Wednesday, September 29, 2010

One more

One more post until October--when I start the 30 Days of Truth.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty stoked about it! :) It'll be EPIC! lol

So, something just happened to me, and even though I am supposed to be heading home to go to sleep at a decent hour, I decided that I wanted to blog first.

I recently transferred my iTunes to an external hard drive. The move was necessary to stop my comp from freezing up every 5 mins, but I lost my playlists and purchased list. :( It wouldn't be so bad, but I have a very specific group of songs that I listen to when I work or do homework. Oh well. That's just a part of life I guess. :)

Anywho. The thing that prompted this blog. About 2 years ago, I recorded a CD. It was done in my friend Susi's friend's house, and I was sick. Anyway. Needless to say it wan't the best thing that I had ever done, but I loved it, and the plan was to burn copies of the CD and send it to people for Christmas. I was super excited about it, but apparently it was crap because most of the people i sent it to didn't like it. Not only did they not like it, but they told me how bad it was.

I know that it wasn't the best thing in the world, but it was a gesture of love. I just wish that it was received as such. Anyway. Fast forward to today. Well, tonight.

One of my songs came up on my shuffle. I haven't listened to my own CD in almost 2 years. It made me cry. I don't know exactly why... well, I sort of do, but I don't want to admit it yet. Anyway, I just thought it was sad that I can't listen to myself sing on my own CD.

It frustrates people sometimes that I won't listen to my own CD or that I don't like to sing for people. I think it's because I feel like I'm not good enough. I don't want people to get tired of me. I think that is a requirement of my future husband. I want him to love my voice. Well, love me and like my voice...A LOT. :)

That is all.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A long day

Hey everyone.

I wish that I was feeling better about things so I could entertain you with my bloggy wittiness. Alas, today has been a long day and it is only 10:50 in the morning. :S It only looks to be getting worse, so I wanted to blog now instead of later.

Some of you may have been hearing about the "30 Days of Truths Challenge" that people have been doing on their blogs. I looked at it, and I have decided that not only will this be a good thing for me (and you--for reading), but that it will help me to get out of the FUNK I fell into a week ago. Since it's almost the end of the month, I'm going to start up the first of October. I already know that I don't want to answer many of these questions, but I think it will be good.

I want to also apologize beforehand if I offend anyone. This is a challenge of truth. I feel the way I do about certain things and people for a good reason. I have never taken a stance on something that I haven't had experience with or have educated myself about. So, please take what you read as an opinion and not an insult. Things would be much easier if you did.

If you are still interested in what's to be said about Karyn :), here is the challenge:

30 Days of Truths Challenge

Day 01:  Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02:  Something you love about yourself.
Day 03:  Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04:  Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05:  Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06:  Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07:  Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.
Day 09:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10:  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11:  Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12:  Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13:  A band or artist that has gotten you through some really tough days.
Day 14:  A hero that has let you down.
Day 15:  Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16:  Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17:  A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18:  Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19:  What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20:  Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21:  Scenario: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22:  Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23:  Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24:  Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)
Day 25:  The reason you believe you’re alive today.
Day 26:  Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27:  What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28:  What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29:  Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30:  A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I will also be adding to the challenge by giving you AMAZING musical lyrics after each post. :) hope you are all ready to take the journey with me! :) It'll be AWESOME!

The song for today is appropriate with the optimism that I want to feel. :) I LOVE this song... even though some people think it's hokey...and  I LOVE LOVE Barry Manilow, so here it is!!!

I Made It Through The Rain
by: Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

Monday, September 27, 2010

Burning day

Hello all.

So, I had my fun posts this week. This is a little more serious in nature. You know the drill. ;)

Today was a burning day for me. I feel... liberated and relieved. I have waited a long time for today. I knew that I would feel lighter without the burden of the past looming over me. What I didn't expect to feel was emptiness. All those years that were...well, not wasted. What's the word??? IDK. I'm glad to be rid of everything but at the same time I'm sad that it had to come to this. I guess the phrase I'm looking for is full of regret. I regret what happened. I regret how it ended.

 ...

