I think its about time to write a blog about my family.
My family is EXTREMELY awesome. Some would say borderline amazing... but awesome is a better word for us. We were raised by both parents, and they are still going strong after... wow. 30 years this March.
Growing up was an adventure for me, because I had two older brothers, and a younger brother. I was a VERY obstinate child. Everything had to be done MY way, or I wasn't going to be involved. Funny enough it it still sort of that way, but people do it my way now, because I usually do it the easiest and most fun way possible. lol.
Anyway, back to history, my oldest brother was always trying to get me to do things his way, which needless to say, made for a lot of fighting, and we do FIGHT a lot. Well, I guess I should rephrase that. We USED to fight a lot. Now that we're older its more like bickering. lol. But we are a loud, fighting, bickering family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I really believe in the old adage that 'You don't truly know someone until you fight them.' Truer words have never been spoken. On to the family.
My dad is a hard working upstanding guy. He has been an electrician most of his life, and has done very well for himself in the way of his career. He is caring and funny, and works hard for his family. When I think of my dad I think of a big bear. He can be grouchy at times, but underneath it all he is a soft and cuddly guy. :) He doesn't sugarcoat things, which I'm grateful for, because I can always depend on him to tell me the truth. Sometimes, its a harder truth than I'm willing to take, but I love him anyway. :) He taught me to sing, to perform, to strive to be the best, and to forgive. I am nothing without my dad, and I am a daddy's girl to the core.
My mom is one of the smartest people I know. Especially when it comes to church related stuff. If I ever have a question about anything, I go to her because she is so amazingly smart. I think of she went on Jeopardy, she would win BIG MONEY. Seriously. :) She is the center of the family, and keeps us on speaking terms. ;) She is a great cook, baker, money management person, etc. What can I say about my mom other than she is the woman I aspire to be??? I can't imagine anyone that could be a better mother and friend to me. She knows me inside and out. And even though we don't get along sometimes (have you ever heard of too many hens in the hen house? lol) I know that she is always there for me. When I think of my mom, I think of an owl, because she is wise. :)
My oldEST brother, Adam. Adam is almost just like my dad. he's easy going and smart. He has made a lot of sacrifices for me and my brothers, and I'm eternally grateful to him. If I had to describe him as an animal, he would be a panda. Super chill, and just a great guy to hang out with. He has a great personality. :) I know he and I have taken our lumps, but I think we are the most alike. He always supports me and pushes me to be better than I am. BUT he understands when I take a fall, and helps to lift me up.
My oldER brother Josh is the most different personality wise from all of us. I say that because he has always gone his own way. He forged his way through life, and, I think, has come out on top. Josh is a really sensitive guy. That sensitivity, however, makes him really adept at music. I think music is the best way to relate to him, because he is the perfomer of the family. Everything he does, he excels at. AND if he doesn't get it, he works at it until he does. He is the epitome of the phrase 'practice makes perfect.' He is a perfectionist. When I think of Josh, I think of an elephant. He not only is strong and smart, but he does his own thing, and doesn't let anything get in his way.
ME. Wow, Karyn... you're putting yourself in??? lol. Yes. Only because I want you to see how I fit in. I call myself the black sheep of the family. I'm the only girl, and I am often the most rebellious. I think if my parents knew more about my life when I was younger, they would have put some restraints on me instead of focusing on the boys, but they didn't. I'm the instigator of the family. I am also the one that likes to call the shots. :) My dad told me once that I'm the artist of the family, and I think he's right. I am a VERY free spirit. I don't know what animal I would be. Maybe a black sheep? lol. Just kidding. Maybe a cat. I do my own thing and don't obey well. he he... IDK, ask my family. I'm sure they can tell you.
And last but not least, Sean. The baby. :) I think I'm the closest to Sean in the way that I helped raise him. Sean is the peacemaker of the family, and as he's grown up has become the coolest person ever. :) He's really chill and likes to kick back. He is also a dedicated and hardworking guy. (lol. all my brothers are) When I think of Sean, I think of a dog. He's loyal, kind, obedient, friendly, cheerful, smart, and everyone loves him. He is really paitent and always know what to say to make me laugh. He's one of my heores and I look up to him. (not only because he's taller than me, but because he's AWESOME!)
I love my family. We can all sing (thanks to my dad) and when we get together, we sing. I think that's what I miss the most. Just sitting with them and singing. Even though I'm here in Utah by myself, I know that I can go back to Hawaii anytime and they'll be there for me.
One of my favorite memories of my family was the last Christmas we spent together. My mom worked so hard to make everyone happy, and we just cruised together and had fun together. Gosh. I miss my family!!!
