It's a Numbers Game

AAAALLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!

So just so you know, this is going to be a really long post. I have a lot on my mind and need to put it all down so I can process and absorb. Haha! :D

Me and my Gma! :D :D :D

Long time no talk! I do have an excuse (if you are at all interested). Mostly I haven't written a lot because of some personal family issues. Things have been STRAIGHT UP CRAZY around here. I won't get too much into it, but one of the reasons is--we are expecting my Grandma to be passing away before the end of the year. Because of this, we had an impromptu family reunion. Like a real one where my brothers from all around the world came and stayed at mi casa. It was crazy-town for about a month (a week each preparing for and then wrapping up after the visit which was 2 weeks long) but I freaking LOVE my family so much! I miss having them around.

A cool thing that happened (other than EVERYTHING) is that I had a REALLY good talk with one of my brothers about unconditional love and my issues with not feeling like I deserve that kind of love. I don't think I have ever experienced unconditional love outside of familial relationships (obviously if I had, I would know...right?). I was listening to him describe it and I was like...huh.

It was interesting to talk to him about it because it is something that is a foreign concept. Not that I have never felt it for someone. I think I have. However, no matter how much I love someone and pour all of my time, talents, resources, and feeling into the relationship, it is rarely reciprocated. I don't want to sound too conceited (haha. Blogs are basically engineered to be self-centered, so...), but I'm the freaking boss at loving people and trying to give them what they need to be happy.

The part I suck at is demanding love in return.

Some people have (and some still do) treat me like garbage, and I rarely call them out on it or demand to be treated with love/respect. I expect that the more I love the people around me the more they love me in return, but that isn't always the case in my life. My brother told me that people don't deserve my time if they can't at least hold up their end of the relationship--no matter who they are or what has happened to them in the past (we were basically talking about friendships at this point since I am still SINGLE as a dollar bill). He reminded me that I deserve someone that loves me in return, and that it is okay to be vulnerable and emotionally available to the people that actually love me now.

We had the coolest talk and he opened my eyes to some things that I should work on. It was super awesome.

Anyway--another thing I have been thinking about is passions and pursuing your dreams.

I came across an article. Here it is. It's not a very long read, so I'll wait while you go read it. :) Go ahead.

Interesting right? I like to think I am a passionate person. I am very lucky that my particular set of skills (movie reference!) and my passions happen to coincide. However, that doesn't mean that every day is a dream and that I find fulfillment and purpose in my current j-o-b. It would be a lie to say that I never feel that way, because if I am being truthful (which I will stop referencing now because even if I'm lying...no one would know/care. Hahahaha!) I love my job. I love what I do. It can be frustrating and stressful and pure chaos at times, but I like it.

However, what about my friends and family that don't know what they want to do to with their lives? I know this is not my end-all-be-all, but if I were to go out and say that I was going after my "dream job" what would that be? I have a lot of different talents and skills, but they don't necessarily intersect in ways that are conducive to traditional career paths. I think a lot of my friends are in the same boat.

Not everyone can fulfill their dreams. If you have a dream to be a singer, but are woefully tone-deaf...it will most likely not happen. I am a realist, and have shot myself down over multiple dreams that I would simply not be able to achieve. It might seem weird, but no one knows my limits more than I do...which is why I will never be a mathematician, computer programmer (I am great at writing code, I suck at reading it. hahaha!), nurse, or astronaut. But in this big wide world of things, those are only 4 of the gazillions of things that are out there.

Hey, look! Numbers!

I may not be great at numbers, but the likelihood of you being amazing at ANYTHING far outweighs you not being good at it. So, yes. It is a numbers game. The more things you try, and the more skills you try to learn, the more likely you are to find out what your dream can be.

I think that applies in so many aspects of my life, including relationships. I may have a group of people that treat me like crap, but the majority of the world doesn't. Most of them don't know who I am, but even in the scope of people that I do know...the majority of them have positive feelings about me.

I think a part of the secret of having a happy life is taking your passion with you and applying it to whatever you happen to be doing at the time. We only have one life to live. Why spend it hating everyday? Even if you don't like your current situation, approaching life with passion and positivity can make all the difference in the world.

If life really is a numbers game, I think we got this one in the bag. All we have to do is jump in and start trying things out.