The last stretch

WOW. Well, I have literally had NO time to blog for the last three days of this challenge. I have finals this week, so it's been all about the finals. :) So, the last three days will be in this post. :)

Day 28:  What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, first of all, if I got someone pregnant, that would be... weird and against nature. So, I would freak out and probably turn myself into a scientific research place to be studied.

However, if I got pregnant...well, I would be scared. If I'm to the point where I would even be in a situation where I would get pregnant, there is something wrong. I am in NO PLACE to be raising a child right now. I would be terrified of being able to provide for the baby, and what about the dad. Is he going to be in the picture? What do I tell my family?

It would be insane.

---

Day 29:  Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I hope one day to be better at self discipline. I am a party girl. I like to have fun and I like to be with people. However, I want to be able to BALANCE my life and be disciplined enough to put off the fun stuff to do things that are more important. Like laundry.

---

Day 30:  A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Karyn,

So, this is the end of the truth challenge. It feels nice to be able to talk candidly about things that I have never really talked to a lot of people about. I am so happy that I could get it out.

This is the last entry, and I'm writing a letter to you...aka me, or rather, us that entails all the things that we love about ourself. lol. So here it is:

My sense of humor
My talent for music
My ability to make anyone into a friend
My ability to help people see their problems more clearly
My eyes
My legs! ;)
My compassion
My love for my family and friends
My willingness to learn new things
My testimony...even though I still feel like a fledgling in that area
My tolerance of others and their faults
My love for everyone around me
My ability to see beauty in all God's creations
My easygoing nature
My "aggressive" side

All of this and more compromise what I love about myself. Thank you for being you...aka us. ;)

--Karyn

---

So, today was a Young Single Adult Conference. I LOVED it SO much! It was fantastic. The speakers were awesome, and it was great to see so many YSAs out and about. :) Today was a great day... and it keeps getting better. :)

Have a Happy Halloween. In honor of tomorrow's holiday, a Halloween song.

Thriller
by: Michael Jackson

It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind
You're out of time

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
Thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see

That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!

(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'
Thriller night, baby, ooh!

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

30 Days of Truth--Day 27

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Hmm. Well, I have a couple awesome things are are going well for me right now. The first one is my job. It provides me with income, so I am grateful for it. EVERYDAY.

Next is my new place. Our landlords/friends are freaking awesome, and I love the house. It smells like cookies and children's wishes. lol.

Last is my FREAKING awesome friends. They are literally what keeps me going. Sometimes I think that I am a horrible friend back to them, but they continue in our friendship, so I figure that is a good thing.

---

Tonight a lot happened. I don't really want to get into it, but it's pretty crazy.

It ended well though. I got to go carve pumpkins...and I may or may not think that one of the guys I carved pumpkins with is amazing. ;)

The song for today kept me awake when I was falling asleep while trying to do homework. Thank you Janet Jackson. Your soulful and sassy tunes always perk me up.

I Get So Lonely
by:Janet Jackson

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x2)

Sitting here with my tears
All alone with my fears
I'm wondering if I have to do
Without ya
But there's no reason why

I feel asleep late last night
Crying like a newborn child
Holding myself close
Pretending my arms are yours
I want no one but you

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x2)

I still remember to the day
In fact is was a third Monday
You came along to be the one for me
Now I'm alone

Sitting here by the phone
Call and say that you're okay
So that I'll have the chance
To beg you to stay
I want no one but you

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x4)

Gonna break it down
Break it down, break it down
Gotta break it down
Break it down, break it down
Whoa

You know
That I know
That I get so lonely thinking of you
Oooh
Noo whoa nooo. . .

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x4)

30 Days of Truth--Day 26

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so when and why

Hmmm. Well, I have to say that I have never given serious thought to ending my life. BUT, that's not really what the question was, was it?

I have given up on life. I was in that state of mind when I moved here. I just didn't see the point in trying anymore. I still feel that way sometimes, but I get over it.

I think that's one of the things I love the most about myself. Not to sound conceited or anything, but  I'm a naturally optimistic and happy person. :) I have an uncanny ability to see the bright side of any solution.

When I moved to Utah, it was the deepest funk I've ever been in, but it only lasted about a year and a half. I had residual stuff for a while, but overall, I was happy and moving forward.

Does that answer the question??? lol

---

Okay. So, life is moving forward, and I really haven't had anything to day lately. Is that weird???

Lyrics for today:

Seriously
by: Katchafire

Seriously, its been a long time
Since I’ve heard from thee
Since you dropped me a line
Well I know
What you’ve been going through
And I know
What I’ve been telling you
Girl seriously give me another one
Wo yeah

I happen to know what’s gonna happen next
The rhythm will pull you into this here jam
I reckon the rhythm just can’t stop you moving
And everywhere you look people be dancing near – yeah

I don’t drive no flashy car
I don’t wear no flashy ring girl
You don’t see me trying bling bling girl yeah
Give me another one…

30 Days of Truth--Day 25

Day 25:  The reason you believe you’re alive today.

I think the reason I'm alive today is because I have something to do with my life still. Well, aside from church stuff, I think that I have a purpose on this earth, and that I haven't fulfilled that purpose yet.

I also think I'm here to make sure that everyone still has good times. :) People often tend to forget how to have fun and let loose. I'm here to remind them of that fact. :)

---

Tonight was pretty EPIC. I DJ-ed a dance tonight. There wasn't anyone there...which was super sad for me, because I like a full house. However, there were about 12 people there that danced pretty much all night. It really was super fun and awesome.

I have realized that I can't have expectations for the people around me. I just need to accept them the way they are.

Lyrics for today is a song I played tonight. :) GREAT song and super fun to dance to!!!

Only Girl
by: Rihanna

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la

[VERSE 1]
I want you to love me, like I'm a hot guy
Keep thinkin' of me, doin' what you like
So boy forget about the world cuz it's gon' be me and you tonight
I wanna make your bed for ya,
then imma make you swallow your pride

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel
Like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands
How to make you feel like a man
Want you to make me feel
Like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...