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Tired? What?!
Hello all.
Another year has arrived and I find myself wandering aimlessly in the morass that is my life. Some of you may say, what? Why? I thought you had everything worked out... Well, I did. (at one point) However, things have not gone the way that I tried to plan it to. I'm not upset about it, but I get 'cabin fever' easily. I have a hard time committing to... anything, and I get really antsy if I'm in a situation for longer than 2 years. I can hear the puzzled reponse of why formulating in your mind. The simple answer is: I don't know.
I have always been afraid to commit to things. Anything. A lease, a boyfriend, a roommate, school, jobs, marriage, you name it, I can't commit to it. I even make it a point to not commit to things that I'm involved with unless its COMPLETELY planned out to the minute, and I know exactly what my part is, and when I have to play it. Don't believe me? Ask Susi. She can tell you. I probably drive her up the wall with all the planning I make her do. However, my obsessive compulsive behaviors literally guide me to NOT commit to something unless I can gain control over it with order. Everything needs order. I know I sound crazy right now, but I solidly believe that unless order is achieved, the product of whatever you are organizing will not be successfully received. Confused yet??? Let me try to clear it up for you. I got roped into doing a lu'au/ho'olaule'a here in St. George. (a ho'olaule'a is a block party type event). It's organized under the name, Makahiki in St. George. Check it out. Anyway, so we were having to do this, right? However, because I work at the St. George Chamber, getting sponsors, or basically selling anything through the makahiki would be a conflict of interest. So, I have basically done nothing with it. There is so much to plan, and I feel like nothing has been organized at all. Because I can't see past the unorganized parts of the event, I won't go forward with planning until they get worked out. That is the CRAZY way my brain works.
I think that's the up and down with this job right now. I have a structured regimented schedule, and I try to keep to it as much as possible. However, I am also an artist at heart, so I like to have my freedom to do what I will with my designing and everything else I do. So, whenever I get tired of my regime, I can go to the artisic stuff, and when I hit a mental block with the artistic stuff, I can go to the scheduled parts until something hits me. The only thing that sucks is when I feel totally drained but I HAVE to make something up. eh. I'm done with this.
I've been really irrate lately. I think its because I'm stressed out about this event coming up. I feel like everyone expects me to bend my publication deadlines because they can't stay on top of things, but I've decided that I don't care whether or not things are accurate anymore because I can't wait any longer. WHICH stresses me out because it wont be PERFECT. ugh.
I'm tired. Oh. which reminds me. Susi and I are starting a hula class. We'll see how it goes.
Another year has arrived and I find myself wandering aimlessly in the morass that is my life. Some of you may say, what? Why? I thought you had everything worked out... Well, I did. (at one point) However, things have not gone the way that I tried to plan it to. I'm not upset about it, but I get 'cabin fever' easily. I have a hard time committing to... anything, and I get really antsy if I'm in a situation for longer than 2 years. I can hear the puzzled reponse of why formulating in your mind. The simple answer is: I don't know.
I have always been afraid to commit to things. Anything. A lease, a boyfriend, a roommate, school, jobs, marriage, you name it, I can't commit to it. I even make it a point to not commit to things that I'm involved with unless its COMPLETELY planned out to the minute, and I know exactly what my part is, and when I have to play it. Don't believe me? Ask Susi. She can tell you. I probably drive her up the wall with all the planning I make her do. However, my obsessive compulsive behaviors literally guide me to NOT commit to something unless I can gain control over it with order. Everything needs order. I know I sound crazy right now, but I solidly believe that unless order is achieved, the product of whatever you are organizing will not be successfully received. Confused yet??? Let me try to clear it up for you. I got roped into doing a lu'au/ho'olaule'a here in St. George. (a ho'olaule'a is a block party type event). It's organized under the name, Makahiki in St. George. Check it out. Anyway, so we were having to do this, right? However, because I work at the St. George Chamber, getting sponsors, or basically selling anything through the makahiki would be a conflict of interest. So, I have basically done nothing with it. There is so much to plan, and I feel like nothing has been organized at all. Because I can't see past the unorganized parts of the event, I won't go forward with planning until they get worked out. That is the CRAZY way my brain works.
I think that's the up and down with this job right now. I have a structured regimented schedule, and I try to keep to it as much as possible. However, I am also an artist at heart, so I like to have my freedom to do what I will with my designing and everything else I do. So, whenever I get tired of my regime, I can go to the artisic stuff, and when I hit a mental block with the artistic stuff, I can go to the scheduled parts until something hits me. The only thing that sucks is when I feel totally drained but I HAVE to make something up. eh. I'm done with this.
