New Life

Lately I have been...

Hmm... I can't really think of the right word. Stretched thin? Over-extended?

Anyway. You get what I mean.

When I get like this (and it does happen from time to time) I try to avoid people because if you have known me for any length of time, I tend to be ... unpleasant. Grumpy. Cantankerous. (lol)

However, when you have someone who is typically in a good mood and really happy and doing what they are supposed to as your roommate (I'm talking about you, Amy), it is nearly impossible to have a bad day or to be in a bad mood for any length of time.

In fact, I find myself intrigued, enlightened, and amused at the smallest and least likely of things. It's been really cool. For instance, I made a calendar AGES ago for work, and the color combination I created on October 7th is phenomenal. It's like a spring green, orangey-pink and golden rod. It's seriously amazing.

What really inspired this blog though happened last night after a birthday party I went to. My good friend Wyatt was there playing volleyball, and he stopped playing the game and hugged me. He also told me that he missed having me around and that he wished I would make more of an effort to be a part of our social group again.

I was seriously surprised. I didn't think that it really made that much of a difference to people if I was around or not. I have been buried in school, and make that excuse to people when they ask me about where I've been, but it was nice.

Another thing happened last night that was cool too. My roomie came to my office (where I was doing homework) and just chilled with me until I was done. So, as we were sitting in the office, I finished a particularly difficult piece of my accounting homework and exclaimed, "I am amazing!"

Do you know what she said?

"It took you that long to figure that out?"

Not only was that super cool of her to say that, but it made me think.

I think I undervalue myself.

I mean...I'm not trying to be cocky or arrogant. However, I do "have a particular set of skills" (movie quote?) that I think are unique and are valuable. I think I'm pretty awesome at what I do. People come and ask me for things, and I can give them what they ask for. How fantastic is that?

I guess what I really want to say is...THANK YOU. Thanks to friends and family that support me, and inspire me to be better, and that love me unconditionally. This week I have definitely needed it, and you all have delivered beautifully.

Now, this song is the EXACT opposite of what I just said, but it has been in my head, so here you go:

I am an optimist.

I always like to look on the bright side of things. I guess I figure that it's too depressing to be pessimistic all the time. I do have pessimistic moments...I will actually seek out the worst case scenario, plan for it, and then hope for the best case scenario to happen. :)

I suppose that makes me a cautious optimist. lol.

Anyway. The reason I am writing this is because of one thing. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

People are sometimes bad and mean. They are sometimes hurtful and violent. However, I believe in the goodness of people. I believe that if you give someone a chance to prove themselves as a good and honest person, that they will.

Some people see this point of view as naive or foolish. Trust me, I know how it sounds. Rest assured that I will always have the little planner in  my head preparing me for the worst case scenario. However, most of me will trust people until they prove that they aren't trustworthy. Even then, I will give people second, third, even fourth chances.

I don't know exactly how I learned this, but I think I get it from my dad. He is one of the most forgiving and friendly people I know. I have seen people do some pretty messed up things to my dad, and he just lets it roll off his shoulders. I think I also get some of it from my mom...who invariably puts up with us (her family) even though sometimes we say or do things that are really hurtful towards her.

If you have read past posts I have written about my family, you will know that I consider myself the "black sheep" of the family. I have always gone my own way. I make my friends my family... especially when I am away from my actual family (like I am now). My brothers seem content to have their wives and kids, and that's it. I'm not sure if I would be that way.

However, I think that fact is the reason I am so forgiving of my friends. When they hurt me, when they betray me, etc. I forgive them...because that is what you do when it's your family.

I may not have the most perfect home life, and I never claimed I was anywhere near perfect. However, I DO think I have this right.

Forgiveness (is more than saying sorry! ;) What movie???) is something I am good at. Not only forgiving, but forgetting as well. I think there is a reason I have a leaky sieve for a brain. I can't remember stuff to save my life. (As is surely frustrating for everyone around me. Sorry. I can't help it.) I do remember love though. I love my family. I love my friends. I even love perfect strangers.