I wish I felt the way I thought I would feel right now. It would make dealing with everything a lot easier. :S

I'm going to sleep on it. Maybe to taste of regret will leave the moment so I can enjoy moving forward with my life. It reminds me of a poem by Shel Silverstein called, "Forgotten Language"

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

I used to be good at this part. :S Anywho...

Speaking about moving forward. It is time for some REAL change in my life. I'm pretty excited and nervous about it. I'm hoping that the changes that I'm making will be POSITIVE (although I can't see how they WOULDN'T be...) and permanent. I need to start worrying about me.

Well, have a great week. I hope you all are doing amazing.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

"Open Door" Policy

My office has two doors. One that opens to the hallway and one that adjoins to the office next door. Here is the doorway to my office from the hallway...

I usually try to keep the adjoining door closed as much as possible. I don't like to listen to my co-worker talk about random stuff, type, or receive endless texts from her new husband and kids. However, she apparently LOVES to make me listen to her noises because I walk in everyday to see my door open.

So, like a NORMAL person, I go to close the door. However, we soon got into what I call "closing the door wars," where I  would close the door and my co-worker would open it and LEAVE IT OPEN after I expressly closed it. I mean... I know that I OOZE AMAZINGAWESOMEGOODNESS, but please. PLEASE leave the door closed when I close it.

I really did think that I took care of it. That is until TODAY, when I saw  that the door was open again. And there she was, chatting up her family and making NOISE! I have a hard time concentrating when what don't start out as, but end up as "annoying noises" happen. Like hearing other people type sporadically or when people's phones go off every 5 minutes. So, I've decided that a visual aid is all I can do.




That is all.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Hilarium Ensues

I have writer's block.

Seriously. I haven't been able to write one good thing in the past week. :S How does one deal with writer's block? Hmm. IDK Alls I know is that I was reading Pioneer Woman's blog, and she said that you write through it.



So LET'S DO THIS THING!!!

This week has been pretty epic. It all started with my cousin Leo coming down to visit. We had a TON of fun, including playing volleyball in the dark AND a 10 game string of my favorite card game--TRUMPS! Gosh I love that game.

Something random about me: I collect playing cards. I have over 50 decks. IDK why or how it all started, but I have them. Maybe I should build THE BIGGEST CARD HOUSE MANSION IN THE WORLD!!!!

...

...

Maybe not. I really don't feel like cleaning up 52*50 cards. YES! I know it's 2,600 cards. No. I don't care if you know I used a calculator. I am NO GOOD with math.

So yeah. The weekend was awesome. I also had the AWESOMEST church day EVER! I'm not really sure why I was so hyper and opinionated in church on Sunday. Maybe it was a combination of chillin' with my fav cousin, hott guys in the ward, and the fact that my friend Calvin was looking a little too "hobo-ee" for his own good. IDK, but I rocked that chapel. ;)

Monday was...meh. Well, At work it was. After work I went to FHE and it was AWESOME! I decided that our new ward is going to be epic. We did getting to know you games,and I gave a spiritual thought that reminds me of that movie...IDK what the name is. All I know is that there was a mom and (I think) her son and she has some matchsticks and she tries to break them. Hmm. Maybe I'm dreaming. Or hallucinating. Who knows!

Tuesday I spent most of my night trying to avoid going home. I just didn't want to have to do ANYTHING. You know.. like clean my bathroom or properly fold and put away my clothes. I am so lazy sometimes. :S

I was playing some music on my laptop and I re-discovered a song that I OBSESSED about back in the day. So, here you go. And, thank you for seeing me through this writer's block. It has been a pleasure to blog with you... well, not WITH you, but you know what I mean. ;) Oh, and I apologize for the weirdness of the lyrics today. I couldn't find any without the weird spelling stuff things. ;)


I Found My Everything
by: Mary J. Blige

Everything (mmmm)
In you (mmmm)
I found my everything (mmmm)
And I trust in you (mmmm)
I found my...