[VERSE 2]
Want you to take me like a thief in the night
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right
Baby I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keepin', you can come inside
And when you enter, you ain't leavin', be my prisoner for the night

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel
Like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands,
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...

[BRIDGE]
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Oh make it last all night
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Make it last all night

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel
like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands
How to make you feel like a man
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...

30 Days of Truth--Day 24

Day 24:  Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)
 
I don't really know who I would want to make a playlist for. It may be a combination of tiredness and my brain being dead... but whatever. This is a truth challenge, so I guess I need to be truthful.

I suppose I'll make a playlist for the love of my life. I don't know who he will be, but it's the only thing I can think of at the moment. :S

Caught Up In the Rapture--Anita Baker

This song is on the list because I love Anita Baker...but aside from that. I think that this is a "beginning love" kind of song. So caught up in the moment that you feel like you can achieve anything. :)

The Best of My Love--'Ale'a

This is a great cover of the original Eagles tune. I love this song (and it is on the list) because it talks about the "rough" patches that relationships go through... in the end, all you can do is give the best of yourself and meet in the middle somewhere.

Cloudy--Average White Band

An amazing and truly beautiful song. It talks about feeling like you are losing someone when they are still with you. In the song, the singer asks if there is something they can do, and that that they hope that they don't "drift away." Sort of a sad song, but I think that every relationship goes through the "waxing and waning" of love.

Tell Him--Lauryn Hill

I really love this song. It says, "Tell him I need him/Tell him I love him/ And it'll be alright." and "I know I'm imperfect/and not without sin/ But now that I'm older all childish things end." Basically, Love is being humble and making compromises. Love is worth the fight.

At Last--Etta James

lol. I chose this song because, I truly feel that I have been waiting for a WHILE for the right man to come along. Of course I have no idea who he is... but I know that when it happens, that it will be EPIC. :)

Here With You--Cecilio & Kapono

I have always wanted this song for my wedding song. It seems to fit that it would be the last song that is on the playlist, because after all the drama and craziness, we would have eternity to look forward to. I know that there will still be hard times, but I would hope that we could work out whatever problems there could be. I'm not planning on ever getting divorced, so I hope that 20 years down the road that he still feels about me the way that we felt when we first got together. :)

I guess that's it. They aren't really in order... but whatever. I love these songs, and in my experience, they sort of follow the "life stages" of a relationship. IDK. I could just be super tired and delusional. lol!!!

---

So, this week was pretty crazy. I watched Pirate Radio for the first time. It was pretty hilarious, I'm not going to lie. It is not for the faint of heart... there is vulgarities and awkward moments, but the plot is really good, and it was funny.

Next week is finals. I hope I can keep up with my challenge. :S

Lyrics for today are actually a music video because I couldn't find the lyrics.

Here With You--Cecilio & Kapono

30 Days of Truth--Day 23

Day 23:  Something you wish you had done in your life.

Well, if you read the previous post, that is one. A big one. :)

But another thing that I wish I had done is applied myself more in high school and college. I think that my life would have turned out very differently if I had decided to focus on school instead of boys and partying. :) lol

I guess some things never change. ;)

---

I'm tired. :(

Separate Ways
by: Journey

Here we stand
World's apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you

Feelin' that it's gone
Can change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide love divides

*Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways

Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain

If you must go, I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love

(*chorus*)

I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
No....no...

Susi's Birthday--a blog in picture

Hello world!!!

So, like i said yesterday, it was my friend, Susi's birthday. It was super fun and hilarious. I have a video of a fast walk competition that is AWESOME!!

We took her to Cheesecake Factory. I have to say that it was one of the awesomest visits I've ever had. The waiter was SUPER nice (and hott) ;) and the food was PHENOMENAL. We also took a side trip to Whole Foods, and I have to say that I want to make a return trip. :)

Interesting fact about Karyn #91: I love to peruse grocery stores. It is relaxing for me. I like to look at the different foods and read the labels. lol. I know. I'm crazy!!! lol.

Anywho--overall a great trip, and Susi said she had fun, and that's what matters. I took a TON of pictures and made a collage of them. Here they are:

30 Days of Truth--22

Day 22:  Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

This is sort of complicated and hard to talk about.

When I was...22-ish, I decided that I would pray and see if going on a mission was the right thing for me. I didn't really think that I would get an answer. I didn't think that that answer would be yes.

Well, I was wrong. I did, and it was. Not only was it a yes, but it was a RESOUNDING, SOUL SHAKING yes. I had never gotten an answer like that to a prayer before. Then more than anytime in my life, I KNEW God was REAL. I had never felt that way before. I knew what I had to do...and I would never feel complete until I did it. I was going on a mission.

So, I did what I had to do and got ready for it and sent in my papers.

I can't even tell you how elated I was. I knew that I was supposed to go on a mission.

Then came the day where my bishop...who at the time was my dad, got a letter about it. About me. The First Presidency had sent him a letter. I needed to be healthier. They were concerned about my weight. They were worried that I would struggle out in the field.

My dad called me in and told me. At first I laughed it off. Of course they would bring up the ONE thing that I have struggled with my entire life. The one thing that I have never been able to control. But then my dad stood up and hugged me.

You think that after having the heartbreaks I have, that I would be prepared for what happened next. I have since learned that some things can cut you deeper than small things like heartbreak.

My entire world shattered. I was sad... and then I got mad. More than mad. I was PISSED. How dare they question what I knew? How could they turn ME away.

Of course I completely overlooked the part where they asked me to lose weight as a call to action. As a test to prove that this is what I wanted.

