One day at a time

I'm currently running on empty, but I feel good. I'm tired, but it was such a great weekend, that it was totally worth it.

I have recently had the privilege of "hanging out" with a bunch of new people. It has been exhilarating for me, because--as an extrovert to the core--I thrive on the energy I get from social interactions. (Oh, and it doesn't hurt that they are all really nice, genuinely awesome people!) As I sit here, mulling over the events of this weekend, it was EPIC.

A summary of my shenanigans:

AIR SUPPLY!!!!

Friday night we had a party for one of my best friends. We stayed up til the wee hours talking...which is one of my favorite things. The next morning, I had to wake up early to participate in a 5K and health fair for the Southern Utah Pacific Islander Coalition. It was my first 5K, and I really did love it. After that, we went to lunch with some friends and that evening we went and saw Air Supply at Tuacahn. The concert was AMAZING! I' m still on a little bit of a high from it. It was SO GREAT! We grabbed dinner afterwards and hung our til the wee hours (again). The next morning I got to sleep in a little, but had to get up and help (read: watch) my cousin make pie and then went to church...where we had a Thanksgiving dinner. After that, we tried to hang out with some new friends, but after that was a bust, my besties and I watched The Grinch, which I had never seen. Yes, it is true. I somehow avoided one of the best movies ever made (according to the shocked and slightly offended looks I kept getting from my friends.) It was a great movie, and even better company. :D

Anyway, overall it was a fantastic weekend, and I and looking forward to my pillow tonight. Haha!

I recently started reading the blog of one of my new friends. He is an amazing writer, and that is partially why I am writing today. It's such a great blog, and he is very eloquent with how he feels and what is on his mind. The coolest thing is that I found out that he is writing his blog for his kids. It's almost "How I Met Your Mother: Blog Remix" if you will. I would link it here, but I don't know how he would feel about it...since I am only a recent friend. I guess you'll just have to trust me when I say that it is great. :)

It made me think of what this blog is for. Is it just a place where I occasionally rant? Do I want to expand what this is and how I interact with my readers? I don't know. I wonder what people think when they stumble on this blog for the first time. What are their impressions of me? I would hope that I am entertaining and uplifting...with a unhealthy love for all things nerdy. If my future kids read this, would it help them know me better? Who knows.

I do know that when I write here, I feel better. Lighter. More focused on my ultimate goals for my life. So, my dear readers, rest easy that I will stick around...and hopefully post more often.

I started doing therapy. Mostly because I have yet to find someone that can shake me out of whatever emotional hamster wheel I happen to be running on and help me to move forward. I know that there are negative stigmas to going to therapy, but I am here to tell you IT WORKS. I don't think I am particularly emotionally unstable or a closeted psychopath. I just need someone to help me look at my issues and cope with my problems in a healthier, more positive way. I took a sip of the Kool-aid, and...it's SUPER awesome! ;)

I recently wrote in a journal entry that "No one treats me worse that I do." I am extremely hard on myself...to the point that in the past I have allowed people to treat me badly because it was nicer than how I treated myself. In therapy I have learned that I deserve better. I deserve to be happy. It's funny how a person can go their whole life being told something, but it takes one particular instance...one particular person to help it all fall into place. An emotional slap to the face, you could say. My therapist does that for me...in a good way. Haha!

I think a big part of going to therapy is that I want to be in a healthier state of mind not only for my future self and relationships, but for my kids too. I don't want to pass on any of my baggage to them just because of my pride or the fear of what people think of me.

Something my therapist told me has really been standing out to me in the past few days. She said that I need to stop focusing on the past and the future and live in the NOW. Crap happens to us. Terrible people pass through our lives. It makes me really anxious sometimes to think about what the future holds for me and how what has happened to me in the past will affect me in the future. Yeah, it sucks having a mind that NEVER shuts off sometimes, BUT all we can do is work to make TODAY the best day. Work on moving forward everyday to the goals that we have set for our life.

So that's where I'm at right now. As I look forward, I can see my life slowly coalescing into something that I can be happy with. I still struggle with things...I still fall down...I still feel the void that is loneliness in my life.  In AA they say that you need to take things "one day at a time," and it is completely true. I work at being better than I am one day at a time.

Something for the road...