I've been really irrate lately. I think its because I'm stressed out about this event coming up. I feel like everyone expects me to bend my publication deadlines because they can't stay on top of things, but I've decided that I don't care whether or not things are accurate anymore because I can't wait any longer. WHICH stresses me out because it wont be PERFECT. ugh.
I'm tired. Oh. which reminds me. Susi and I are starting a hula class. We'll see how it goes.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
North Shore
I just watched the movie North Shore. Not society's best piece of film, but surprisingly accurate in social interaction between 'haole's' or white folk and locals. Also really good example that ignorance is the thing that locals 'hold against' the visitors that go to Hawaii. My personal opinion is that you should either have someone to escort you around, or pay attention. You can really get hurt if you live in ignorance your whole life. Learn to respect others and their culture, and you'll be able to gain acceptance in that type of situation.
Watching this movie, and reading my friend Latu's blog really set me off to write this blog. Even though I talk about stupid haole's or whatever... Most of my irritation comes from the fact that people now days don't respect each other. They don't want to respect each other either. It's really sad to witness crimes of hate and just plain old ignorance. I'm a firm believer in RESPECT. If you don't have respect, you don't have anything.
Watching this movie, and reading my friend Latu's blog really set me off to write this blog. Even though I talk about stupid haole's or whatever... Most of my irritation comes from the fact that people now days don't respect each other. They don't want to respect each other either. It's really sad to witness crimes of hate and just plain old ignorance. I'm a firm believer in RESPECT. If you don't have respect, you don't have anything.
Monday, October 13, 2008
love
Okay... I know I’m probably just an emotional mess right now, but I feel the need to talk about love...
I know... LOVE. How lame... pathetic... and whatever... it’s my blog, so I'll write what I want to! :)
I’ve fallen in love with 3 guys in my lifetime. The first was a high school thing... sort of stupid and immature... I think I was more in love with the idea of him rather than HIM. I’m not even sure that qualifies as love... maybe just infatuation. Yeah. Well, it ended badly in any case. He ended up being a jerk off that wouldn't get over it, and I feel like I’m somehow still suffering repercussions (sp?) for his immaturity. I told him I liked him like... twice I think... and he freaked out. He told me he didn’t like me like that, and I was done... but for some reason, he thought I was obsessed... I guess it all comes down to high school boys being insufferably over confident, and my tendency to know exactly what I want and going for it with abandon.
Number two was a firefighter from Australia. He was hott and older, and I was a year past high school graduation, and rebellious. I met him at a bar… he walked me down the street and back, and we talked. He was in town for a week, and we spent the rest of the week together. We kept it alive with phone calls and emails. He was sweet, sensitive, and surprisingly intuitive. It all happened in a 6 month span. He took more time off that he should have, and came to Hawaii. I was naïve and thought I could accept his flaws and live with myself for making stupid decisions. We were engaged… and he was mad that I didn’t tell my parents that I wanted to marry a tattooed, smoking, drinking fireman from Aussie land. It also ended badly. Lol… I probably should have been nicer about it, but I realized I wanted more.
Lastly there was … I’ll call him Jim. Jim and I immediately clicked together. All it was was me walking into a room, and he and I were electric. I spent every waking moment with him. It was a dream… and it was… amazing. He was everything I wanted… everything I needed. If I was fire, he was water… we were so alike and so different. I don’t know exactly why things turned out the way it did… Jim was always a mystery to me. Whenever I thought I knew how to figure him out, he would shift, change, plunge me back into the dark. I think Jim and I would have been exactly like that… water and fire. Him always playing cool… smooth. Me being the fire... I am really a spitfire… ;) Maybe he knew that we couldn’t/wouldn’t work out. I caught him with another girl. I never understood why… I tried to escape him. He made me go to his wedding. Another girl. He still calls me too… Why can’t guys just leave well enough alone?
I’m sitting in my office at work right now. I can feel how cold it is outside, but I don’t really want to put my jacket on. Typing is relieving the stress of the emotional onslaught that just happened… I was reading a story my friend wrote… the first or second draft actually. It was fantastically poignant and lovely… It's about two friends (Ben and Alice) that ended up together. I hate to think it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have that kind of love. It seems like every ‘relationship’ (however loosely applied) I’ve had turns out badly. I’ve had guys tell me that I have unrealistic expectations… that I’m distant, that I’m clingy, that I’m too NICE (how can someone be too nice?) that I care too much.
