Old Scars

Hello everyone!

So, this is another "serious" blog. I apologize that there will be no quirkiness in this post... well, maybe there will be. But--yeah. The old rules still apply. If you don't want to read it, wait til next week, and something light and airy will be posted. :)

This week has been an interesting one for me. A TON of awesome things happened this week. I got to have another Medium-a-thon with my friend Andrew...and I was the winner of his beta fish naming contest. :)

 This is a victory montage I made for Andrew's fish, Motley Chromatic III. :)

 
I also went to a Cab Calloway Orchestra Concert this week, and it was AMAZING! I LOVE LOVE LOVE big band music. :) And they played Jazz, which was totally cool. :)

However, also this week, I realized something. I have yet to fully be "over" my last relationship.

I think I need to clarify.

I am over "him" 100%. So done. Praise the Lord it's over.

However, I still suffer from the after-effects of a bad relationship gone worse. I have the battle scars to prove it too. I guess I never really realized that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I already had the WORST self esteem of all time, so it wasn't really surprising to hear someone say what I was already thinking. I had already been engaged and broken the engagement off by the time "he" and I were together. I invested 3 years into that relationship... and 5 years later, I still hurt from the old wounds.

I feel broken still. After all this time. How could "he" have done that to me??? I guess I'll never know. What I do know, is that I am better for being AWAY from him and the drama. Our relationship was unhealthy. I was in love and he was...bored I guess. How anyone could be bored for 3 years and stick with someone is beyond me. I suppose I was convenient and comfortable. I was chatting with a cousin of mine tonight, and this quote came up between us:

"The bottom line is that you can never really get over someone that you were that involved with. It's like trying to cut your finger off. It doesn't just break off your hand. It's messy and gross, and you will always carry the scars. The best way to get over things is to adapt and grow from the experience. Some hurts are deeper than others, but if you realize that the finger is never going to grow back... you can start to move on."

Sort of a morbid analogy, I admit. However, it's true. Three years is a long time to invest in something. I blinded myself to "his" faults--aka insulting me endlessly, and cheating on me--because I didn't want to see that he was a jerk. I was comfortable too, and didn't want to cut the ties there. I'm glad that he cheated...otherwise I would still be miserable, and he would still be using me.

Relationships are scary to me right now. I want one, but I'm scared to get hurt and that I would hurt them. I am a mess when it comes to relationships, and I would hate to hurt someone that I cared about. Although I have rarely been the one that "hurt" any of my exes.

lol. I'm a silly girl--too many emotions and thoughts. I need to just be done. O.o

Maybe I just need to take the plunge and see where it takes me. Life is rarely predictable, and I am always looking for a guy that can surprise me. :) I guess I'll just have to wait and see what life brings.

Okay. Lyrics for today. This is an AMAZING song. I totally love it.


In The Morning
By: Junior Boys

Too young (x4)
Too young, Oh (x4)

Girl the night's not over (Oh, too young)
We're not getting older
They can chase forever
'Cause in the morning there's a million names to choose from
You don't care just take one
Leave a place to rest on
Because you're too young

Yeah you're too young
Oh you're too young
You're too young

Too young, Oh (x4)
Too young, Uh (x4)

There goes another million,
Just wrap it up we own it
This night's a skill we hone it
And in the morning would you tell me that it's over?
You think that you'd do better
To stick with someone older
Because we're too young

Oh, too young (x4)

Too young
Yeah, we're too young in the morning.
We're too young
We're too young in the morning.

(Repeat)