***I feel I need to interject for a little bit here and explain something. I have always been bigger than all the girls around me. It has been something of a sensitive subject for me, and I have built my entire personality around the fact that I know people will judge me for being a large woman. So, I developed a loud, apathetic personality to compensate for the hurtful things that are said and done to me. I think that is why I reacted the way I did. Okay. On to the story.***

I saw it as an attack on ME. They didn't want me to serve. They were questioning my ability to receive revelation...it spiraled out from here to a lot of assumptions and irrational thoughts that turned me into a bitter and angry person.

It lasted for a long time. I stopped trying. I stopped caring.

Only recently have I been able to move past it and realize that what I felt was still real, and I was the one who chose to turn my back on the Lord. He never left me.

So... to answer today's question...I wish I didn't doubt the Lord when he asked me to prove my faith. I wish I had listened to my family when they offered their help, and practically begged me to soften my heart.

I wish I could go back. I wish I didn't still feel the hurt and anger from that moment. I want to forgive myself for that moment...

Maybe one day I will.

---

I hate blog posts that make me cry.

Just to pay this blog post back, I will leave you with lyrics that make me happy. :)

So there blog post. There.

Green Light
by: John Legend, featuring Andre 3000

[John Legend:]
Give me the Green light
Give me just one night
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I see you move, I'm checking your smile
Working your back like it's going out of style
Shake just a little bit faster
Shake just a little now girl
Dying to meet you, so let's mess around
I've got an obsession of us getting down
Come just a little bit closer
I just need permission so just...

Give me the green light
Give me just one night
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now
We can go all night
Give me the green light
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I want your green green light
But if it's what it seems like
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it's gonna be right

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green red light
I wanna see what you dance like
But if I can be your buddy
Help you study and get your head right

[John Legend:]
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

Do I have a girlfriend... technically no.
If you'll be my girlfriend then I'll make it so
You'll be my only true lover
No competition, no others
Baby it's just the thrill of the chase
But I've got a feeling that I'm winning this race!
Baby I'm in much closer
I just need permission so...

[John Legend:]
Give me the green light...
Give me just one night.
I'm ready to go right now!
I'm ready to go right now
We can go all night
Give me the green light
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green green light
But if it's what it seems like
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it's gonna be right

[John Legend:]
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green red light
I wanna see what you dance like
But if I can be your buddy
Help you study and get your head right

[Andre 3000:]
So I went hard like Medusa staring at me
I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory
She said, What type of girl do you think I are
The kind that you meet in a bar
You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star
No I'm a comet
I just want you woman
Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with
3, the one and only
One thing you ain't considered
I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it"
Admit it
You did it
Let's hop a cab and split it
I'm kiddin
We both going to where you livin
HA, I got you gigglin like I'm piglet
Oh that's the ticket
I hope you are more like anita baker than robin givens
No, I don't know that lady so let me quit it
I'm just style freein, freestylin with ya'll soundin you
That's just what I'm telling you
Should be in bed with you
Like I've been in jail for two
Years and then they let me loose

[Chorus]

[Andre 3000:]
You got you one legend
Sometimes you gotta step from behind the piano
And let em know what's going on
Even Stevie Wonder got down sometimes
I'm ready to go

30 Days of Truth--Day 21

Day 21:  Scenario: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
 
You do what friends do. You forget the fight and go to help. No fight is more important than a life.

---

Today is my friend Susi's birthday. We're taking her to go do something AWESOME tonight. It's a surprise... so I'll give you the details and possibly pictures tomorrow. :)

Happy Birthday Susi. :)

Today's song is dedicated to you.

Electric Boogie
by: Marcia Griffiths

It's Electric!

You can't see it
[It's electric!]
You gotta feel it
[It's electric!]
Ooh, it's shakin'
[It's electric!]
[Jiggle-a-mesa-cara
She's a pumpin' like a matic
She's a movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie]

You gotta know it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie!]
Now you can't hold it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie!]
But you know it there,
Yeah here there everywhere

I've got to move,
I'm going on a party ride
I've got to groove, groove, groove,
And from this music
I just can't hide.

Are you comin' with me?
Come let me take you on a party ride
And I'll teach you, teach you, teach you
I'll teach you the electric slide

Some say it's mystic
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can't resist it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can'y do without it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic
She's movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie

Don't wanna lose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you can't choose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you know it's there,
Yeah here there everywhere

Horn Instrumental

I've got to move,
Come let me take you on a party ride
And I'll teach you, teach you, teach you
I'll teach you the electric slide

Horn Instrumental

Some say it's mystic
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can't resist it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can'y do without it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic
She's movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie

Don't wanna lose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you can't choose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you know it's there,
Yeah here there everywhere

30 Days of Truth--Day 20

Day 20:  Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Hmm. Well, My views on drugs are that unless they help you medically, they are wrong.

Alcohol... I wish that I didn't have first-hand knowledge of that bad things that can happen when you drink alcohol. It is a "substance" and therefore can affect you adversely. I believe that consuming alcohol is wrong.

I do believe that abusing either one of these substances is wrong...and extremely bad for you.

---

Today was a CRAZY day. We had a candidate forum (aka a debate) at work. People + Political Passion + Debate = Riotous action/Religious revival.

It was awesome.

Now, lyrics. I could apply it to how I felt about the last 3 elections... lol.

Holding Out For A Hero
by: Bonnie Tyler

Where have all the good men gone
and where are all the gods?
Where's the streetwise Hercules
to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight
upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss
and I turn
and I dream of what I need.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life!
larger than life.

Somewhere after midnight
in my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
there's someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder
and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman
to sweep me off my feet.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there is someone
somewhere
watching me.

Through the wind
and the chill
and the rain
And the storm
and the flood

I can feel his approach
like a fire in my blood.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life.

30 Days of Truth--Day 19

Day 19:  What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Many of you know that I am LDS (aka Mormon). AND since I pretty much covered everything I have to say on politics in this post, I'll talk about religion.