What is love if you can’t express the emotions that are inside of you? I’ve had boyfriends that have gotten married TWO weeks after I broke up with them? Is something wrong with me? Am I somehow unmarriable? (is that a word? … oh well…) I know that things with the ‘loves of my life’ have turned out for the better… but what about me??? Every one of them is now married… and I’m still single. What does that mean? Or does it mean nothing? Will I get what I want in the end? The companionship and electricity? The priesthood and the attraction? When it comes for me will I know it, or will I miss it?
Love is such a strange emotion. There is nothing else that can dually hurt and heal… But when it really happens will it hurt?
I know... LOVE. How lame... pathetic... and whatever... it’s my blog, so I'll write what I want to! :)
I’ve fallen in love with 3 guys in my lifetime. The first was a high school thing... sort of stupid and immature... I think I was more in love with the idea of him rather than HIM. I’m not even sure that qualifies as love... maybe just infatuation. Yeah. Well, it ended badly in any case. He ended up being a jerk off that wouldn't get over it, and I feel like I’m somehow still suffering repercussions (sp?) for his immaturity. I told him I liked him like... twice I think... and he freaked out. He told me he didn’t like me like that, and I was done... but for some reason, he thought I was obsessed... I guess it all comes down to high school boys being insufferably over confident, and my tendency to know exactly what I want and going for it with abandon.
Number two was a firefighter from Australia. He was hott and older, and I was a year past high school graduation, and rebellious. I met him at a bar… he walked me down the street and back, and we talked. He was in town for a week, and we spent the rest of the week together. We kept it alive with phone calls and emails. He was sweet, sensitive, and surprisingly intuitive. It all happened in a 6 month span. He took more time off that he should have, and came to Hawaii. I was naïve and thought I could accept his flaws and live with myself for making stupid decisions. We were engaged… and he was mad that I didn’t tell my parents that I wanted to marry a tattooed, smoking, drinking fireman from Aussie land. It also ended badly. Lol… I probably should have been nicer about it, but I realized I wanted more.
Lastly there was … I’ll call him Jim. Jim and I immediately clicked together. All it was was me walking into a room, and he and I were electric. I spent every waking moment with him. It was a dream… and it was… amazing. He was everything I wanted… everything I needed. If I was fire, he was water… we were so alike and so different. I don’t know exactly why things turned out the way it did… Jim was always a mystery to me. Whenever I thought I knew how to figure him out, he would shift, change, plunge me back into the dark. I think Jim and I would have been exactly like that… water and fire. Him always playing cool… smooth. Me being the fire... I am really a spitfire… ;) Maybe he knew that we couldn’t/wouldn’t work out. I caught him with another girl. I never understood why… I tried to escape him. He made me go to his wedding. Another girl. He still calls me too… Why can’t guys just leave well enough alone?
I’m sitting in my office at work right now. I can feel how cold it is outside, but I don’t really want to put my jacket on. Typing is relieving the stress of the emotional onslaught that just happened… I was reading a story my friend wrote… the first or second draft actually. It was fantastically poignant and lovely… It's about two friends (Ben and Alice) that ended up together. I hate to think it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have that kind of love. It seems like every ‘relationship’ (however loosely applied) I’ve had turns out badly. I’ve had guys tell me that I have unrealistic expectations… that I’m distant, that I’m clingy, that I’m too NICE (how can someone be too nice?) that I care too much.
What is love if you can’t express the emotions that are inside of you? I’ve had boyfriends that have gotten married TWO weeks after I broke up with them? Is something wrong with me? Am I somehow unmarriable? (is that a word? … oh well…) I know that things with the ‘loves of my life’ have turned out for the better… but what about me??? Every one of them is now married… and I’m still single. What does that mean? Or does it mean nothing? Will I get what I want in the end? The companionship and electricity? The priesthood and the attraction? When it comes for me will I know it, or will I miss it?
Love is such a strange emotion. There is nothing else that can dually hurt and heal… But when it really happens will it hurt?
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sweet!
Whats up y'all???
Well, I've had the weirdest weekend... it's been really... I don't know what it's been like actually. I don't know if it was weird or not... just revealing I guess. Sorry. I'm really confused still. I found out that I have EXTREMELY high blood pressure... which explains a lot. I need to take care of myself better. I thought I would be immune to all of my families genetic ailments. Apparently I'm not. I just wish I was more motivated to be better, to take care of myself better... to become more healthy and do it willingly.
