(belated) 30 Days of Truth Challenge--Day 14

Day 14:  A hero that has let you down.

I don't have a lot of heroes. Here is the short list:
    • My parents
    • My grandparents
    • My brothers
It's hard to write about heroes because how can your family let you down??? BUT, there was a point in my life where i felt like one of my heroes let me down. I was angry and hurt for a good 3-4 months, until I learned the real story. I am still a little disappointed, but I realize that it is for the greater good. I am talking about when my oldest brother left his wife and kids.

I haven't really talked about how I REALLY felt when he left...mostly because I felt selfish. I have since changed my perspective on this, but when he left, I felt like he betrayed me. I felt like the brother that raised me and taught me to be better, had lost his DAMN MIND. How dare he break this family? How dare he leave ME?! I was so...soo...IDK.

Weird. I can't even properly convey the emotions that I was feeling.

How do I show you in type how much that hurt me? How angry I was??? I literally don't have words for that kind of hurt.

However, after actually talking to him and attempting to talk to his wife, I realize that he really didn't let me down. He tried to make it work for 6 years. SIX YEARS!!! That is a long time to try to fix something.

Sometimes we judge others where we should love, and sometimes we love where we should leave. I don't know a lot about love. I've only loved three men in my life other than my family. However, I do know that love should make everything around you better. There is no love left in that marriage. It's a sad but true fact. I wish my brother luck. I really do. He has a lot to sort out, and I hope that he makes smart and compassionate choices.

---

My roomie, Ames, is FINALLY moving in!!! I'm super happy and excited about it. Our place is SUPER AWESOME! :) I'm so stoked!!!

Today we (aka my band--the Waimea Trucking Company) have a gig. It's going to be awesome!

Lyrics for today... a great song. Truly a classic. I LOVE it!!!


Fire and Rain
by: James Taylor

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down on me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around,
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now
Thought I'd see you just one more time again.

Apology

Hello fair readers.

I know that you all have been ENTHRALLED with my 30 Days of Truth Challenge to myself (just go with it). I have opened the gateway to my soul (is that the eyes??? Because if it is, they are open most days. ;) ) and shared with you the TRUTH of all things.

However, to reward your loyalty and faith in my awesomeness... I have let you down.

This is the THIRD time that I am doubling up on Challenge Days. I have no excuse... Except for the fact that I am extremely tired and haven't been able to sleep and I'm slowly unpacking my new place and I hurt my knee in volleyball, and I'm worried that Blanche is on her last leg... but no excuses for this bloggerella.

I will repay you with THREE..count them..THREE blog posts today. This one, Day 14, and day 15.

I hope that my humble offering will make up for the horrible time frame that I have been keeping.

Enjoy your day. This post won't have a song attached, but a music video. Enjoy it. Enjoy your day, and enjoy my posts. :) (All three of them.)


Remember the post I wrote about the kid that was gawking at me??? Becaue I love you ALL, and because I trust you all to love me back, I decided to post a video of ME singing that song... my dad's favorite Hawaiian mele (song) that I sing... "Ke Aloha." <3 ya!!!

HERE IS THE VIDEO!!!

30 Days of Truth--12 & 13

So, I have been SUPER busy at work. My computer has been acting up. After running every scan I know of, I think it's finally okay. So--here it goes. Sorry I missed yesterday!
---

Day 12:  Something you never get compliments on.

There are a lot of things that I don't get compliments on. However, something I never get compliments on that I would like to get a compliment on are my eyes. :) I think that I have really nice eyes, but I rarely get complimented on them. Also, I don't get compliments on my graphic design that often. Maybe people just don't know that I design stuff... or maybe it isn't that good, but I would like to get more compliments on those things eventually. Maybe I get them, but I don't pay attention. That could be a part of it too! ;) lol.

Day 13:  A band or artist that has gotten you through some really tough days.

Hmm. This is tough because I LOVE music. Almost more than life. AND so, I listen to a lot of different stuff. However, I think that one of the groups that has affected me deeply is a Hawaiian group called Malino. They are AMAZING. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE their songs. They are a Hawaiian/reggae group, and they are awesome. I love Switchback. They have a lot of songs that have helped me. There are so many more... The Cure, Amy Hanaialii-Gilliom, The Eagles, Earth Wind and Fire, Boyz II Men, Nat King Cole, and so many more!!!  Gosh. I love music.

---

I've been reading a book called the 12 Pillars of Success by Jim Rohn. It is a FANTASTIC motivational book by one of my favorite people--Jim Rohn. He is an amazing motivator, and a great teacher. I have been learning a lot about how to draw success to myself,and it starts with personal change.