I know that a lot of people don't believe in God or Jesus. I know that a lot of people think religion is a croc...a way for humanity to feel better about their lives. I can't change what people think, but I know what I know.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the truest form of the Lords church on earth. I know that we are created in God's image. I know that Jesus is the Savior of the world. I know that he died for me. I know that a teenage boy named Joseph Smith restored Jesus Christ's church on earth. I know that same man translated the Book of Mormon and that that book is another testament of Jesus Christ, and the truest book on earth. I know that if I live my life the best I can and do the things that are asked of me, that I can be with my family forever...that death can't break us apart. I know that Thomas Monson is the Lord's prophet on the earth today and that he leads us in the paths of righteousness.


I know that God lives.


I know that He loves me unconditionally.


What do I think about religion??? 
 

Life without religion is like a world without sunlight. :)

---

Today has been pretty awesome. :) I've been having a pretty good day overall. There have been...obstacles today. However, I have decided that if I care about them too much, they'll overcome me, so I'm setting them aside.

Last night was another great night of volleyball. I think that I'm cursed though. I hurt my thumb trying to hit a ball. Some people say that I am too violent when I play volleyball. I'm not violent. I'm loud and I like to hit the ball hard, but that is NOT violent. ;) All my team members know that if I play on their team, I will be yelling at them to hit the ball. lol. Of course it's all in good fun, and no one takes me too seriously.

Today's song was in my head this morning and has stayed with me all day. I think that it was meant to be posted today. :)

Defying Gravity
from the musical Wicked--as performed in the TV series, Glee
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!

30 Days of Truth--Day 18

Day 18:  Your views on gay marriage.

Wow. This has potential to be a post that loses readers for me. However, I can't LIE in my own Truth Challenge, so here it goes.

I am split on the topic of gay marriage. On one side, I think--why not??? It's not that big of a deal. If people want a piece of paper that says they're married... whatever.

BUT on the other side of things--I think that homosexuality is wrong. I don't really understand "same-sex" attraction. Personally, I think it's gross. So, that side of me says--no freaking way. That is disgusting...

However, I am too tolerant to take it further than that thought. I am a big believer in the fact that people will pay the consequences of their actions--positive or negative. I am not responsible for other people's decisions, and I won't ever force someone to believe what I believe.

Yes. I believe that homosexuality is WRONG. However, persecution is also wrong. We are all in this together, but I don't want other people to judge me for my beliefs. What right do I have to judge others? Christ said, "Love one another as I have loved you." I love people as a whole, and I try not to judge them.

My hope is that people won't judge me and that they will allow me to believe in what I see as truth. I don't support gay marriage. I do support tolerance and love.

---

Today is going alright. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I'm cold. However, I get to work today, and that is always a good thing. I like to be busy. It helps to relax me. lol. I know that sounds funny, but it really does. I like to have something to do. :)

The song for today is a GREAT one. I hope you like it!!!

 I listen to it when I need a perk for my day! :)

Just Like Heaven
by: The Cure

"Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face I kissed her neck
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Oh, won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

30 Days of Truth--Day 17

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Hmm. This is an extremely hard question. I love reading. A lot. I can't tell you how many books I've read, because honestly I don't really know. I would say well into the thousands, but I couldn't be sure. Of course, aside from religious books, there are many that I would say changed my views on things. The most recent would be The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

This book is...for lack of a better word--AMAZING! It talks about fulfilling your dreams and going to your limits to find out who you are. One of my favorite quotes from it is: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

Truly awesome. Go read it...NOW! ;)

---

Today was church. It was so freaking awesome! My day started out badly, but it ended up AMAZING!!! I love to go to church. My favorite part is singing. I love to sing in church. It makes me feel like I am speaking directly to the heavens. :)

Also today, got to talk to my roomie for a while AND I went to my friend, Cherie's place and hung out. :)

The lyrics for today are inspired by a conversation I had today with a friend. Have a great Sunday!!!

Hair
from the musical Hair

She asks me why
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why
Don't know
It's not for lack of break
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short

Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself

They'll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical hair

My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me?

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

30 Days of Truth--Day 16

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. :)

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without stupid drivers. Why can't people just drive like NORMAL??? Especially in Utah. It feels almost like I'm following people and they haven't decided what they want to do with their lives... "To work or not to work??? Maybe if I drive 15 miles under the speed limit, everyone will love me for stalling the inevitable work week... Maybe if I slam on my breaks for no apparent reason, the people behind me will thank me endlessly, because I brake for text messages."

I HATE STUPID DRIVERS. :[

---

So today was pretty cool. I went to Vegas last night with Susi and we worked at an event for her business, yellowpix.com. They are a super cool event photography company that specializes in green-screen technology like this:

This is my Herbalife fan club. :) lol. Actually they are my coach, his coach, and the most inspirational guy I know! :)

It was cool. My knee was bothering me, but overall, there were a lot of awesome people there that were walking or running for cancer. :)

Lyrics for today are an amazing song that has made my life happier while driving. :) Enjoy it and I'll see you on the flip side!!!

Get Over It
by: The Eagles

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, Get over it

It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little a--

Get over it
Get over it
All this b-tchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it

30 Days of Truth--Day 15

Day 15:  Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I cannot live without friends and family. Literally. I slowly die each day without them. Especially when I am struggling with life... which is like every day.

I LOVE MY FREAKING FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!

Seriously. They are so amazingly awesome.

Of course if you read my blog about how much I love my family, the first part comes as no surprise to you.

However, I don't know if I have talked to you about my friends. Everywhere I live, I try to make a group of friends that is SO EPIC--that we will literally tip the earth off it's axis because of the magnitude of our awesomeness. I have to say that I have come pretty close to that here in St. George. Seriously. Everyone I hang out with is STELLAR! I don't even know how to start saying how cool and neat and marvelous and happy-making and wonderful and crazy and cool and awesome they are. But they are. You will just have t trust that I have the most amazing friends in the universe and that we have momentous good times when we get together. :)

oh, and I can't live without fruit. I love fruit. It is delicious. Except for grapefruit... which is disgusting.

---

Today I am also going to Vegas with my bff Sus. lol. (did you get my bff Rose reference??) lol.

