I don't know a lot about everything, but I do know a lot about the part of everything that I know, which is people.So I have this thing... some may call it intuition, or say I'm an empath... some may even say that it's just an ability to read minute physiological reactions--that it's an adaptive evolution of senses. To be honest, I don't really think a lot about it because it's like an innate talent. I have the ability to look into someone and see and discover not only what their motivations are, but to also really see into a person. To know what makes them tick, to see potential... to see if they are worth my time... or if they are dangerous.
I just know... when someone is sad. When they are angry. When they need help. When I need to step away... when I need to run. I know when someone needs to talk. I can see when someone is ready to snap. And I also have the skill to unwind their tension. Make them feel at ease. To feed whatever needs nourishment in their soul, and help them to take a step forward.
And lucky for the people I love and/or keep close... it only gets better the more I know you. Actually, I guess that's subjective because it can be kind of hard to hide things from me. I can tell... even if my friends or family don't say anything, I know when something isn't right. And being who I am I dig into things until I get to the heart of it... for better or worse.
I feel very fortunate to have this talent. Unfortunately in the past, I used it for manipulation and deceit. I hurt a lot of people... and did things I'm not proud of. That is one negative side effect... I know exactly how to lie to everyone around me. For a long time, my entire world was fabricated of lie after lie... until I didn't know what was real anymore. I never let anyone close because I feared they would see me for who I really was, and hate me... or worse, expose me.
Luckily I got the help I needed and use my superpowers for (mostly) good now days. After living in the shadows of chicanery, I demand honesty not only from myself, but the people around me. It can be hard for people to do. I get a lot of half truths... or blatant lies. I understand people can have a hard time living in a world of blunt, unfiltered truth. There is a saying about the truth of things being hard to take. I can say from experience that a web of lies is worse than any hard truth. The truth may cut to your core, but you can heal and move on from it. Lies will slowly surround you and suffocate you to death.
Despite that burning need for truth, I do try to keep my talents in check... to respect people and their space. I understand people need to have secrets. Without sounding more conceited than I probably already do, I am probably the least judgmental person you'll meet. I try to accept people exactly as they are. But the secrets people keep--especially people I care about--still hurt. Not so much the need to have them, but I think it's mostly knowing that they feel they have to keep something from me. It feels like I'm not good enough... like I'm failing at being a friend or sister or daughter, etc.
So who the hell cares? Haha. I guess it doesn't matter. I just have been thinking a lot lately about my life, where it's headed, and where I want to be. I used to be so afraid of people knowing the real me. Of seeing who I am. I needed lies to control my narrative. There is a true freedom of erasing that fear and stepping into the light where you can be yourself unapologetically. Is it still scary? Totally, but it isn't lasting. In fact, the more vulnerable you are with the people around you, the more they will open up and embrace you... no matter how broken or different you feel.
What does it all mean? What's the point? Sounds like that's for you to figure out. Until then, if you need someone to lend an ear, I'm here...