I know that there are bad people out there. I consider myself a pretty good judge of character, so don't worry. I won't be playing the martyr and getting myself into trouble with people that are sketchy.

I do know one thing though. People deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Challenge this week--trust someone. It might turn sour, I know... but maybe, just maybe you'll be surprised at the awesomeness that ensues.

The Case of the Missing Blogger

Wow. It's been what? Months?

You may be wondering where I've been, or what I've been doing.

Truthfully, I don't have anything super entertaining to tell you. I started my Bachelor's program and I honestly think that if I write another paper, I'll explode.

Wait for it...

Here it comes......

Huh. Nothing. I guess I can go on.

I have to write so much for school that it makes writing for fun much less appealing. However, because I love you all and because I am procrastinating some homework tonight, I am going to write a blog post. :)

I can see the excitement in your eyes. lol. Hopefully I will be able to live up to all of your blogging expectations!

A lot has happened in the past three months...and yet it has gone by so quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was starting my first class, and now it's been 16 weeks and I'm in my fourth class.

I don't know how to describe to you the feeling of accomplishing something that I never thought was possible. I never thought that I would ever get my degree, and here I am--about 16 months away from achieving that goal. It's pretty cool.

Of course it isn't all fun and games. I'm tired. Like all the time. I think I have carpal tunnel from typing at a desk all day, and I'm pretty sure my eyes are starting to go.

It's all for the cause I guess. :S When I'm blind and unable to move my hands, my degree will keep me warm at night. :)

Work hasn't been too shabby either. Truth be told, I think I'm more frustrated with things now than I have EVER been, but it's manageable, and my boss is cool about confrontation, so I get to put in my 2 cents.

Have I ever told you that I love confrontation??? That and awkward moments. :) Give me an awkward moment, and I'll give you a big high five!!!

Oh, and musically, I have been exploring. It's been pretty awesome. Lately I have been listening to a lot of house, funk, electronic, and reggae. Oh, and oldies. So many oldies. I love oldies. Anything from the 90s and older... preferably from the 70s.

I really do love the 70s. Such great music, fashion, design...everything about the 70s is inspiring to me.

Anyway.

I think this is where I'll stop for tonight. I really need to do homework, and then it's off to bed for me.  Tomorrow morning is do or die time. I find out tomorrow morning if the new battery I bought fixed my car or not.

Here's hoping!

---

Feels Like Home
by: Randy Newman

There's something in your eyes,
Makes me want to lose myself,
Makes me want to lose myself, in your arms.
There's something in your voice,
Makes my heart beat fast.
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life.

If you knew how lonely my life has been,
And how long I've been so alone.
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come a - long,
And change my life the way you've done.

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from.
It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.

A window breaks down a long dark street,
And a siren wails, in the night.
But I'm all right, 'cause I have you here with me.
And I can almost see through the dark there's light.

If you knew how much this moment means to me,
And how long I've waited for your touch.
And if you knew how happy you are ma - king me,
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much.

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from.
It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.

How today has been...

Have you ever felt like someone must be playing a prank on you??? I wouldn't be surprised if Ashton Kutcher came out and punk'd me right now. lol.

---

Without You
by: Pure Heart

Been a little restless since you left me.
Been thinking about all the things you've said.
And even though they say that lovin don't come easy--
Still I thought it would be different for me.

Oh you know mama, she said don't do it on your own.
But even mama needed help now and then

And I don't know if I can go any further
Without you in my life
And I don't know why the hell I even bother
Without you by my side.
Without you by my side.

Said everyone needs a hand to guide them,
but oh sometime pride gets in the way.
And my god it seems at times I'm going crazy...
still I gotta just take it day by day.

Oh you know Moses, he didn't do it on his own.
And even Daniel needed help out the den.

And I don't know if I can go any further
Without you in my life
And i don't know why the hell I even bother
Without you by my side.
Without you by my side.

