Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Boundaries and Embarrassing Posts

So, I want to start out by saying...That last post is a little embarrassing. :/ Oh well. It will be good to keep it up so I can improve.


I have been struggling a lot with certain relationships in my life and have kind of been depressed. I just watched this video:

Go ahead and watch it. It's only six minutes. Haha. Well, I have not been taking responsibility for my emotional property, and I have been letting a lot of people unload their crap into my emotional yard, and not making them own up to their "stuff" and take care of it themselves.

It's weird to think of my emotions and mental health as my property. I think most people don't think of them as really anything. They simply exist within ourselves.

Relationships are something that I used to think I'm great at, but I think I can work at things and become better at setting limits with love and making sure that my heart is guarded with proper boundaries.

Thanks for reading to whoever happens to be reading this. I'm just trying to figure things out as I go. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. I won't know either way until I try! Aloha!

Monday, December 7, 2015

Am I a Writer?

So I have been thinking a lot about my blog and whether or not to keep it going. It doesn't hurt to have it all out here...and my readership is basically my family and a few close friends (Thanks for reading guys!), but I want to minimize wasting my time and make stuff like this productive. SO...I'm thinking of maybe doing writing prompts. I found some cool ones, and thought I might incorporate them here and there when I write posts and don't have a ton to say.

Is that a good idea? I'm trying to get into writing again. I feel like I waste a lot of time not expanding my mind or challenging myself mentally--whereas it used to be something I did regularly.

Anyway, here is the first one so you guys can see what it will be like and maybe give me some feedback. :)

1. Describe yourself from your pet’s point of view.
My human (the one that feeds and plays with me) came home early today. I make sure to wag my tail extra hard so she knows how happy I am to see her. The noise from her mouth sounds like, "-- Honey, ----! Sit -----. -- ------- --. Sit. ---, --- ----." So I sit down. She comes in through the gate and scratches me around the ears, just like I like her to do. My human goes to the colder room with the little flappy door and when she turns to say, "bad dog", I know that I'm in trouble. I lay back my ears so she knows I'm sorry for tearing apart the papery things that are fun to tear. She pulls down the bristly stick and uses it to pick up the papery things. I walk over to my human and lean against her leg. She reaches down and scratches my neck. My human is soft and playful, so I know she won't be mad for a very long time. I watch her clean the room and we go to the outside! The outside is my favorite place. My human throws balls for me and chases me around making growly noises. She also makes small barky sounds and smiles at me. She is tall and strong, and I like to wrestle with her. She calls me, but I ignore her because she doesn't have treats for me. I won't go inside unless she gives me treats or she has the special noisy ball. She has the ball, so I jump up and try to snatch it out of her hand. She likes this game, and so do I because I can jump really high and my favorite ball is the noisy one. My human puts a long ropy thing on me and we go for a walk. I try to show her all the cool places that other dogs have been. She stops a lot, so I have to turn back and get her. Maybe I'll slow down so she doesn't stop so often. When we get home, my human makes me food, and I eat it when she says I can go. Then we go and relax in the special room and play tug-o-war and fetch. After a while, my human falls asleep. She sleeps sometimes when the light-noise box is on. I go and breath by her face to make sure she is okay. She opens her eyes and pets me. She's okay.

From the human POV (BONUS!)
I look at my clock and clock out. I get to go home a few hours early today. I park in front of the house and see my puppy Honey pop up in the front window. I can tell she's wagging her tail because she can barely stay on the window sill. I get in and she tries to jump up on the gate. "Hi Honey, baby! Sit puppy. No jumping up. Sit. Hey, get down." I scratch her around the ears and head to the garage to clean the puppy pads up. I open the door and see that Honey has torn apart an entire roll of paper towels. I turn to her and say, "bad dog!" Man, look at this mess. I grab the broom and start sweeping. Honey comes over to me and leans on my with her ears back. I pet her and finish cleaning the room. I grab the leash and take her out to the backyard where we play for an hour or so. We play fetch, and I chase her around making monster noises and laughing. I have been trying to train Honey to come when she's called, but she rarely will unless I have a treat or her favorite squeaker ball. I have the ball, and she comes to the gate. I put the leash on her, and we go for a walk around the neighborhood. Since we're in training, I stop any time Honey is pulling and stand there until she stops pulling. It's slow-going, but that's all a part of having a puppy. We finish our walk, and i feed her. Afterwards I flip on the TV and we play tug-o-war and fetch. I fall asleep on the couch and wake up to Honey centimeters away breathing in my face. I laugh and pet her. Silly dog.

Hahahahaha! Yeah, IDK if I'll be winning any newberry awards, but whatever. ;)

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

You Caught Me!

Okay, okay.

