SO, a lot of you know that I have 3 brothers.
I was chatting today with the youngest, Sean. We were basically complaining to each other... him about the costs of education, me about life in general...
Anyway, at the end of the conversation, he told me to 'Fix my face.' Some of you may not know my family, but we are straight up with each other when something is bothering us, when we're being too emotional or WHATEVER. 'Fix your face' is something we say to each other as a way to express: "You are being entirely too critical and emotional. You need to readjust your attitude and stop complaining. Thank you for your cooperation."
So, I'm blogging to fix my face.
I don't know why I am emotional. I don't know why I've been whining. It's not like me to complain all the time. I've never been one to be envious, etc. Why is it that when I come to the mainland, all I can do is complain? I should be GRATEFUL!!!
I Love my life. I have good friends, an awesome place to live, a great job, a fantastic family... I should be shouting from the rooftops about how amazing this life is. I'm a lot better off than a lot of other people...
I'm going to stop complaining.
Face = Fixed. :)
Showing posts with label vent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vent. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, October 13, 2008
love
Okay... I know I’m probably just an emotional mess right now, but I feel the need to talk about love...
I know... LOVE. How lame... pathetic... and whatever... it’s my blog, so I'll write what I want to! :)
I’ve fallen in love with 3 guys in my lifetime. The first was a high school thing... sort of stupid and immature... I think I was more in love with the idea of him rather than HIM. I’m not even sure that qualifies as love... maybe just infatuation. Yeah. Well, it ended badly in any case. He ended up being a jerk off that wouldn't get over it, and I feel like I’m somehow still suffering repercussions (sp?) for his immaturity. I told him I liked him like... twice I think... and he freaked out. He told me he didn’t like me like that, and I was done... but for some reason, he thought I was obsessed... I guess it all comes down to high school boys being insufferably over confident, and my tendency to know exactly what I want and going for it with abandon.
Number two was a firefighter from Australia. He was hott and older, and I was a year past high school graduation, and rebellious. I met him at a bar… he walked me down the street and back, and we talked. He was in town for a week, and we spent the rest of the week together. We kept it alive with phone calls and emails. He was sweet, sensitive, and surprisingly intuitive. It all happened in a 6 month span. He took more time off that he should have, and came to Hawaii. I was naïve and thought I could accept his flaws and live with myself for making stupid decisions. We were engaged… and he was mad that I didn’t tell my parents that I wanted to marry a tattooed, smoking, drinking fireman from Aussie land. It also ended badly. Lol… I probably should have been nicer about it, but I realized I wanted more.
Lastly there was … I’ll call him Jim. Jim and I immediately clicked together. All it was was me walking into a room, and he and I were electric. I spent every waking moment with him. It was a dream… and it was… amazing. He was everything I wanted… everything I needed. If I was fire, he was water… we were so alike and so different. I don’t know exactly why things turned out the way it did… Jim was always a mystery to me. Whenever I thought I knew how to figure him out, he would shift, change, plunge me back into the dark. I think Jim and I would have been exactly like that… water and fire. Him always playing cool… smooth. Me being the fire... I am really a spitfire… ;) Maybe he knew that we couldn’t/wouldn’t work out. I caught him with another girl. I never understood why… I tried to escape him. He made me go to his wedding. Another girl. He still calls me too… Why can’t guys just leave well enough alone?
I’m sitting in my office at work right now. I can feel how cold it is outside, but I don’t really want to put my jacket on. Typing is relieving the stress of the emotional onslaught that just happened… I was reading a story my friend wrote… the first or second draft actually. It was fantastically poignant and lovely… It's about two friends (Ben and Alice) that ended up together. I hate to think it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have that kind of love. It seems like every ‘relationship’ (however loosely applied) I’ve had turns out badly. I’ve had guys tell me that I have unrealistic expectations… that I’m distant, that I’m clingy, that I’m too NICE (how can someone be too nice?) that I care too much.
