False alarm

I think I have mentioned on here that it takes me a while to process and sort through my emotions. With that said, let me tell you a story.

So, for the last 6 months or so We have been expecting my grandma to die. I know. It sounds weird to say that. To sum up--her pacemaker battery was dying and she opted to not replace it. I understand where she's coming from. Her husband is dead and being on the caregiver side of things, she didn't want to suffer unnecessarily. Totally legit, right?

Well, after a SUPER crazy weekend, she ended up getting a new battery in her pacemaker and will be alive for another 10-15 years. :)

Pretty great, right??? I'm so happy she is okay now and is going to be around for a long time. She is really one of my best friends, and I'm glad that she's sticking around.

I am happy about life, but I am in a super weird funk right now. I think a part of it is my pent up sadness that is now no longer going to be expressed. I think a part of it is some personal crap that I am just needing to deal with and be done with, and I think a part of it is my birthday coming up.

Maybe I just need a good cry? Maybe I need to punch someone in the face? Maybe I need a RNCMO? Who knows. Haha!

Anywho--I am SUPER hungry right now. I need like a burrito or a giant ceasar salad. (Is that how you spell it???)

Adios!

What's next

There is a lot going on with me. I feel like I've been busier in the past month that I was in my 20s! Hahaha!

This is my birth month. I'm officially over the hill on the 29th. Pretty crazy, huh? Hahaha! I guess it's all downhill from here??? Maybe? I don't know honestly. I still feel REALLY young. I'm not sure if that ever goes away...but I hope it doesn't.

When I was 15--there were a lot of things that I thought I would be doing right now. Oh, small, innocent version of me. When I was 15 I thought I would be an EXTREMELY well-to-do veterinarian with my own practice and a giant ranch filled with animals. I thought I would be married and deliriously happy and in love with my husband. I was never sure about having kids, but we would have them eventually. I also first conceptualized the "808 Skate" around that age.

There are so many things I thought I would be...and honestly, I'm not sure where I'm at right now with my life dreams. Is this version of my existence what I want? I know there is more....more for me to discover and experience. I have let fear rule my life for a long time.

Fear of my own potential mostly. I might sound arrogant or cocky to some people reading this post, but I know what I am phenomenal at. I also know what I need to work on. I am amazing. I know I am amazing, but I need to figure out how to harness that and mold it into something that makes me happy and feel fulfilled.

I know what I don't want out of life. I know that I don't want to look back and feel regret or disappointment. I read an article a while ago about the top 25 regrets people have. Here it is for those who are interested. I don't regret a lot in this life, but most of my regrets have to do with love. I was watching this today, and it pretty much sums up what I am feeling right now when it comes to love:

I have a pretty amazing life...and I am so grateful for that every single day. The real question is, as Prince Derek says (admittedly a regret I am sure he carries with him) in Swan Princess, "What else is there?"

Well, that is the real question isn't it. What's next? I have no idea... but I do know that I'm done having regrets. It only took me 30 years to figure that one out. Haha.

The best

You know what's the best?

The freaking 90s were the best. Are the best. I look back and think...man the 90s were awesome. The music was great, the economy was awesome, the president was a cool guy that cheated on his wife and played the saxophone...it was good times man.

I had a great time in the 90s. I was in elementary school and middle school in the 90s. I have a lot of fond memories of that time. The toys, the TV shoes, the music. Man...The 90s were a special time.

I have nothing else to say.