Anyway, we're going to work, but it will be fun still. :) That is all I have to say. Have a great evening, and I'll see ya on the flip side!!!

Night by Night
by: Chromeo

I know inside of me sooner or later we gon' be free
C'mon girl, don't make a fuss
Let's have a conversation that's not just about us

When we don't know which way to go
... and it doesn't really matter what we do
there's gotta be one good way to know
If all this is worth it we can work it night by night.

She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night


I know inside of me if we wait a bit longer we'll see what's meant to be
C'mon girl, we can't be apart
A special kind of lovin reaches right through my heart

When we don't know which way to go
... and it doesn't really matter what we do
there's gotta be one good way to know
If all this is worth it we can work it night by night.

She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night

[Instrumental Solo]

... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night
... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night
... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night
... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night

She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night

(belated) 30 Days of Truth Challenge--Day 14

Day 14:  A hero that has let you down.

I don't have a lot of heroes. Here is the short list:
    • My parents
    • My grandparents
    • My brothers
It's hard to write about heroes because how can your family let you down??? BUT, there was a point in my life where i felt like one of my heroes let me down. I was angry and hurt for a good 3-4 months, until I learned the real story. I am still a little disappointed, but I realize that it is for the greater good. I am talking about when my oldest brother left his wife and kids.

I haven't really talked about how I REALLY felt when he left...mostly because I felt selfish. I have since changed my perspective on this, but when he left, I felt like he betrayed me. I felt like the brother that raised me and taught me to be better, had lost his DAMN MIND. How dare he break this family? How dare he leave ME?! I was so...soo...IDK.

Weird. I can't even properly convey the emotions that I was feeling.

How do I show you in type how much that hurt me? How angry I was??? I literally don't have words for that kind of hurt.

However, after actually talking to him and attempting to talk to his wife, I realize that he really didn't let me down. He tried to make it work for 6 years. SIX YEARS!!! That is a long time to try to fix something.

Sometimes we judge others where we should love, and sometimes we love where we should leave. I don't know a lot about love. I've only loved three men in my life other than my family. However, I do know that love should make everything around you better. There is no love left in that marriage. It's a sad but true fact. I wish my brother luck. I really do. He has a lot to sort out, and I hope that he makes smart and compassionate choices.

---

My roomie, Ames, is FINALLY moving in!!! I'm super happy and excited about it. Our place is SUPER AWESOME! :) I'm so stoked!!!

Today we (aka my band--the Waimea Trucking Company) have a gig. It's going to be awesome!

Lyrics for today... a great song. Truly a classic. I LOVE it!!!


Fire and Rain
by: James Taylor

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down on me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around,
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now
Thought I'd see you just one more time again.

Apology

Hello fair readers.

I know that you all have been ENTHRALLED with my 30 Days of Truth Challenge to myself (just go with it). I have opened the gateway to my soul (is that the eyes??? Because if it is, they are open most days. ;) ) and shared with you the TRUTH of all things.

However, to reward your loyalty and faith in my awesomeness... I have let you down.

This is the THIRD time that I am doubling up on Challenge Days. I have no excuse... Except for the fact that I am extremely tired and haven't been able to sleep and I'm slowly unpacking my new place and I hurt my knee in volleyball, and I'm worried that Blanche is on her last leg... but no excuses for this bloggerella.

I will repay you with THREE..count them..THREE blog posts today. This one, Day 14, and day 15.

I hope that my humble offering will make up for the horrible time frame that I have been keeping.

Enjoy your day. This post won't have a song attached, but a music video. Enjoy it. Enjoy your day, and enjoy my posts. :) (All three of them.)


Remember the post I wrote about the kid that was gawking at me??? Becaue I love you ALL, and because I trust you all to love me back, I decided to post a video of ME singing that song... my dad's favorite Hawaiian mele (song) that I sing... "Ke Aloha." <3 ya!!!

HERE IS THE VIDEO!!!

30 Days of Truth--12 & 13

So, I have been SUPER busy at work. My computer has been acting up. After running every scan I know of, I think it's finally okay. So--here it goes. Sorry I missed yesterday!
---

Day 12:  Something you never get compliments on.

There are a lot of things that I don't get compliments on. However, something I never get compliments on that I would like to get a compliment on are my eyes. :) I think that I have really nice eyes, but I rarely get complimented on them. Also, I don't get compliments on my graphic design that often. Maybe people just don't know that I design stuff... or maybe it isn't that good, but I would like to get more compliments on those things eventually. Maybe I get them, but I don't pay attention. That could be a part of it too! ;) lol.

Day 13:  A band or artist that has gotten you through some really tough days.

Hmm. This is tough because I LOVE music. Almost more than life. AND so, I listen to a lot of different stuff. However, I think that one of the groups that has affected me deeply is a Hawaiian group called Malino. They are AMAZING. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE their songs. They are a Hawaiian/reggae group, and they are awesome. I love Switchback. They have a lot of songs that have helped me. There are so many more... The Cure, Amy Hanaialii-Gilliom, The Eagles, Earth Wind and Fire, Boyz II Men, Nat King Cole, and so many more!!!  Gosh. I love music.

---

I've been reading a book called the 12 Pillars of Success by Jim Rohn. It is a FANTASTIC motivational book by one of my favorite people--Jim Rohn. He is an amazing motivator, and a great teacher. I have been learning a lot about how to draw success to myself,and it starts with personal change.

I know that as I tell you the next part, that you are probably thinking..."she has said this before. When it will actually happen???" lol. Well, change is coming. lol. Finally. I think that I have been holding on to the past for so long that I was scared as to what might happen to me if I let it go. Well, NO WORRIES! I am getting geared up to change things up a bit. Life is only as awesome as you make it, and I plan on making it AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!!