I have also been trying to stay away from the 'marriage pity party' that has been going around. Apparently a lot of people are thinking they will never be able to get married. I'm not ready for marriage right now. I've always had VERY strict rules about when and where and who and why i would get married. Not really rules... I guess a better description would be wants. things i want to accomplish before i get married. A few of them are: pay off all my debts, be financially stable, maybe go on a mission, etc. This is stuff I want to do because I think that it's unfair to marry someone and make them take on your financial status... esp if its not good. I am a VERY independent person, so I would like to be able to support not only myself, but my family as well. I know that sounds unrealistic, but coming from a family where a lot of times we were near poverty, I hate to think that I wouldn't be able to afford baby milk or diapers, etc.
I watched General Conference this weekend and was EXTREMELY impressed with what the church leaders spoke about. I really liked Uchtdorf, Wirthin, and Monson's talks. They were AWESOME!
I cant wait to go to Hawai'i. One of these days I'll move back, but for now I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
Well, I've had the weirdest weekend... it's been really... I don't know what it's been like actually. I don't know if it was weird or not... just revealing I guess. Sorry. I'm really confused still. I found out that I have EXTREMELY high blood pressure... which explains a lot. I need to take care of myself better. I thought I would be immune to all of my families genetic ailments. Apparently I'm not. I just wish I was more motivated to be better, to take care of myself better... to become more healthy and do it willingly.
I have also been trying to stay away from the 'marriage pity party' that has been going around. Apparently a lot of people are thinking they will never be able to get married. I'm not ready for marriage right now. I've always had VERY strict rules about when and where and who and why i would get married. Not really rules... I guess a better description would be wants. things i want to accomplish before i get married. A few of them are: pay off all my debts, be financially stable, maybe go on a mission, etc. This is stuff I want to do because I think that it's unfair to marry someone and make them take on your financial status... esp if its not good. I am a VERY independent person, so I would like to be able to support not only myself, but my family as well. I know that sounds unrealistic, but coming from a family where a lot of times we were near poverty, I hate to think that I wouldn't be able to afford baby milk or diapers, etc.
I watched General Conference this weekend and was EXTREMELY impressed with what the church leaders spoke about. I really liked Uchtdorf, Wirthin, and Monson's talks. They were AWESOME!
I cant wait to go to Hawai'i. One of these days I'll move back, but for now I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
TAG!
I am: ready to go to Hawai'i!!!
I think: life is too short to have to worry about health
I know: i need to take better care of myself
I am: working... as usual.
I want: to become the person i should...
I have: enough for now.
I dislike: stupidity.
I miss: my real friends
I fear: spiders, the dark, and losing my family
I feel: relaxed
I hear: the usual goings on in the office...
I smell: delicious
I crave: lobster and/or sushi
I cry: when i miss my fam-bam.
I search: for peace and forgiveness
I wonder: whats in store for the future
I regret: being too timid
I wish: i had an awesome car
I love: HAWAII! :)
I care: about what matters
I always: am down for a party!
I worry: that i'll never find out what i want in life
I am not: in the mood to put up with peoples crap today...
I remember: the good times
I believe: in the goodness of people
I sing: all day long usually...
I don’t: get why people don't think they have to play by the rules
I argue: when i know im right
I write: short stories and poetry
I win: when i focus on what i REALLY want
I lose: myself in the crowd sometimes
I listen: to anyone who needs to just talk
I don’t understand: people who don't have common sense or courtesy
I can usually be found: zoning out in my own world...
I need: motivation
I forget: everything
I am happy: most of the time :)
I think: life is too short to have to worry about health
I know: i need to take better care of myself
I am: working... as usual.
I want: to become the person i should...
I have: enough for now.
I dislike: stupidity.
I miss: my real friends
I fear: spiders, the dark, and losing my family
I feel: relaxed
I hear: the usual goings on in the office...
I smell: delicious
I crave: lobster and/or sushi
I cry: when i miss my fam-bam.
I search: for peace and forgiveness
I wonder: whats in store for the future
I regret: being too timid
I wish: i had an awesome car
I love: HAWAII! :)
I care: about what matters
I always: am down for a party!
I worry: that i'll never find out what i want in life
I am not: in the mood to put up with peoples crap today...
I remember: the good times
I believe: in the goodness of people
I sing: all day long usually...
I don’t: get why people don't think they have to play by the rules
I argue: when i know im right
I write: short stories and poetry
I win: when i focus on what i REALLY want
I lose: myself in the crowd sometimes
I listen: to anyone who needs to just talk
I don’t understand: people who don't have common sense or courtesy
I can usually be found: zoning out in my own world...
I need: motivation
I forget: everything
I am happy: most of the time :)
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