I know that as I tell you the next part, that you are probably thinking..."she has said this before. When it will actually happen???" lol. Well, change is coming. lol. Finally. I think that I have been holding on to the past for so long that I was scared as to what might happen to me if I let it go. Well, NO WORRIES! I am getting geared up to change things up a bit. Life is only as awesome as you make it, and I plan on making it AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!!

On another note--it is October. The month of...Halloween! I have to admit that I haven't ever really been that big into Halloween. I just haven't ever really seen the draw. You dress up in costumes, scare yourself (and others) and get candy. Isn't it easier to just buy the candy you want and hang out??? lol. I totally sound like a hermit right there.

Moving along... This year I think I'm getting more into it. I think it has a lot to do with friends of mine that are WAY into Halloween. It makes me want to participate for the sheer fun of hanging out with those people. We'll see how it goes. I think I may fulfill my life-long dream of being a pumpkin this year. lol. I have always wanted to be a pumpkin for Halloween, and maybe I will actually do it this year! :)

Anywho--song for the day. From my favorite band, Malino. It's a great song. Enjoy it, and this link to a YouTube video of it. :) Not the original video, but a beautiful rendition. :)

Second Chance
by: Malino

Since you been gone
I feel my life slipping away
I look to the sky, but everything Is turning gray
All I've made was one mistake
How much more will I have to pay?
Why can't you think it over?
Why can't you forget about the past?

'Cause love makes a sound baby
Our heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
Can't you see I love you?
Since you've been gone, I've been in a trance
This heart needs a second chance
Don't say it's over, I just can't say goodbye

So this is love
I'm standing In the pouring rain
I fooled on you, but she never meant a thing
And I know I ain't got no right
To ask you to sympathize
Why can't you think it over?
Why can't you forget the past?

'Cause love makes a sound baby
Our heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
Can't you see I love you?
Since you've been gone, I've been in a trance
This heart needs a second chance
Don't say it's over, I just can't say goodbye

My heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
My heart needs a second chance
My heart needs a second chance
Don't say goodbye, don't ever, ever say goodbye
My heart needs a second chance...

30 Days of Truth--Day 11

Day 11:  Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Well, people often compliment me on my voice or my height. I am tall for a woman, so I guess when people only see me without hearing me sing, they compliment me on that. However, when people hear me sing, that is usually the only thing they notice about me.

A funny story--I was visiting my grandma for her birthday this last week, and she asked me to bring my uke so that I could sing her a song. We got to my uncle's house (who was throwing the party) and started eating. A half hour into the evening, the local missionaries came over with two guys they were going on splits (or partnering up with) on. No one really paid any attention to me other than my Uncle, who just got home from Iraq and my grandma.

Later that evening, my grandma asked me to sing for her. I sang one of her favorite songs, Ke Aloha. One of the guys that was with the missionaries stopped everything he was doing and as my grandma put it, "sat in rapture" the entire time I sang. Afterwards, he was staring at me and was sort of "all up in my grill." He then told me (extremely loudly), "that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!"

lol. I laugh only because he was super obsessed with me the rest of the night, and asked my Grandma if he could buy my CD (which she mentioned that she had... troublemaker!) AND that I inspired him to buy a ukulele and start singing.

I know better than most that I can be weird about this kind of thing, but he CREEPED me out. Big time. I understand that I have a nice voice, but please be discreet with your compliments. lol. Also--I tend to not like to sing in front of people because it alters their perception of me. If you like me, I hope that it is because of who I am... not because of what I sound like! ;)

---

Well, it's great to be back in St. George...mostly because I have finally started unpacking. :) It was cool--last night, me and my roomie Amy just talked and stuff while we moved my bed and furniture into my room and stuff. I love our new place and our landlord. :) She and her family are AMAZING, so I'm stoked to be there.

I don't really have much to say, other than I am SUPER excited for this week. :) It's going to be AWESOME!

The song for today is pretty awesome. I post it in homage of a voice that I wish I could emulate...although I don't really know if I want to change my voice. I like it. ;) lol. Anyway...Stevie Nicks is AMAZING. I love her voice...it's so raspy and amazing.


Landslide (Acoustic Version)<--which is really the only version I like...
by: Fleetwood Mac

Took this love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Oh oh I don't know, ooh I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older too
Yes I'm getting older too, oh...

I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Yes, I'm getting older too

So, take this love, take it down
Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring you down, down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe--the landslide will bring you down
Well, well, the landslide will bring it down.

30 Days of Truth--Day 10

Day 10:  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Wow. There aren't a lot of people that I know that I don't like. Hmm. There are people that I do need to let go though. I think the most important person that I need to let go is who I was...aka the "old" Karyn.

Let me explain.

The person that i am now is not the person I was eight to ten years ago. That version of me was a loud, obnoxious, violent and I hate to say this--a drunk. I was not a good person, and I hurt and physically assaulted a lot of people. The good thing about that version of me is that I never held back anything. It is extremely liberating to say exactly what you want to whenever you want to. However, it is also often hurtful, spiteful, and insulting. I also loved feeling like an individual. I did what I wanted and unleashed the full power of my personality...which was exhilarating. There are so many other aspect of who I used to be, but I won't go into it.

