I don't have a lot of heroes. Here is the short list:
• My parents
• My grandparents
• My brothers
It's hard to write about heroes because how can your family let you down??? BUT, there was a point in my life where i felt like one of my heroes let me down. I was angry and hurt for a good 3-4 months, until I learned the real story. I am still a little disappointed, but I realize that it is for the greater good. I am talking about when my oldest brother left his wife and kids.
I haven't really talked about how I REALLY felt when he left...mostly because I felt selfish. I have since changed my perspective on this, but when he left, I felt like he betrayed me. I felt like the brother that raised me and taught me to be better, had lost his DAMN MIND. How dare he break this family? How dare he leave ME?! I was so...soo...IDK.
Weird. I can't even properly convey the emotions that I was feeling.
How do I show you in type how much that hurt me? How angry I was??? I literally don't have words for that kind of hurt.
However, after actually talking to him and attempting to talk to his wife, I realize that he really didn't let me down. He tried to make it work for 6 years. SIX YEARS!!! That is a long time to try to fix something.
Sometimes we judge others where we should love, and sometimes we love where we should leave. I don't know a lot about love. I've only loved three men in my life other than my family. However, I do know that love should make everything around you better. There is no love left in that marriage. It's a sad but true fact. I wish my brother luck. I really do. He has a lot to sort out, and I hope that he makes smart and compassionate choices.
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My roomie, Ames, is FINALLY moving in!!! I'm super happy and excited about it. Our place is SUPER AWESOME! :) I'm so stoked!!!
Today we (aka my band--the Waimea Trucking Company) have a gig. It's going to be awesome!
Lyrics for today... a great song. Truly a classic. I LOVE it!!!
Fire and Rain
by: James Taylor
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to
I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Won't you look down on me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around,
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now
Thought I'd see you just one more time again.
1 comment:
I am super excited to have you as my roommate and to get settled for awhile!! :)
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