Said everyone needs a hand to guide them,
but oh sometime pride gets in the way.
And my god it seems at times I'm going crazy...
still I gotta just take it day by day.

Oh you know Moses, he didn't do it on his own.
And even Daniel needed help out the den.

And I don't know if I can go any further
Without you in my life
And i don't know why the hell I even bother
Without you by my side.
Without you by my side.

Long time coming.

Wow.

I know. It's been FOREVER. Truthfully...I haven't really had a lot to say. I mean, how many times should I go over how tough school is, or how frustrating work can be? I've been trying to be more positive, so I haven't wanted to blog about that stuff.

However, I also haven't really had a lot of good going on either. Until this last week.

So it started out like any other week. I went to work...and was working on school.

On Tuesday, I made the decision t start Weight Watchers. I have been looking for a way to discipline myself, and it has been good so far. :)

On Wednesday...well. It was an interesting day. I went into work and started on some projects. Sporadically throughout my day I'll take mini breaks to refresh my perspective. These breaks can include Facebook, surfing design sites, downloading fonts... you know. Whatever I feel like doing.

Anyway. I was on Facebook, and I get a friend request from a guy from my hometown. He was good friends with my older bro, so I was like--awesome. So, I added him. In 5 mins he was messaging me, and asked me if I was married or dating someone. Within 30 mins, he had told me he had a crush on me in high school, and had given me his number and asked me to call him.
 I'm not going to lie. It sort of freaked me out.

Don't get me wrong. He was nice when we were younger, and I'm sure he's still a nice guy. I guess I'm just not used to guys being so direct with me. I don't know if I'll ever call him... mostly because I have a lot of stuff to sort out in my life before I get into any relationship. ALso--I don't really know him that well, so it would be hard for me to even consider dating. AND--my brothers told me some stuff about guys that has stuck with me through the years. Anyway.

I was flattered, but it also got me thinking. Where am I at in the "relationship" arena? Am I ready to get in the game, or am I still nursing that "old injury" and benching myself? Have I outgrown the game? Have I let myself go?

I guess that is really what I have been thinking about lately. When am I going to take control of my life again? When will simply "getting by" not be enough? I think that I'm starting to take a positive move forward.

I'm just taking life one step at a time.

---

This song has been stuck in my head. Not applicable to anything really...just a nice song. :)

How Do I Live
by: LeAnn Rimes


How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?

Tumblr and Life.

So, I am a recent user of Tumblr.

By recent I mean for a couple weeks.

And by user I mean I randomly post things on it.

It is so much more simple to post on Tumblr than it is to post a blog. It takes little to no brain power at all...whereas it takes me at least a couple of days to build up the motivation to blog. Oh well. Here I am. :)

Moving along...

I logged into school to see what my overall grade for the Math class I took was. This is what I found:

I'll admit--it wasn't my finest hour. In fact--if you can find someone who can teach themselves math, getting it 100% right the first time, I would like to meet them. BUT it is a passing grade, and I'll take what I can get when it comes to the bane of my existence math. This was the last class for me to get my Associates and move forward into my Bachelors program, so I'm glad that I passed and that I did pretty well on my final. :) Gotta love school, right???

On another note--

I've been saving up and I'm in the market for a computer. I'm looking to convert to Mac...aka Apple, because it's supposedly better for people who design. Having never used a Mac before, I don't know what the big deal is...but every single person I have talked to has recommended a Mac to me. I may be a little behind on the times, but I think I'll take the leap into the 21st century. :) Here is the one I want:

Isn't it pretty???

I haven't really decided on where I want to get it...but I like it a lot. I have been getting "hook-ups" with programs and stuff, so I think I'm headed down the right path...since everything is working out so well. :)

Anyways. I don't really have anything else to say...I made a garland for our house. It's way cute. :) lol. Okay. here are your lyrics. :) I LOVE Keri Hilson. :) She has a fab voice, and she's way pretty. :) I like this video. Look it up. :)

Enjoy your weekend!!!

