Cyclical Thinking.

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in a loop in your head? Or think about a situation and go through every detail until you have burned every moment into your soul? Where you relive things over and over to see what you did wrong... or to try to see if there was something you could have done different or better... and ultimately hate yourself for not making the "right" choice or making "stupid" mistakes? Or your heart hurts over decisions that someone else made that affect you, and now you're stuck in a situation that you are trying to think yourself out of, but since you have no control, you have no effect on the outcome... no matter how hard you try or want to push. And ultimately you come to the conclusion that it's better to just to never try and that you couldn't have been that happy... and that you didn't deserve it anyway... and that it's better to just curl up around your broken heart and cradle the pieces, and just hope that eventually, the pain goes away?

And then someone comes along and makes you feel like you might be worth someone's time, and that you might be worthy of care and consideration and love. And you decide to let them touch your heart, and you allow them space in your mind, and you show them the pieces of your heart, and they tell you you're not broken. That you are just human and allowed to make mistakes... so you give them more of you and trust them to sometimes share the burdens on your heart. And you have deep conversations, and you talk about your past heartbreaks and dreams for the future. And you share intimate moments, and laughs and kisses... 

And then all of a sudden it isn't enough... and you start trying to think of why things are different. And you start thinking about the conversations you've had and all the moments you've shared, and you try to figure out what you did wrong... and you go through every detail until every moment you've shared is burned into your soul... and You start to relive things over and over to try to find out what you did wrong... and start beating the shit out of yourself because you obviously didn't say the right thing, and you made a stupid mistake... and every song you've shared that made your heart soar, now make it break... but you listen to it anyway because you're trying to recapture what is slipping between your fingers...

No? Yeah... me neither.