I am officially TERRIBLE at doing challenges. So...remind me next time to never do another one again. ;)

How are you guys? Things here have been...pretty busy and sort of stagnant at the same time.

The holiday season is here, and so I am busy...because of that fact alone. I feel like busy-ness increases at the holidays by at least 40%...even though I feel like I'm not doing anything different. I guess it's because now there are extra things to think shopping for gifts, making special meals, and coordinating schedules to maximize time with the fam.

Anywho. In addition to that, I was also enlisted to become a part of the "Coins for Kids" board. Basically, they are a charity organization that provides Christmas for families in need. It's a pretty cool organization. You guys can check them out HERE if you want to learn more or donate. :)

"I am a goofball!" ;)
Also--I know you guys are all dying to hear about my puppy. She is doing AWESOME! She is SO BIG now!!! Here is a picture because I love you and her and think she is pretty awesome and funny and goofy and miraculously not very cuddly. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, Honey is doing pretty awesome. She is obviously growing a TON.  She is okay with obedience too, but I think I'm going to try to put her in another class because she does better with the structure of being in a class, and I feel like I'm a better dog-mommy when we have a goal in mind, instead of "poop outside" or "don't bite my face when I'm rough-housing with you."

If any of you have any idea of how to train a dog better, please pray for me or send me tips that will work with a SUPER stubborn dog that only listens to one person at a time... >sigh<

I love her so much more than I thought I would. I am also interestingly becoming the "one you ask when one parent already said no." Haha. Poor Leo. She is the strict one and I am the one that just wants to play all the time. I wonder if I will take on that role when I become an actual parent.

Well, my dears. That's pretty much it for today. I feel bad about the challenge, but truthfully it was sort of boring. I promise to remember not to do that again for at least three months. Haha.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Back with a Challenge

So you guys know that I am not as consistent on here as I would like to be. I committed to my cousins to do a "21 Day Truth or Dare Challenge" with them, so I decided to write about it here. :) At least it gets some content on here...which I can tell you guys are just foaming at the mouth for. ;) Anyway, here are the rules:

• Each day, you have to pick either a truth or a dare.
• You must answer all questions truthfully.
• You absolutely cannot back out of a dare.

Do hashtags work on blogs??? Well, here is the hashtag anyway: #21DayTruthOrDareChallenge.

Anywho...on to the challenge!

Day 1 - TRUTH
When was the last time you gave yourself permission to have fun on a "school night"?
    Well, I'm not in school, but the last time I went out to chill with friends when I had work the next day was last week. I went to my friend C's house to make chicken pillows...which were delicious and nutritious. :) The sad part is I was home and in bed by 11 or so. Hahaha! Also---I don't know how fair this is, because I have fun pretty much every night whether I am with friends or just at home with my puppy. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to post this quickly before I got into my day. I'll be posting everyday, so feel free to come back and check in with me. You can also join me and let me know/post a link to where you'll record it in the comments so I can go and read what you guys do! :D

Have an awesome day!

Monday, June 1, 2015


This is a letter to someone I thought I knew.

There is a specific feeling when you get your heart broken. I don't have a lot of evidence to back this up, but I'm sure it feels different for everyone. For me...My heart contracts and pain shoots down my arms and legs. I ache and burn. A giant weight settles in the pit of my stomach and I feel like I can't breathe.

I think of what I want out of life. What I want to accomplish. I have so much that I think I would love to do. I've had so much failure and so much success. It's weird to think that I'm an adult. It's weird to think that I could go my whole life without feeling love on a romantic level again. Or that I could spend my life not making the difference I always thought I would.

I've had three friends get engaged in the last couple weeks. I am incredibly happy for each of them. They all deserve so much happiness, and I am so glad they've all found it. However, it makes me feel the sting of loneliness just a little keener as I help them plan for their big days. I'm not complaining at all. I just thought I would be at a different place in life at this point.

What is the next step if you want to be on a different path? Do you wander out into the wilderness and hope you find the path you want to be on? Don't they always say that if you're lost, you should stay put until someone comes and finds you? I feel like I've been waiting for someone to come find me for too long, and now I'm just forgotten.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I feel like my life is detonating one room at a time. I feel like I'm losing touch with what it means to be me. Or who I want to be. When you lose place of who you are, who helps you to find it again?

I thought I was done with so many things in life.

I thought I was done with you.

Why not me? Why didn't you choose me?

I want to be the priority in someone's life. I want to find someone that chooses me first...that makes me feel special and beautiful and loved everyday. Someone that can help remind me of who I am when I lose track of it.

Stop haunting me. I need to move on.

Saturday, May 23, 2015


You know, I think I've spent most of my life trying to avoid feeling any negative emotion. It's weird to think that I've gone so long only wanting to feel happy, or excited, or joy, or wonder… I think it's normal to want to avoid sadness. It's normal to want to avoid pain. But feeling  every emotion is what makes us human. 

