Hey.
There's something that you all should know about me.
I need to have people around me.
I usually try to be as independent as possible, but being physically or emotionally alone is THE WORST ever. Seriously. I'm like one of those dogs that you can't leave alone because they go crazy. This is usually okay because I have a stockpile of people that I can call up to fill the emptiness.
BUT...
As I've been going to school, I have been slowly cutting ties with my acquaintances because they don't understand that I can't go do things sometimes. I hate having to explain over and over that I have to sequester myself in my house in order to focus on school. Therein lies the catch 22. People don't ask me to do stuff because I usually can't go do anything. However, when I actually have time or the energy to do something...well, you get the idea.
I don't want sympathy or anything. Really. I just feel like I need to write about it. I think that's why (Leo, don't feel too pressured or anything...) I'm way excited for my cousin to come live here. It's like I finally have someone that can't not be my friend. lol. Does that sound retarded? I don't really have the words for it, but yeah. It goes deeper than that...I miss having family nearby, and Leo is the closest thing I have to a sister. I just... idk. I'm just having a crummy day I guess.
What do you do when your life isn't turning out the way you've wanted it to??? Like in a bad way?
I feel like I'm self-destructing, and I don't really know what to do about it. Nothing really as dramatic as that sounds. It's mostly an emotional thing. I'm WAY too positive to do really do anything negative to myself. But I feel like things are crumbling around me...and there are a lot of changes happening and I feel sort of overwhelmed...and I feel like I can't really talk about it because then I'll ruin everything and I'll REALLY be depressed.
That's why I've been sort of down in the dumps. I AM a positive person most of the time, but lately I haven't been able to pick myself up and just be happy. I think this version of me makes it so that people don't want to be around me...which is a contributor to the original problem. Man. What is wrong with me?!
Do you believe that you need to feel your way through your emotions in order to get over them??? Should I just go through this and see where I end up? OR should I just continue to push it away and just ignore how I feel?
IDK what to do. I don't want to feel bad, but I think it's important to go through this.
Anyway. Like I said. I don't want any sympathy... I just want the people I care about to know what I've been going through. lol. It's sort of ridiculous to do it this way, but it's easier for me to express myself this way.
Thanks. Seriously. Thank you. :)
There's something that you all should know about me.
I need to have people around me.
I usually try to be as independent as possible, but being physically or emotionally alone is THE WORST ever. Seriously. I'm like one of those dogs that you can't leave alone because they go crazy. This is usually okay because I have a stockpile of people that I can call up to fill the emptiness.
BUT...
As I've been going to school, I have been slowly cutting ties with my acquaintances because they don't understand that I can't go do things sometimes. I hate having to explain over and over that I have to sequester myself in my house in order to focus on school. Therein lies the catch 22. People don't ask me to do stuff because I usually can't go do anything. However, when I actually have time or the energy to do something...well, you get the idea.
I don't want sympathy or anything. Really. I just feel like I need to write about it. I think that's why (Leo, don't feel too pressured or anything...) I'm way excited for my cousin to come live here. It's like I finally have someone that can't not be my friend. lol. Does that sound retarded? I don't really have the words for it, but yeah. It goes deeper than that...I miss having family nearby, and Leo is the closest thing I have to a sister. I just... idk. I'm just having a crummy day I guess.
What do you do when your life isn't turning out the way you've wanted it to??? Like in a bad way?
I feel like I'm self-destructing, and I don't really know what to do about it. Nothing really as dramatic as that sounds. It's mostly an emotional thing. I'm WAY too positive to do really do anything negative to myself. But I feel like things are crumbling around me...and there are a lot of changes happening and I feel sort of overwhelmed...and I feel like I can't really talk about it because then I'll ruin everything and I'll REALLY be depressed.
That's why I've been sort of down in the dumps. I AM a positive person most of the time, but lately I haven't been able to pick myself up and just be happy. I think this version of me makes it so that people don't want to be around me...which is a contributor to the original problem. Man. What is wrong with me?!
Do you believe that you need to feel your way through your emotions in order to get over them??? Should I just go through this and see where I end up? OR should I just continue to push it away and just ignore how I feel?
IDK what to do. I don't want to feel bad, but I think it's important to go through this.
Anyway. Like I said. I don't want any sympathy... I just want the people I care about to know what I've been going through. lol. It's sort of ridiculous to do it this way, but it's easier for me to express myself this way.
Thanks. Seriously. Thank you. :)
5 comments:
Thanks for the disclaimer. ;) You know me too well. I agree that you need to actually feel the emotions you are going through. If you keep putting them off, they'll keep coming back and when you finally go through them, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Plus it helps you to move on constructively. Trust me. I am the Queen of Emotions. ;) As far as cutting ties w/ people. Don't feel bad. If you can't go, then you have legit reasons. Plus, it's the true friends that don't pressure you and are still there even after it seems like you've abandoned them. Don't sweat the small stuff. You got this! :D
Gonfonit, Leo! :) You got me crying again. Thanks through. You always know what to say. :D
Agree with Leo, 110%!!
I find it easier to deal with the emotional things as they are happening rather than putting them to the side.
i loved this post because you've said what i've been wanting to say for a long time-at least close to what i want to say. i understand. and i mean that. i feel like since being married, a lot of both me and john's friends have deserted us or somehow disappeared. and at times i feel alone, especially on this island because at home on the bi-that's a diff story bcuz bi is AWESOME. anywhos, sorting through your emotions is exactly what we each need to do. and what i've come to realize is that i'd rather be with my best friend (the hubs) than with 100 friends. it truly is a blessing and sometimes, being alone is a good thing. in time, it makes sense.
Thanks Kaili!!! I'm slowly wading through everything. It does take time...and since I happen to be impatient, I tend to rush myself and get overly emotional when it takes me longer to reach my goals. :) BI for life!!! ;)
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