Friday, October 31, 2008

could i POST more tags???

Wow!!! Lol... I noticed that the last 3 posts I've done have been tags. ;) Lol. I guess I should give you a little more than that. So, life lately. It’s been... like ketchup in a bottle... coming in dollops. At first it seems slow, but then a whole bunch of time passes in what seems like the blink of an eye. I've recently tried to be more social... stepping outside the realm of my one 'best' friend Susi (with whom I spend most of my time...) and testing the friendship waters around me. I’ve found something strange about the people here in St. George... even though I am Karyn... I’m seen here as Susi's friend. I’m not upset or surprised by this... Susi is a very popular person here for good reason, but I feel like the friendships I have tried to formulate here are basically built upon the fact that they know Susi and are therefore humoring me with friendship. Maybe that’s just the paranoid, untrusting, skeptical side of me coming out, but a lot of the time it DOES feel like that.

I have, however, found a little pod of friends with whom I’ve attached myself to. The only problem is that they are all leaving in 4 days to go on missions. BTW, if any of you read this, I’m going to miss you like crazy!!!

So now the question: what will I decide to do with my life? Friendwise, I know that spending all my time with Susi and her family is a no. Not only do they need their privacy, Susi and I are are COMPLETELY opposite in basically everything.

I guess I’m just tired of being an afterthought for people. I want to be like the Karyn most of you know and love. :)

ps- I had the funnest time last night at a spooky movie marathon I went to last night. We watched Poltergeist, I Am Legend, and 1408... I’ve decided that scary movies, while disturbing, are overrated... we also got to have a jam session. It was rad, and my friend Wyatt graced me with his impressive musical 'skillz'. His music is awesome. I told him he needs to get a cd out. I could totally be his pr manager. ;)

Hmm... maybe that’s what I should be shooting for... pr or something similar. I think I could be good in a job like that. Hmm... maybe life will steer me in that direction.

Book Tags...

Well, I've chosen to be tagged by my friend Latu... This tag looked so awesome, I had to do it...

Rules: Get the book that's on your nightstand (or whatever you happen to be reading).Open it to page 56 and find the 5th sentence. Post the next couple of sentences on your blog, along with these instructions. Do not go and find your favorite book; it has to be the one you are reading now! Tag five other people to do the same.


The Book:

I am currently re-reading Sabriel by Garth Nix. SUCH A GREAT BOOK... Seriously. I recently lent the series to my roommate, and it inspired me to read them again. I've never read books quite like Mr. Nix's Abhorsen Trilogy. It does deal with death... (read the quote below) however, I feel like I've been around death a lot in my life, and stuff like that doesn't bother me as much as it used to. It's not morbid or gross by any means, but just SUPER interesting and well written.

~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~

The Quote:

"I have a daughter almost your age," he said quietly. "Back in Corvere, with my wife. I would not let her cross into the Old Kingdom."
Sabriel met his gaze, and her eyes were not the uncertain, flickering beacons of adolescence.
"I am only eighteen years old on the outside," she said, touching her palm against her breast with an almost wistful motion. "But I first walked in Death when I was twelve."

~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~

Seriously, and amazing read. Pick it up!!!

I tag: Anyone who ventures to read this blog.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Home Tag

This is a tag from Sara... just something silly... i actually don't have pics of my new place... so enjoy these close-to representations of my house... ;)
#1 Fridge-

Semi-accurate of what my fridge actually looks like... except I have soy milk, and not regular milk...

#2 Laundry Room-

This is a semi-accurate pic... almost looking like what my laundry room looks like... I actually LOVE doing laundry... it smells so deliciously good...


#3 What the kids are doing now:

OKAY!!! well, no kids as of yet... but this is what they are doing...


#4 Favorite Shoes:
Slippahs... they're the only way to fly!!! :)


#5 A closet-
I am a very clean person most of the time... My closet has to be 'just so'... its my OCD...



#6 My favorite room-

My favorite room is the Hawaiian Section of the Bishop Museum in Hawaii...




#7 A self portrait-

Me this past winter... scraping ice off the parking lot...

#8 Kitchen sink-

I LOVE this sink!!!!!! I wish I had one like it...



#9 Bathroom-


Semi-looks like my bathroom... at least its the same decor... ;)


#10. Where I want to be RIGHT NOW:



Hawai'i... My home state... ;) This is a pic of a town called Waimea (or Kamuela) on the big island.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

from sara's blog

SOOOOOO,
I don't really have anything in particular to say... except i have a HUGEMUNGOUS headache... Maybe I have a tumor... (it's not a too-mah!) anyways, I stole this from Sara... Partly because I really am bored and need something to keep me awake until i end the day, and also because it's just fun!

( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school-- [oh so many times... i missed more than half of my jr. year in hs...]
( ) Been to Canada
(x) See someone die-- [3 people to be exact]
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane-- [only to and from hawai'i]
(x) Been lost-- [its a constant state of mind...]
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean-- [the whole first half of my life... plus some]
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers-- [good times]
(x) Recently colored with crayons-- [i'm obsessed with crayons!!! [(krayon)]> ]
(x) Sang Karaoke-- [every friday night baby!]
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only-- [no meals, only gas... ;)]
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls-- [a cop got sent to our house. Note To Self: don't prank call the popo...]
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles-- [i know that duck... ;) lol...]
(x) Gone Ice skating-- [i suck, but it's fun]
(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors-- [the ocean in fact. ;)]
(x) Been so bored at work and desperate for something to blog that you steal a tag from someone else's blog...-- [thanks Sara... I too am a bored person at work]

Okay! There you go! Thanks Sara... oh what I could accomplish if I would work at work! ;)

Monday, October 13, 2008

love

Okay... I know I’m probably just an emotional mess right now, but I feel the need to talk about love...

I know... LOVE. How lame... pathetic... and whatever... it’s my blog, so I'll write what I want to! :)

I’ve fallen in love with 3 guys in my lifetime. The first was a high school thing... sort of stupid and immature... I think I was more in love with the idea of him rather than HIM. I’m not even sure that qualifies as love... maybe just infatuation. Yeah. Well, it ended badly in any case. He ended up being a jerk off that wouldn't get over it, and I feel like I’m somehow still suffering repercussions (sp?) for his immaturity. I told him I liked him like... twice I think... and he freaked out. He told me he didn’t like me like that, and I was done... but for some reason, he thought I was obsessed... I guess it all comes down to high school boys being insufferably over confident, and my tendency to know exactly what I want and going for it with abandon.

Number two was a firefighter from Australia. He was hott and older, and I was a year past high school graduation, and rebellious. I met him at a bar… he walked me down the street and back, and we talked. He was in town for a week, and we spent the rest of the week together. We kept it alive with phone calls and emails. He was sweet, sensitive, and surprisingly intuitive. It all happened in a 6 month span. He took more time off that he should have, and came to Hawaii. I was na├»ve and thought I could accept his flaws and live with myself for making stupid decisions. We were engaged… and he was mad that I didn’t tell my parents that I wanted to marry a tattooed, smoking, drinking fireman from Aussie land. It also ended badly. Lol… I probably should have been nicer about it, but I realized I wanted more.

Lastly there was … I’ll call him Jim. Jim and I immediately clicked together. All it was was me walking into a room, and he and I were electric. I spent every waking moment with him. It was a dream… and it was… amazing. He was everything I wanted… everything I needed. If I was fire, he was water… we were so alike and so different. I don’t know exactly why things turned out the way it did… Jim was always a mystery to me. Whenever I thought I knew how to figure him out, he would shift, change, plunge me back into the dark. I think Jim and I would have been exactly like that… water and fire. Him always playing cool… smooth. Me being the fire... I am really a spitfire… ;) Maybe he knew that we couldn’t/wouldn’t work out. I caught him with another girl. I never understood why… I tried to escape him. He made me go to his wedding. Another girl. He still calls me too… Why can’t guys just leave well enough alone?

I’m sitting in my office at work right now. I can feel how cold it is outside, but I don’t really want to put my jacket on. Typing is relieving the stress of the emotional onslaught that just happened… I was reading a story my friend wrote… the first or second draft actually. It was fantastically poignant and lovely… It's about two friends (Ben and Alice) that ended up together. I hate to think it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have that kind of love. It seems like every ‘relationship’ (however loosely applied) I’ve had turns out badly. I’ve had guys tell me that I have unrealistic expectations… that I’m distant, that I’m clingy, that I’m too NICE (how can someone be too nice?) that I care too much.


What is love if you can’t express the emotions that are inside of you? I’ve had boyfriends that have gotten married TWO weeks after I broke up with them? Is something wrong with me? Am I somehow unmarriable? (is that a word? … oh well…) I know that things with the ‘loves of my life’ have turned out for the better… but what about me??? Every one of them is now married… and I’m still single. What does that mean? Or does it mean nothing? Will I get what I want in the end? The companionship and electricity? The priesthood and the attraction? When it comes for me will I know it, or will I miss it?

Love is such a strange emotion. There is nothing else that can dually hurt and heal… But when it really happens will it hurt?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Politics & more...

Hey everyone!!!

How have you all been???