On another note--it is October. The month of...Halloween! I have to admit that I haven't ever really been that big into Halloween. I just haven't ever really seen the draw. You dress up in costumes, scare yourself (and others) and get candy. Isn't it easier to just buy the candy you want and hang out??? lol. I totally sound like a hermit right there.

Moving along... This year I think I'm getting more into it. I think it has a lot to do with friends of mine that are WAY into Halloween. It makes me want to participate for the sheer fun of hanging out with those people. We'll see how it goes. I think I may fulfill my life-long dream of being a pumpkin this year. lol. I have always wanted to be a pumpkin for Halloween, and maybe I will actually do it this year! :)

Anywho--song for the day. From my favorite band, Malino. It's a great song. Enjoy it, and this link to a YouTube video of it. :) Not the original video, but a beautiful rendition. :)

Second Chance
by: Malino

Since you been gone
I feel my life slipping away
I look to the sky, but everything Is turning gray
All I've made was one mistake
How much more will I have to pay?
Why can't you think it over?
Why can't you forget about the past?

'Cause love makes a sound baby
Our heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
Can't you see I love you?
Since you've been gone, I've been in a trance
This heart needs a second chance
Don't say it's over, I just can't say goodbye

So this is love
I'm standing In the pouring rain
I fooled on you, but she never meant a thing
And I know I ain't got no right
To ask you to sympathize
Why can't you think it over?
Why can't you forget the past?

'Cause love makes a sound baby
Our heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
Can't you see I love you?
Since you've been gone, I've been in a trance
This heart needs a second chance
Don't say it's over, I just can't say goodbye

My heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
My heart needs a second chance
My heart needs a second chance
Don't say goodbye, don't ever, ever say goodbye
My heart needs a second chance...

30 Days of Truth--Day 11

Day 11:  Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Well, people often compliment me on my voice or my height. I am tall for a woman, so I guess when people only see me without hearing me sing, they compliment me on that. However, when people hear me sing, that is usually the only thing they notice about me.

A funny story--I was visiting my grandma for her birthday this last week, and she asked me to bring my uke so that I could sing her a song. We got to my uncle's house (who was throwing the party) and started eating. A half hour into the evening, the local missionaries came over with two guys they were going on splits (or partnering up with) on. No one really paid any attention to me other than my Uncle, who just got home from Iraq and my grandma.

Later that evening, my grandma asked me to sing for her. I sang one of her favorite songs, Ke Aloha. One of the guys that was with the missionaries stopped everything he was doing and as my grandma put it, "sat in rapture" the entire time I sang. Afterwards, he was staring at me and was sort of "all up in my grill." He then told me (extremely loudly), "that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!"

lol. I laugh only because he was super obsessed with me the rest of the night, and asked my Grandma if he could buy my CD (which she mentioned that she had... troublemaker!) AND that I inspired him to buy a ukulele and start singing.

I know better than most that I can be weird about this kind of thing, but he CREEPED me out. Big time. I understand that I have a nice voice, but please be discreet with your compliments. lol. Also--I tend to not like to sing in front of people because it alters their perception of me. If you like me, I hope that it is because of who I am... not because of what I sound like! ;)

---

Well, it's great to be back in St. George...mostly because I have finally started unpacking. :) It was cool--last night, me and my roomie Amy just talked and stuff while we moved my bed and furniture into my room and stuff. I love our new place and our landlord. :) She and her family are AMAZING, so I'm stoked to be there.

I don't really have much to say, other than I am SUPER excited for this week. :) It's going to be AWESOME!

The song for today is pretty awesome. I post it in homage of a voice that I wish I could emulate...although I don't really know if I want to change my voice. I like it. ;) lol. Anyway...Stevie Nicks is AMAZING. I love her voice...it's so raspy and amazing.


Landslide (Acoustic Version)<--which is really the only version I like...
by: Fleetwood Mac

Took this love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Oh oh I don't know, ooh I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older too
Yes I'm getting older too, oh...

I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Yes, I'm getting older too

So, take this love, take it down
Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring you down, down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe--the landslide will bring you down
Well, well, the landslide will bring it down.

30 Days of Truth--Day 10

Day 10:  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Wow. There aren't a lot of people that I know that I don't like. Hmm. There are people that I do need to let go though. I think the most important person that I need to let go is who I was...aka the "old" Karyn.

Let me explain.

The person that i am now is not the person I was eight to ten years ago. That version of me was a loud, obnoxious, violent and I hate to say this--a drunk. I was not a good person, and I hurt and physically assaulted a lot of people. The good thing about that version of me is that I never held back anything. It is extremely liberating to say exactly what you want to whenever you want to. However, it is also often hurtful, spiteful, and insulting. I also loved feeling like an individual. I did what I wanted and unleashed the full power of my personality...which was exhilarating. There are so many other aspect of who I used to be, but I won't go into it.

I am only learning now (aka in the last 5 years) that I can still be me without the stupidity. I can still be fun and spunky while being respectful and nice. AND, giving up drinking was one of the best things I've ever done. DON'T DO IT!!! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!

I need to fully let her go before I can move on with life. It's taking some time, but it's happening! :)

---

I go back to the SG today. I have to say that I am a little sad about it. This weekend has been AWESOME, and I alway miss my family when I leave. A LOT. Oh well. A hui hou. Until we meet again.

Lyrics.

One Foot on Sand
by: Justin Young

Chant    (Oli)
Eia Hawai'i   (Behold Hawai'i)
He motu    (An island)
He kanaka    (A man)
He kanaka Hawai'i e    (A Hawaiian man)
'Anno'ai me ke aloha nui e Hawai'i    (Greetings with great love Hawai'i)
Aloha no e ku'u one hanau e,    (Love indeed to Hawai’i the sands of my birth)
Aloha e, aloha e, aloha e   (Love...)