Can't you see, look at my face it's glowing
And it's all because of you
(Everything)

Everything about ya, ya see I need
And I thank God for sending you through

(I found my everything)
Ya see I found, my everything (in you)
In you
(I found my everything)
Ya see I found everything and I (and I trust in you)
I trust in you
(I found my everything)

Ooo, the way you kiss me it's like a real man (mmmm)
I leave the prom when I
Look in your eyes baby (mmmm yeah, every night)
And every night is like a highlight baby
And there's no better keeper than you
Oh, naw naw naw

You're someone who
Understands me
Needs to hold me
Really feels me
You're the one I love
You're the one that I need
I knew you'd find me
Stick beside me
Won't deny me
You define me now my world feels so free

(I found my everything)
Ya see I found, my everything (in you)
In you (I found my everything)
See I found my everything and I (and I trust in you)
I trust in you
(I found my everything)
Yeah, see I found
Every, every, every, every (in you)
In you (I found my everything)
I found (ooh ooh)
I found (and I trust in you)
I put my trust in you
You

Now I know just
What I wanted
What I needed
Where I'm going
I can see much clearer now
I'm glad I found you, you, you, you
I love it when ya
Love me tender
Hold me tight
Through the night
Seems like we met
In heaven before this earth

You're someone who
Understands me
Needs to hold me
Really feels me
You're the one I love
You're the one that I need
You won't deny me
Justify me
Now my world
Now my world
Feels...so... freeeeee

This time is the greatest
That I've ever felt before, oh oh (who)
You've given me a reason to smile
Cause I never had a reason to smile before
(I found my everything)
See I found e-everything in you (in you)
Youuuu (I found my everything)
I found my everything in you (and I trust in you)
Yoooou
(I found my everything)
E-e-e-everything
E-e-e-everything
E-e-e, E-e-everything, I-I-I

[CHORUS]

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Great one!

Hey everyone! How is life???

Let me tell you--this week has been a crazy one! Like I said in my previous blog... I have been sick. Like SUPER AMAZING I CAN COUGH LOUDER THAN A FOG HORN sick. It has been tiring and I'm sure annoying on everyone else's part. I have a really loud cough, and I can't just clear my throat to clear it. I MUST cough! lol.

I haven't really said anything about this because I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I'm moving again! :) I know that it has only been about 2 months since I last moved, but my roommate decided that she was going to get married next month. She wasn't in a serious relationship when I first moved in, but she is getting married now. I guess that the Lord works in mysterious ways...and if she's happy, I can be happy for her. :)

Anyways. So, my other roommate and I are renting the basement out from one of my good friends. :) It's going to be amazing, and there is about four more times room than there is where we are currently living. :)

Also this weekend--I have been cooking and cleaning and organizing everything. :) I have been able to cook dinner with my roomie Amy for the past 3 nights. :) It has been really fun! It's awesome to have a regular, non-crazy emotional, easy going roommate. It seems that my lot in life has been to have crazy roommates, but Amy is awesome and normal and fun!!! It's been a great weekend, and I'm excited for the next year. It's gonna be good times!

Moving right a long. Today was stake conference. It was SUPER fun!!! My favorite talks were from (I think his name is) Jim, the patriarch, and the stake president. Our stake president is amazing. He gave a really good talk about not gossiping and staying optimistic. A-MAZ-ING!

All in all a great one. :) Hope it was for you too!!! Now for the song of the day. I have to say that it was a toss up between the hymnal "God Speed the Right" and this one. There is a line in "God Speed the Right" that says, "If we fail, we fail in glory." I think that is my new life motto. I never believe that I am going to fail... but if I do fail, why not go WHOLE HOG?! :) Great song, as is the song for today. Here we go!

Long As I Can See the Light
by: Creedence Clear Water

Put a candle in the window,
Cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though I'm going, going,
I'll be coming home soon,
long as I can see the light.

Pack my bag and lets get movin,
Cause I'm bound to drift a while.
When I'm gone, gone, you don't have to worry long,
long as I can see the light.

Guess Ive got that old travlin bone,
Cause this feelin wont leave me alone.
But I wont, wont be losin my way, no, no
long as I can see the light.

Yeah! yeah! yeah! Oh, yeah!

Put a candle in the window,
Cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though I'm going, going, Ill be coming home soon..

Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

SICK

I am enormously sick.

Have you ever seen You Got Mail??? Remember the part where she is in the apartment and he visits her and gives her daisies? I feel like that... only sans Tom Hanks, daisies, and the overall good feeling of that scene.

Kill me now.