What is love if you can’t express the emotions that are inside of you? I’ve had boyfriends that have gotten married TWO weeks after I broke up with them? Is something wrong with me? Am I somehow unmarriable? (is that a word? … oh well…) I know that things with the ‘loves of my life’ have turned out for the better… but what about me??? Every one of them is now married… and I’m still single. What does that mean? Or does it mean nothing? Will I get what I want in the end? The companionship and electricity? The priesthood and the attraction? When it comes for me will I know it, or will I miss it?
Love is such a strange emotion. There is nothing else that can dually hurt and heal… But when it really happens will it hurt?
I know... LOVE. How lame... pathetic... and whatever... it’s my blog, so I'll write what I want to! :)
I’ve fallen in love with 3 guys in my lifetime. The first was a high school thing... sort of stupid and immature... I think I was more in love with the idea of him rather than HIM. I’m not even sure that qualifies as love... maybe just infatuation. Yeah. Well, it ended badly in any case. He ended up being a jerk off that wouldn't get over it, and I feel like I’m somehow still suffering repercussions (sp?) for his immaturity. I told him I liked him like... twice I think... and he freaked out. He told me he didn’t like me like that, and I was done... but for some reason, he thought I was obsessed... I guess it all comes down to high school boys being insufferably over confident, and my tendency to know exactly what I want and going for it with abandon.
Number two was a firefighter from Australia. He was hott and older, and I was a year past high school graduation, and rebellious. I met him at a bar… he walked me down the street and back, and we talked. He was in town for a week, and we spent the rest of the week together. We kept it alive with phone calls and emails. He was sweet, sensitive, and surprisingly intuitive. It all happened in a 6 month span. He took more time off that he should have, and came to Hawaii. I was naïve and thought I could accept his flaws and live with myself for making stupid decisions. We were engaged… and he was mad that I didn’t tell my parents that I wanted to marry a tattooed, smoking, drinking fireman from Aussie land. It also ended badly. Lol… I probably should have been nicer about it, but I realized I wanted more.
Lastly there was … I’ll call him Jim. Jim and I immediately clicked together. All it was was me walking into a room, and he and I were electric. I spent every waking moment with him. It was a dream… and it was… amazing. He was everything I wanted… everything I needed. If I was fire, he was water… we were so alike and so different. I don’t know exactly why things turned out the way it did… Jim was always a mystery to me. Whenever I thought I knew how to figure him out, he would shift, change, plunge me back into the dark. I think Jim and I would have been exactly like that… water and fire. Him always playing cool… smooth. Me being the fire... I am really a spitfire… ;) Maybe he knew that we couldn’t/wouldn’t work out. I caught him with another girl. I never understood why… I tried to escape him. He made me go to his wedding. Another girl. He still calls me too… Why can’t guys just leave well enough alone?
I’m sitting in my office at work right now. I can feel how cold it is outside, but I don’t really want to put my jacket on. Typing is relieving the stress of the emotional onslaught that just happened… I was reading a story my friend wrote… the first or second draft actually. It was fantastically poignant and lovely… It's about two friends (Ben and Alice) that ended up together. I hate to think it, but I don’t know if I’ll ever have that kind of love. It seems like every ‘relationship’ (however loosely applied) I’ve had turns out badly. I’ve had guys tell me that I have unrealistic expectations… that I’m distant, that I’m clingy, that I’m too NICE (how can someone be too nice?) that I care too much.
What is love if you can’t express the emotions that are inside of you? I’ve had boyfriends that have gotten married TWO weeks after I broke up with them? Is something wrong with me? Am I somehow unmarriable? (is that a word? … oh well…) I know that things with the ‘loves of my life’ have turned out for the better… but what about me??? Every one of them is now married… and I’m still single. What does that mean? Or does it mean nothing? Will I get what I want in the end? The companionship and electricity? The priesthood and the attraction? When it comes for me will I know it, or will I miss it?
Love is such a strange emotion. There is nothing else that can dually hurt and heal… But when it really happens will it hurt?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Politics & more...