On my own, on the wind
A moment ends and one begins
Sense of freedom over the sea
But I watch my home get further from me
Sometimes I reach to meet the clouds
But I always keep on foot on the ground

My horizons widening
But nights are cold here, sometimes lonely
Eyes are open, so much to see
But sometimes they long for familiarity
And away on distant lands
I always keep one foot on the sand

'Anno'ai me ke aloha nui e Hawai'i    (Greetings with great love Hawai'i)
Aloha no e ku'u one hanau e,    (Love indeed to Hawai’i the sands of my birth)

Holidays bring me home
My appreciation has grown
Warmer waters, smaller pond
But some thing here circle on
Sometimes I reach to meet the clouds
But I always on the ground
And away on distant lands
I always keep one foot on the sand

30 Days of Truth--Day 09

Day 09:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Hmm. There are a lot of people who have drifted away from me. Mostly because I am horrible at keeping up correspondence. However, I think that someone who I really wanted to keep in touch with that just drifted away is my good friend Elyse. We were SUPER close from the time I moved to Hawaii all through high school, but as time wore on, we just drifted apart. I totally miss her, and we still talk occasionally, but it just isn't the same.

---

Wow! Well, Prescott is AWESOME! We are staying at this sweet vacation rental, and so it's been super fun. I think the part I love most is just being around my family. I never really grew up knowing my mom's side of the family, so it has been super awesome to forge relationships with them in the last 5 years. :)

Song for today is an oldie, but I totally love this version. You can't find the CD anymore (it was before the era of iTunes and Kazaa) because the band broke up, but it is still one of my VERY favorite songs. :)

Drift Away
by: Colon

Day after day I'm more confused,
I look for the light in the mornin' rain,
you know that's the game that i hate to lose,
but I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

beginning to think that I'm wastin' time,
I don't understand the things i do,
the world outside is so unkind,
but I'm countin' on you, to carry me through.

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

And when my mind is free,
no melody can move me,
when I'm feelin' blue,
guitars are comin'through to soothe me

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

And thanks for the joy that you're givin' me,
I want you to know I believe in your song,
rhythm and rhyme and harmony,
you help me along, makin' me strong.

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah. (x2)

30 Days of Truth--Day 08

Day 08:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.

Well, this is not a hard one to answer. There were a group of people (whom I will not mention the names of...because I just don't think I have to) who were horrible to me all through high school and up until college. This group was compromised of some extended family members and their friends. I never quite understood why they hated me so much, but I guess I don't really want to know. The saddest part is that I am only now coming to the conclusion that I don't want or need them in my life, and I have been making a conscious effort to avoid them.

---

Today I am going to Prescott to see my 99 year old great-grandmother, Ione. I am SO stoked about it!!! She is truly an amazing woman, and I love to talk to her about the "old days." She always has the BEST stories... like:

She was about 6 or maybe 8, and her mom was pregnant. Her dad was a rancher in Northern AZ, and there wasn't any doctor or even a neighbor that was closer than 10 miles or so. Her mom taught her how to deliver a baby, just in case she had to do it while her dad was out with the cattle. The day came when her mom went into labor, and her dad came at the last minute (aka when the baby was basically coming out) so that my gg didn't have to finish it off.

Can you imagine having to do that??? It's incredible! She lived a great life, and she is just so interesting!!! :) Anywho. I am completely loving my time here in AZ. It's so nice to be with family. :)

Song for today... a great song, and one that you should probably go get RIGHT NOW!!! ;) lol.

Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days)
by: The Judds

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
And paint me the picture of long ago

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

30 Days of Truth--Day 07

Day 07:  Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Despite the risk of getting extremely emotional and crying my eyes out, I will answer this as honestly as possible without disclosing too much. My nieces and nephews make my life worth living for. It all started with the oldest--Keala. I was in a bad place in my life, and he was born prematurely. Seeing him struggle to live, and being able to hold his tiny little hands changed me in a way that I can't fully describe or comprehend. (Great...now I'm crying...lol.) His strength and will to live made me want to be better than I was. It made me want to change the world so that he could be safe and happy. That feeling has only grown with each successive child that my brothers have. Keala, Kawika, Lilia, Peter, and Nani are my inspiration to make a difference. They are my guiding light in this world. I owe everything to them. They inspired me to change my life when I was in my darkest hour. I love them more than words can say, and I will never forget their love for me.

---


:) That felt really good. :)


You Bring Me Joy
by: Anita Baker

You bring me joy when I'm down oh, so much joy
When I lose my way your love comes smiling on me
I saw your face and them I knew we would be friends
I was so afraid but your arms, they'd say, "Come to me"

So I'd say to you, "Can we talk for a while?"
You'd say, "Alright" when you love me, I smile
I feel you hands and you feel mine
You bring me joy

You bring me joy, don't go too far away
If I can't see your face, I will remember that smile
But can this be right or when should we be friends?
I get lonely sometimes and I'm mixed up again
'Cause you're the finest thing I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy

My joy, my joy
I believe this is gonna be what you want it to be
I just love you, I just love you, can't you see?
I'll show my finest thing, I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy

My joy, you're my joy
My joy, my, my joy

Thank you, baby, thank you, baby
I just love you, baby, I just love you, baby, I just love you
When I lose my way, your love comes smiling on me

30 Days of Truth--Day 06

Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do

I never want to have to choose between someone I care about and my family. When I love someone, even if they can't get a long with my family, I expect them to put on a brave face and be there with me when I go to see them. My family is awesome, and I like to think that anyone can get along with them. However, after seeing my aunty get married to an abusive guy and never be able to spend time with us, I have sworn to myself that it would never be me.  Both parties are a part of me. I could never and would never choose.

---

SO!!! I've been in Arizona for the last day and a half. I love coming down here to spend time with my grandma. She is so funny and smart. She is also one of my best friends. I talk to her about everything, and she listens to me and gives me advice. She is so amazingly wonderful!!! She's funny and kind, and always wanting to make you feel comfortable and happy. She also reads as much as if not more than I do and she does genealogy constantly. She is a part of the woman I would like to become.