Avoiding the negative doesn't make us feel more positive. If anything it makes positivity fade. I have been feeling that my like is...boring. Blasé. Tasteless. I didn't understand why until now. 

Of course it feels bad to be sad, depressed, heartbroken, angry... I don't like to feel negativity. However, what is that old saying? You can't recognize light unless you see dark. 

How can I change my life without facing the things I try to bury and ignore? How can I feel joy or love without knowing sadness and heartbreak or loss?

My life is pretty amazing. I am so grateful for everything I have and all the people I love. But I am also grateful for my rough points in life. They make me who I am...and instead of running from it, it's time to face it.

Monday, May 18, 2015


I try to be as nonjudgmental of people as possible.
I don't always succeed. I am an imperfect being. Surprise! Haha

But for the most part I try not to be judgmental. TBH, it's pretty easy if you don't care what people do. Which...for the most part is true of how I look at society. You want to walk around only dressed in sequins? Go for it. You want to go three years without showering? I could not care less. It's your life. It's your choice. As long as I am not directly affected by your actions in a negative way--you do you.

I live my life from day to day, and most of the time I don't get it right. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. I make mistakes...pretty much hourly. Haha. There isn't a blueprint for life, and even if there were, I have never quite fit into what people consider "traditional" or normal. I dance to the beat of my own drum, and luckily people think it's pretty great.

However, I don't always meet my own requirements of making the people around me feel loved and whatever state they happen to be in. You see, even though I don't care about random strangers, I do care deeply for my friends and family. This is normally a GREAT, AMAZING, and SUPER AWESOME thing. But, it can also be a burden. Not only for me, but for the people I care about too. That might sound weird, so I'll try to explain.

I've lived most of my life loving the people around me with as much strength and conviction that I can. There was a time where I didn't care about anyone or anything...including myself. #alcoholism but for the most part, I have had a deep abiding love for my family and the family I choose--my friends.

I was talking to a friend of mine, and they said something to me. They said, "there is no such thing as unconditional love within the realm of mortal existence." Of course, being a hopeless romantic--I started to argue the point. After a long discussion, I came to realize their point to be true.

I do believe in love, but most love in this life is conditional. It has to be, because we are all prone to making mistakes. We cheat, we lie, we hurt the ones we love. Why? Because we are imperfect. There isn't a blueprint for life. There are guidelines. We can pattern our lives after other people's lives, but there isn't anything saying: Karyn will get her PhD in Psychology on this day and time and will marry John Smith on this day at this time, and they will love each other forever and always and have 2.5 children and will be healthy and happy, amen. I WISH THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED. Haha! Of course we all know it doesn't. Well, it hasn't for me. If that happens for you, tell me what I'm doing wrong! (If you want to see a movie where this sort of happens, watch the movie TiMER. Super interesting.)

Anyway--back on to my point. I completely love my friends and family, but sometimes I condition my love on whether or not their choices or life path is concurrent with what I think it should be.

That sounds SUPER douchey and controlling, but I think we all do that to some degree. Look at the "unhappy married couple." If you ask one of them what the issue is, they will spout off stuff like, "he doesn't love me the way he used to" or "she just isn't attractive to me anymore" or "they have lost the 'fun' part of themselves" or "they bore me now. I need someone more exciting!" (These are all actual excuses I have heard from people, btw.) Each of these people have an image of who their partner has to be in order for them to be happy. At one point in time, their significant other was EXACTLY what they wanted. However, over time--as each person grows and matures, they change. This change can determine whether or not they continue to give love to their significant other.

I fall prey to that "conditional" love thing. Luckily I can catch myself most of the time, take a step back and adjust my mindset. That doesn't always happen though. Sometimes, I will say and do terrible things to the people I love. Sometimes, I will "advice vomit" all over people and make them feel like garbage. I recognize that I have extremely high and oftentimes unrealistic expectations of the people I love, and if I see them going down a path that I know will result in unhappiness--I will do everything within my power to stop them. To my own detriment and often the detriment of the relationship.

Is that judgment?

Is it hypocritical for me to tell my friends to go to church, or to pray, or to read their scriptures, or to not drink alcohol or WHATEVER when I struggle with most if not all of those things daily? I don't know. We all try to do our best with the time and life we're given...and (at least in my case) most of the time, we fail. Where does that leave me? or all of us?

Despite what everyone thinks (including myself sometimes)--I don't have all the answers. I don't know whether or not we'll all find happiness, or whether or not we'll be successful, or that tomorrow will be better than today. What I do know is that as long as we all keep long as we all endeavor to love each other and try be a little better every day... I think we'll make it.