Hey everyone!!!
How have you all been???
Well... let me start with the fact that I'm a little disappointed in women in general. Why can't we see what we're WORTH??? Life is too short to second guess yourself. YOU are a SPECIAL, BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL person and YOU DESERVE THE BEST in life. I don't care who you are... you do. NEVER let anyone tell you differently.
This world seems to be here to tell us we aren't good enough. You're not pretty enough. You aren't rich enough. It IS NOT true! You are unique. You have a purpose! You are beautiful!
Whatever you do, DON'T LISTEN TO THE WORLD. It will never be enough if you give in to the media and social pressures. It will never stop unless you CHOOSE to make it stop. You can be your OWN person. Take back your life and LIVE it for yourself! Live it for your family! Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Live it the best way you can. Don't listen to people or the judgments they have for you. It doesn't matter what they think. Just do your best. That’s all anyone can ask of you or that you can ask of yourself.
Why can't women get along??? Why do we constantly have to backstab each other and be conniving? Why can’t we lift each other up and come together with mutual respect for each other? Aren’t you tired of constantly trying to ‘one up’ the other? Isn’t it time to just LOVE one another??? You don’t have to bring the people around you down. LIFT THEM UP!!! Have respect for who they are and what they’ve achieved!
Everyone in the world is dealt a different hand. We all have different trials to go through… different circumstances. We should be able to go to each other for help and support without the worry that it will be rubbed in our face.
I’m so tired of fighting against the current. If I want to date a guy, don’t try to steal him away. If I try to become successful, don’t sabotage me.
Okay… vent over.
I work at the Chamber of Commerce here, and we have a luncheon each Wednesday. Today, we had a political forum for candidates running for office this year. I was amazed at the ‘mudslinging’ that occurred. That’s something I truly detest about politics. If you want my vote, don’t tell me how bad the other guy is. Tell me how awesome you are and why I should vote for you.
Eh… I’m so done with all the politics in the air. I feel like it’s suffocating me.
I’m outtie…
How have you all been???
Well... let me start with the fact that I'm a little disappointed in women in general. Why can't we see what we're WORTH??? Life is too short to second guess yourself. YOU are a SPECIAL, BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL person and YOU DESERVE THE BEST in life. I don't care who you are... you do. NEVER let anyone tell you differently.
This world seems to be here to tell us we aren't good enough. You're not pretty enough. You aren't rich enough. It IS NOT true! You are unique. You have a purpose! You are beautiful!
Whatever you do, DON'T LISTEN TO THE WORLD. It will never be enough if you give in to the media and social pressures. It will never stop unless you CHOOSE to make it stop. You can be your OWN person. Take back your life and LIVE it for yourself! Live it for your family! Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Live it the best way you can. Don't listen to people or the judgments they have for you. It doesn't matter what they think. Just do your best. That’s all anyone can ask of you or that you can ask of yourself.
Why can't women get along??? Why do we constantly have to backstab each other and be conniving? Why can’t we lift each other up and come together with mutual respect for each other? Aren’t you tired of constantly trying to ‘one up’ the other? Isn’t it time to just LOVE one another??? You don’t have to bring the people around you down. LIFT THEM UP!!! Have respect for who they are and what they’ve achieved!
Everyone in the world is dealt a different hand. We all have different trials to go through… different circumstances. We should be able to go to each other for help and support without the worry that it will be rubbed in our face.
I’m so tired of fighting against the current. If I want to date a guy, don’t try to steal him away. If I try to become successful, don’t sabotage me.
Okay… vent over.
I work at the Chamber of Commerce here, and we have a luncheon each Wednesday. Today, we had a political forum for candidates running for office this year. I was amazed at the ‘mudslinging’ that occurred. That’s something I truly detest about politics. If you want my vote, don’t tell me how bad the other guy is. Tell me how awesome you are and why I should vote for you.
Eh… I’m so done with all the politics in the air. I feel like it’s suffocating me.
I’m outtie…
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