Pretty Girl Rock
by: Keri Hilson

Uh uh uh ah uh uh
I can do the pretty girl rock, rock
Rock to the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Now what's your name

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my, it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's with you
I don't gotta talk about it baby you can see it
But if you want I'll be happy to repeat it

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my, it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's with you
I can talk about it 'cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault, so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Aye, now do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock

(Now where you at)
If your looking for me you can catch me (that's why)
Cameras flashing, daddy turned his head just as soon as I passed him
Girls think I'm conceited 'cause I know I'm attractive
Don't worry about what I think, why don't you ask him? (owoaah!)

Get yourself together, don't hate (never do it)
Jealousy is the ugliest trait (don't, never do it)
I can talk about it 'cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Doing the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock

All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Get along with your pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Still show me your pretty girl rock, rock, rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock

Sing it with me now
All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Owoahaha!

The past week!

Hello, hello!

Life has a funny way of cramming all the things that need to be done all into one clump of time. That is how this last week has been for me. I hate to keep giving you excuses as to why I'm not really writing a lot, but it really is because I have been inordinately busy lately! :S

Anyway. I happen to have a spare moment now before I start working on my homework for the day. :)

SO this last week was my birthday. :) It was pretty awesome. I ended up having a birthday dinner with a bunch of friends at one of my favorite restaurants--Benja's Thai Garden. :) The party was planned by my awesome friends Susi and Amy. :)It was cool to just hang out and talk with a bunch of my friends.

Also on my birthday I got to go to the funeral of one of the Hawaiian "aunties" here in town--Aunty Dustie. I never really got to talk very much to her, but she always had a smile for me. :)

Anyway--the funeral was really nice. I think I've become a little "desensitized" to funerals. There was a point in time where I was going to funerals around once every other week--resulting in me not really getting emotional or weepy at a funeral.

I guess that's beside the point, but I was glad I went. I know the family pretty well. They are always sort of stoic and polite, but at the funeral they were so emotional. I couldn't help but to feel the loss they had just experienced. It was such a beautiful service.

Life is so fragile. I have a lot of friends that come to me for advice--and I find myself telling them to LIVE their lives and find what makes them happiest. Our lives are here for us to experience them. We should go and do those things that make us happy. We should spend our time with the people we love and care about.

I am so glad I got that reminder. :)

Moving right along--here is the challenge for the day:

Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.

My favorite place to eat is a subject of dispute. Some people would say that my favorite food is sushi, some people think it's Thai food...and some people think my favorite food is hamburgers. I happen to LOVE food in general...but my favorite place to eat is a little hole in the wall called Hayashi's You Make the Roll in Kona, HI. :) 

DELISH!!! :)


Anyway--This weekend I got to go see my grandma. :) She is so awesome! :) I totally needed a break and it was awesome to be able to get out of town and chill with my fam. :)

Anywho--here is the song for the day. I hope that you all have a great week. :) Hopefully I will be blogging more than once a week, but no promises. :) Have a good one!


Stay With Me
by: Faces

In the mornin' don't say you love me,
'Cause I'll only kick you out of the door
I know your name is Rita 'cause your perfume's smellin' sweeter
Since when I saw you down on the floor.

Won't need to much pursuadin'
I don't mean to sound degradin',
But with a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about.
Red lips, hair and fingernails,
I hear you're a mean old Jezebel
Lets go up stairs and read my Tarot cards

Stay with me, stay with me
For tonight you'd better stay with me
Stay with me, stay with me
For tonight you'd better stay with me

So, in the mornin', please don't say you love me
'Cause you know I'll only kick you out the door
Yeah, I'll pay your cab fare home, you can even use my best cologne,
Just don't be here in the mornin' when I wake up

Stay with me, stay with me
For tonight you'd gonna stay with me
Sit down, get up, get out.