I am only learning now (aka in the last 5 years) that I can still be me without the stupidity. I can still be fun and spunky while being respectful and nice. AND, giving up drinking was one of the best things I've ever done. DON'T DO IT!!! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!

I need to fully let her go before I can move on with life. It's taking some time, but it's happening! :)

---

I go back to the SG today. I have to say that I am a little sad about it. This weekend has been AWESOME, and I alway miss my family when I leave. A LOT. Oh well. A hui hou. Until we meet again.

Lyrics.

One Foot on Sand
by: Justin Young

Chant    (Oli)
Eia Hawai'i   (Behold Hawai'i)
He motu    (An island)
He kanaka    (A man)
He kanaka Hawai'i e    (A Hawaiian man)
'Anno'ai me ke aloha nui e Hawai'i    (Greetings with great love Hawai'i)
Aloha no e ku'u one hanau e,    (Love indeed to Hawai’i the sands of my birth)
Aloha e, aloha e, aloha e   (Love...)

On my own, on the wind
A moment ends and one begins
Sense of freedom over the sea
But I watch my home get further from me
Sometimes I reach to meet the clouds
But I always keep on foot on the ground

My horizons widening
But nights are cold here, sometimes lonely
Eyes are open, so much to see
But sometimes they long for familiarity
And away on distant lands
I always keep one foot on the sand

'Anno'ai me ke aloha nui e Hawai'i    (Greetings with great love Hawai'i)
Aloha no e ku'u one hanau e,    (Love indeed to Hawai’i the sands of my birth)

Holidays bring me home
My appreciation has grown
Warmer waters, smaller pond
But some thing here circle on
Sometimes I reach to meet the clouds
But I always on the ground
And away on distant lands
I always keep one foot on the sand

30 Days of Truth--Day 09

Day 09:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Hmm. There are a lot of people who have drifted away from me. Mostly because I am horrible at keeping up correspondence. However, I think that someone who I really wanted to keep in touch with that just drifted away is my good friend Elyse. We were SUPER close from the time I moved to Hawaii all through high school, but as time wore on, we just drifted apart. I totally miss her, and we still talk occasionally, but it just isn't the same.

---

Wow! Well, Prescott is AWESOME! We are staying at this sweet vacation rental, and so it's been super fun. I think the part I love most is just being around my family. I never really grew up knowing my mom's side of the family, so it has been super awesome to forge relationships with them in the last 5 years. :)

Song for today is an oldie, but I totally love this version. You can't find the CD anymore (it was before the era of iTunes and Kazaa) because the band broke up, but it is still one of my VERY favorite songs. :)

Drift Away
by: Colon

Day after day I'm more confused,
I look for the light in the mornin' rain,
you know that's the game that i hate to lose,
but I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

beginning to think that I'm wastin' time,
I don't understand the things i do,
the world outside is so unkind,
but I'm countin' on you, to carry me through.

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

And when my mind is free,
no melody can move me,
when I'm feelin' blue,
guitars are comin'through to soothe me

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

And thanks for the joy that you're givin' me,
I want you to know I believe in your song,
rhythm and rhyme and harmony,
you help me along, makin' me strong.

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah. (x2)

30 Days of Truth--Day 08

Day 08:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.

Well, this is not a hard one to answer. There were a group of people (whom I will not mention the names of...because I just don't think I have to) who were horrible to me all through high school and up until college. This group was compromised of some extended family members and their friends. I never quite understood why they hated me so much, but I guess I don't really want to know. The saddest part is that I am only now coming to the conclusion that I don't want or need them in my life, and I have been making a conscious effort to avoid them.

---

Today I am going to Prescott to see my 99 year old great-grandmother, Ione. I am SO stoked about it!!! She is truly an amazing woman, and I love to talk to her about the "old days." She always has the BEST stories... like:

She was about 6 or maybe 8, and her mom was pregnant. Her dad was a rancher in Northern AZ, and there wasn't any doctor or even a neighbor that was closer than 10 miles or so. Her mom taught her how to deliver a baby, just in case she had to do it while her dad was out with the cattle. The day came when her mom went into labor, and her dad came at the last minute (aka when the baby was basically coming out) so that my gg didn't have to finish it off.

Can you imagine having to do that??? It's incredible! She lived a great life, and she is just so interesting!!! :) Anywho. I am completely loving my time here in AZ. It's so nice to be with family. :)

Song for today... a great song, and one that you should probably go get RIGHT NOW!!! ;) lol.

Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days)
by: The Judds

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
And paint me the picture of long ago

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days