Well... let me start with the fact that I'm a little disappointed in women in general. Why can't we see what we're WORTH??? Life is too short to second guess yourself. YOU are a SPECIAL, BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL person and YOU DESERVE THE BEST in life. I don't care who you are... you do. NEVER let anyone tell you differently.

This world seems to be here to tell us we aren't good enough. You're not pretty enough. You aren't rich enough. It IS NOT true! You are unique. You have a purpose! You are beautiful!

Whatever you do, DON'T LISTEN TO THE WORLD. It will never be enough if you give in to the media and social pressures. It will never stop unless you CHOOSE to make it stop. You can be your OWN person. Take back your life and LIVE it for yourself! Live it for your family! Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Live it the best way you can. Don't listen to people or the judgments they have for you. It doesn't matter what they think. Just do your best. That’s all anyone can ask of you or that you can ask of yourself.

Why can't women get along??? Why do we constantly have to backstab each other and be conniving? Why can’t we lift each other up and come together with mutual respect for each other? Aren’t you tired of constantly trying to ‘one up’ the other? Isn’t it time to just LOVE one another??? You don’t have to bring the people around you down. LIFT THEM UP!!! Have respect for who they are and what they’ve achieved!

Everyone in the world is dealt a different hand. We all have different trials to go through… different circumstances. We should be able to go to each other for help and support without the worry that it will be rubbed in our face.

I’m so tired of fighting against the current. If I want to date a guy, don’t try to steal him away. If I try to become successful, don’t sabotage me.

Okay… vent over.

I work at the Chamber of Commerce here, and we have a luncheon each Wednesday. Today, we had a political forum for candidates running for office this year. I was amazed at the ‘mudslinging’ that occurred. That’s something I truly detest about politics. If you want my vote, don’t tell me how bad the other guy is. Tell me how awesome you are and why I should vote for you.

Eh… I’m so done with all the politics in the air. I feel like it’s suffocating me.

I’m outtie…

Monday, October 6, 2008

Sweet!

Whats up y'all???

Well, I've had the weirdest weekend... it's been really... I don't know what it's been like actually. I don't know if it was weird or not... just revealing I guess. Sorry. I'm really confused still. I found out that I have EXTREMELY high blood pressure... which explains a lot. I need to take care of myself better. I thought I would be immune to all of my families genetic ailments. Apparently I'm not. I just wish I was more motivated to be better, to take care of myself better... to become more healthy and do it willingly.

I have also been trying to stay away from the 'marriage pity party' that has been going around. Apparently a lot of people are thinking they will never be able to get married. I'm not ready for marriage right now. I've always had VERY strict rules about when and where and who and why i would get married. Not really rules... I guess a better description would be wants. things i want to accomplish before i get married. A few of them are: pay off all my debts, be financially stable, maybe go on a mission, etc. This is stuff I want to do because I think that it's unfair to marry someone and make them take on your financial status... esp if its not good. I am a VERY independent person, so I would like to be able to support not only myself, but my family as well. I know that sounds unrealistic, but coming from a family where a lot of times we were near poverty, I hate to think that I wouldn't be able to afford baby milk or diapers, etc.

I watched General Conference this weekend and was EXTREMELY impressed with what the church leaders spoke about. I really liked Uchtdorf, Wirthin, and Monson's talks. They were AWESOME!

I cant wait to go to Hawai'i. One of these days I'll move back, but for now I'm doing the best I can with what I have.

TAG!

I am: ready to go to Hawai'i!!!
I think: life is too short to have to worry about health
I know: i need to take better care of myself
I am: working... as usual.
I want: to become the person i should...
I have: enough for now.
I dislike: stupidity.
I miss: my real friends
I fear: spiders, the dark, and losing my family
I feel: relaxed
I hear: the usual goings on in the office...
I smell: delicious
I crave: lobster and/or sushi
I cry: when i miss my fam-bam.
I search: for peace and forgiveness
I wonder: whats in store for the future
I regret: being too timid
I wish: i had an awesome car
I love: HAWAII! :)
I care: about what matters
I always: am down for a party!
I worry: that i'll never find out what i want in life
I am not: in the mood to put up with peoples crap today...
I remember: the good times
I believe: in the goodness of people
I sing: all day long usually...
I don’t: get why people don't think they have to play by the rules
I argue: when i know im right
I write: short stories and poetry
I win: when i focus on what i REALLY want
I lose: myself in the crowd sometimes
I listen: to anyone who needs to just talk
I don’t understand: people who don't have common sense or courtesy
I can usually be found: zoning out in my own world...
I need: motivation
I forget: everything
I am happy: most of the time :)