One more

One more post until October--when I start the 30 Days of Truth.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty stoked about it! :) It'll be EPIC! lol

So, something just happened to me, and even though I am supposed to be heading home to go to sleep at a decent hour, I decided that I wanted to blog first.

I recently transferred my iTunes to an external hard drive. The move was necessary to stop my comp from freezing up every 5 mins, but I lost my playlists and purchased list. :( It wouldn't be so bad, but I have a very specific group of songs that I listen to when I work or do homework. Oh well. That's just a part of life I guess. :)

Anywho. The thing that prompted this blog. About 2 years ago, I recorded a CD. It was done in my friend Susi's friend's house, and I was sick. Anyway. Needless to say it wan't the best thing that I had ever done, but I loved it, and the plan was to burn copies of the CD and send it to people for Christmas. I was super excited about it, but apparently it was crap because most of the people i sent it to didn't like it. Not only did they not like it, but they told me how bad it was.

I know that it wasn't the best thing in the world, but it was a gesture of love. I just wish that it was received as such. Anyway. Fast forward to today. Well, tonight.

One of my songs came up on my shuffle. I haven't listened to my own CD in almost 2 years. It made me cry. I don't know exactly why... well, I sort of do, but I don't want to admit it yet. Anyway, I just thought it was sad that I can't listen to myself sing on my own CD.

It frustrates people sometimes that I won't listen to my own CD or that I don't like to sing for people. I think it's because I feel like I'm not good enough. I don't want people to get tired of me. I think that is a requirement of my future husband. I want him to love my voice. Well, love me and like my voice...A LOT. :)

That is all.

A long day

Hey everyone.

I wish that I was feeling better about things so I could entertain you with my bloggy wittiness. Alas, today has been a long day and it is only 10:50 in the morning. :S It only looks to be getting worse, so I wanted to blog now instead of later.

Some of you may have been hearing about the "30 Days of Truths Challenge" that people have been doing on their blogs. I looked at it, and I have decided that not only will this be a good thing for me (and you--for reading), but that it will help me to get out of the FUNK I fell into a week ago. Since it's almost the end of the month, I'm going to start up the first of October. I already know that I don't want to answer many of these questions, but I think it will be good.

I want to also apologize beforehand if I offend anyone. This is a challenge of truth. I feel the way I do about certain things and people for a good reason. I have never taken a stance on something that I haven't had experience with or have educated myself about. So, please take what you read as an opinion and not an insult. Things would be much easier if you did.

If you are still interested in what's to be said about Karyn :), here is the challenge:

30 Days of Truths Challenge

Day 01:  Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02:  Something you love about yourself.
Day 03:  Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04:  Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05:  Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06:  Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07:  Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.
Day 09:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10:  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11:  Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12:  Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13:  A band or artist that has gotten you through some really tough days.
Day 14:  A hero that has let you down.
Day 15:  Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16:  Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17:  A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18:  Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19:  What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20:  Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21:  Scenario: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22:  Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23:  Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24:  Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)
Day 25:  The reason you believe you’re alive today.
Day 26:  Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27:  What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28:  What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29:  Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30:  A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I will also be adding to the challenge by giving you AMAZING musical lyrics after each post. :) hope you are all ready to take the journey with me! :) It'll be AWESOME!

The song for today is appropriate with the optimism that I want to feel. :) I LOVE this song... even though some people think it's hokey...and  I LOVE LOVE Barry Manilow, so here it is!!!

I Made It Through The Rain
by: Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

Burning day

Hello all.

So, I had my fun posts this week. This is a little more serious in nature. You know the drill. ;)

Today was a burning day for me. I feel... liberated and relieved. I have waited a long time for today. I knew that I would feel lighter without the burden of the past looming over me. What I didn't expect to feel was emptiness. All those years that were...well, not wasted. What's the word??? IDK. I'm glad to be rid of everything but at the same time I'm sad that it had to come to this. I guess the phrase I'm looking for is full of regret. I regret what happened. I regret how it ended.

 ...

I wish I felt the way I thought I would feel right now. It would make dealing with everything a lot easier. :S

I'm going to sleep on it. Maybe to taste of regret will leave the moment so I can enjoy moving forward with my life. It reminds me of a poem by Shel Silverstein called, "Forgotten Language"

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

I used to be good at this part. :S Anywho...

Speaking about moving forward. It is time for some REAL change in my life. I'm pretty excited and nervous about it. I'm hoping that the changes that I'm making will be POSITIVE (although I can't see how they WOULDN'T be...) and permanent. I need to start worrying about me.

Well, have a great week. I hope you all are doing amazing.

"Open Door" Policy

My office has two doors. One that opens to the hallway and one that adjoins to the office next door. Here is the doorway to my office from the hallway...

I usually try to keep the adjoining door closed as much as possible. I don't like to listen to my co-worker talk about random stuff, type, or receive endless texts from her new husband and kids. However, she apparently LOVES to make me listen to her noises because I walk in everyday to see my door open.

So, like a NORMAL person, I go to close the door. However, we soon got into what I call "closing the door wars," where I  would close the door and my co-worker would open it and LEAVE IT OPEN after I expressly closed it. I mean... I know that I OOZE AMAZINGAWESOMEGOODNESS, but please. PLEASE leave the door closed when I close it.

I really did think that I took care of it. That is until TODAY, when I saw  that the door was open again. And there she was, chatting up her family and making NOISE! I have a hard time concentrating when what don't start out as, but end up as "annoying noises" happen. Like hearing other people type sporadically or when people's phones go off every 5 minutes. So, I've decided that a visual aid is all I can do.

That is all.

SICK

I am enormously sick.

Have you ever seen You Got Mail??? Remember the part where she is in the apartment and he visits her and gives her daisies? I feel like that... only sans Tom Hanks, daisies, and the overall good feeling of that scene.

Kill me now.