I'm keeping it short today. I have a lot to do and only a short amount of time to do it, so I'll just leave you with today's lyrics. One of my all time favorite oldies but goodies. :) Ella is so beautiful and sings like an angel. :)

Misty
by: Ella Fitzgerald

Look at me
I’m as helpless as a kitten up a tree;
And I feel like I’m clingin’ to a cloud,
I can’ t understand
I get misty
Just holding your hand.

Walk my way,
And a thousand violins begin to play,
Or it might be the sound of your hello,
That music I hear,
I get misty
The moment you’re near.

Can’t you see that you’re leading me on?
And it’s just what I want you to do,
Don’t you notice how hopelessly I’m lost
That’s why I’m following you.

On my own,
When I wander through this wonderland alone,
Never knowing my right foot from my left
My hat from my glove
I’m too misty
And too much in love.
Too misty,
And too much
In love.

30 Days of Truth--Day 04 and 05

Aloha all!!!

Sorry! I forgot to post yesterday. Here it is:


Day 04:  Something you have to forgive someone for.

I can't really think of something that I have to forgive other people for... hmm. I guess I need to forgive certain family members for treating me like garbage growing up. I don't think that I have ever fully forgiven any of them for being huge gigantic jerks to me. I don't know if I will ever be able to either. The way that they treated me was unacceptable, and they don't think that they are--in any way--in the wrong for doing so.
 
Day 05:  Something you hope to do in your life.

I hope one day to write a book. I'm not really disciplined enough to do it right now, but I think eventually that would be something that would mark my accomplishments in life. :)

---

Okay. I'll keep this short--as I am leaving town hopefully in the next half hour. Things are going well. Last night for FHE, our ward played volleyball. It was SUPER fun! :) I keep forgetting how much I love to play volleyball...which makes it all the fun-ner when I play again! It also reminds me of how out of shape I am. I gotta get back into the groove. :) Anyone know how to tape an ankle???


Love The Way You Lie
by: Eminem featuring Rihanna

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She f---ing hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting f---ing sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in eachother's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull eachother's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to f---ing leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

30 Days of Truth--Day 03

Day 03:  Something you have to forgive yourself for.


This is a hard one too. I think that I need to forgive myself for making life altering mistakes. I don't regret a lot of my life--but what I do regret is holding me back from happiness. I need to forgive myself for being human. For making mistakes. Maybe they were stupid, but I need to realize that no one is perfect and the mistakes I have made maybe have changed my life for the better. Who knows. Maybe I will be a better person on the other side of things.


I also need to forgive myself for giving up on myself. I had an opportunity a while back to do something truly amazing, but I chose instead to turn away and basically give up on myself. I know now that I could have accomplished a lot, but I chose to give up. I think it was due to what was going on in my life at the time, but at the same time, I wish I had made a different choice...but the time is past now. Maybe I'll consider things again in the future...who knows.


---


I had a dream last night that my cousin Leo called my ex and told him that she had to stop being his friend because it was hurting me too much. That isn't that bad, but she said it in front of his wife! That, and a couple of other revelations (in my dreamland) made it so that she was going to leave him. I really surprised my non-dream self because I went to her (even though in real life, she hates my guts) and convinced her to take him back. I remember telling her that even though we had shared something great, that he CHOSE her. The awesomest thing is that I totally meant it. 

I am completely done. 

t's like a cloud has been lifted. I'm done. lol. It feels AWESOME! :)

This weekend had been super awesome. :) My move went awesome and I have been crashing at my good friend/sister by choice -- Susi's house. It has been fun, but I like to have my own space and whatnot, so I'll be glad to be able to FINALLY move in. :) I am also taking a trip to Arizona to have a welcome home fest for my Uncle Aaron. :) He has been in Iraq for basically the last 20 years, and he is finally permanently state-side. :) It's gonna be AWESOME! :)


Well, take care all. Lyrics for today are AWESOME! :)


One Drop
by: Bob Marley

Oo-oo-ooh, yea-ah. Wo-yoy! Wo-yoy! Wo-yoy! Wo-yoy-yoy-yoy!
Feel it in the one drop;
And we'll still find time to rap;
We're makin' the one stop,
The generation gap;
Now feel this drumbeat
As it beats within,
Playin' a riddim,
Resisting against the system, ooh-wee!

I know Jah's never let us down;
Pull your rights from wrong
(I know Jah would never let us down)
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
They made their world so hard (so hard):
Every day we got to keep on fighting (fighting);
They made their world so hard (so hard):
Every day the people are dyin' (dying), yeah!
(It dread, dread) For hunger (dread, dread) and starvation
(dread, dread, dread, dread),
Lamentation (dread dread),
But read it in Revelation (dread, dread, dread, dread):
You'll find your redemption
And then you give us the teachings of His Majesty,
For we no want no devil philosophy;
A you fe give us the teachings of His Majesty,
A we no want no devil philosophy:

Feel it in the one drop;
And we still find time to rap;
We're making the one stop,
And we filling the gap:
So feel this drumbeat
As it beats within
Playing a riddim, uh!
Fighting against ism and skism,

Singing: I know Jah's never let us down;
Pull your rights from wrong:
I know Jah's never let us down.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
They made their world so hard
Every day (we got to keep on fighting), every day;
They made their world so hard
Every day (the people are dying), eh!
(dread, dread, it dread, dread) Oh, whoa! Make dem a-go on so:
(dread, dread, it dread on dread) Ah, whoa!
(dread, dread) I'll walk (it dread, dread)
Ah, whoa! Frighten dem, ah whoa!
(dread, dread) Ah, whoa! Frighten dem, eh!
Give us the teachings of His Majesty - with a stick-up!
We no want no devil philosophy. Can you hear?
Give us the teachings of His Majesty,
For we no want no devil philosophy.

We feel it in the one drop; you're lucky!
For we still got time to rap,
And we're making the one stop
Let me tell ya: this generation gap.
So feel this drumbeat;
I tell you what: it's beating within
Feel you heart playing a riddim - /fadeout/