Hungry for more!!!

Hello all!!!
Every year, I volunteer at the Huntsman World Senior Games. This year I am a Shuttle Driver. :) Last year I found out how awesome driving a shuttle for a bunch of international senior athletes could be, and I decided to do it again. It starts this weekend, and I'm pretty excited! :)



Also this weekend, is Oktoberfest here in St. George. The New Promise Lutheran Church is putting on an event, and it looks like a ton of fun! They're going to have authentic German food and an Oompa band to play some polka! WOO HOO! A pic of Susi and I with the Oompa band in 2007. You could say we're the groupies for the band. ;)

I love the fall!

I'm watching!

Hello all!!!

I just wanted to say that I LOVE watching movies. :) I don't know what it is, but after I watch a good movie I am automatically in a good mood. :)

Movies I want to see in the future:

-Ponyo
-All About Steve
-9
-Up (i know... haven't seen it yet)
-Paper Heart
-Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
-Invention of Lying
-Surrogates
-The Informant
-Amelia
-Astro Boy
-Youth in Revolt
-New Moon
-2012
-Fantastic Mr. Fox
-Planet 51
-Ninja Assassin
-The Lovely Bones
-The Princess and the Frog
-Avatar
-Hachiko: A Dog’s Tale
-The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
-It’s Complicated
-Sherlock Holmes
-Mr. Nobody
-The Secret of Moonacre
-Up in the Air

:)

I really do love movies... and these are just the "mainstream" ones. I have a whole other list for the indie films I want to see. Which brings me to the point of my post.

I am finally able to go to a movie alone and enjoy myself.

I have a friend that ALWAYS watched movies alone. (I'm assuming since he is now married he has a movie pal. ;) ) I always thought he was strange, but now I see that it wasn't strangeness. It's good to feel comfortable in your own skin. To not care what the outside world thinks of you. I think as a society, we put too high a price on what others think.

What do you think?

Because, truly, that is what matters. No one else can live your life for you. If you want to go somewhere or do something, what are you waiting for? Get out there and do it. If you wait for other people to jump on the band wagon, you'll be waiting all your life. Here is another Dr. Seuss quote:

"Today you are you,
that is truer than true.
There is no one alive
who is youer than you."

Be who you are, and do it on purpose. Don't let others dictate who you are.

Tired. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. I feel like I am presented with two options, and I don't know which to choose.

One path leads to possible happiness and less drama. One of my resolutions this year has been to avoid drama, and while I have tried to, I find it tends to follow me. The first path has been there for a long time, but I've eluded the choice by pretending it wasn't there. Now, I am forced to recognize it is there and make a choice. Which explains the post... even if no one reads it. ;)

The second path is full of drama and possible happiness. (you notice the "possible"... that because happiness is uncertain) There are also other things on the second path that can be either positive or negative depending on how they occur. I can see further down this path, but I'm unsure if I want to deal with the ramifications and hardships down this path.

I am extremely tempted to take the first path, but then I wonder, "What if the second path (while harder and more 'rocky') is the right path to take?" How do I instinctively know that the second path will be harder? Why do I think that the harder the journey the bigger reward? What if the easier path is just that? Easier? What if the rewards are the same, but I'm just torturing myself because I'm deluded? All these questions and no answers.

huh... moving on.

I was reading my friend's blog, and I have to say that I feel a lot like she has recently: depressed and confused. I feel like everything I try to say or do blows up in my face. I am a blunt and at times apathetic person. I care a lot about my family and friends, but sometimes it's just too much to have to worry about EVERYONE all the time. I know that I offend a lot of people, but I really can't be bothered about it. Mostly because I can't control how people interpret what I say and what I do. However, it also has a lot to do with my friend Carol's favorite quote by Dr. Seuss:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

So will the people that 'matter' care that I am thoughtless and blunt? Obviously my family and friends (for the most part) don't because they are still around.

But...

I still get that nagging sensation that I need to make some adjustments. But why?

Life is so unexpected some times.

Me...

A 'preface' to this... I got it from my cousin. Stupidly thought it would be an easy way to kill time... Here is goes!

100 Things About Me...

1. I am easily irritated.

2. I suffer from genetic road rage. ;)

3. It is emotionally impossible for me to hold a grudge.

4. I love the smell of pencils and rubber cement... and scotch tape.

5. I do not know how to do my own hair. Chalk it up to growing up as a tom boy.

6. I was bald until I was 3.

7. I LOVE all the same music my parents do... with my own embellishments of course. :)

8. I am a chronic liar. Sometimes I can't control it... I don't know where that comes from.

9. I feel a mystical bond with nature. No, really.

10. I have always wanted to be a racecar driver.

11. People feigning helplessness is one of my biggest pet peeves-- even if they don't know they are doing it.

12. My favorite number is 5.

13. It was brought to my attention that I write my S's upside down.

14. I actually laugh if I write 'LOL.' :)

15. I am a horrible writer when it comes to punctuation and spelling.

16. I actually tried to convince my friends that weird was spelled 'wierd'... good times. :D

17. I hate crying in front of people. It makes me feel weak.

18. I hate the following breakfast foods: Waffles, Pancakes, Hash browns... >gag<

19. Exercise is boring to me. I like an activity that combines the mental and physical.

20. I feel guilty when my car has problems.

21. I have to have the following to sleep: flowing air, dark, and silence

22. My OCD manifests itself when I am under extreme anxiety or duress.

23. I am amazingly good at making people feel guilty... I try not to use it too much.

24. I have a hard time telling guys that I'm interested. Instead I tend to push them away.

25. I feel embarrassed when people compliment me on my singing when I know it wasn't the best I am capable of.

26. My parent's opinions mean everything to me.

27. So do my brother's... I think that's why I fight with them a lot.

28. I love making funny faces in photos :)

29. I know a lot of things that people have tried to hide from me. That's what comes from having a good social network.

30. I am a true Aries... go look it up.

31. I love animals. I think it's wrong to be intentionally cruel to them.

32. I think I have deep-seeded issues that can't be worked out without the help of a professional.

33. I am afraid of doctor's offices.

34. ...and spiders

35. I have never felt that I have wasted my time in my life. Everything I pursue or do has some sort of benefit eventually.

36. Michael J. Fox is a hero of mine.

37. I'm scared of getting married to the wrong person.

38. I'm scared of getting married the right person too...

39. I think people see me differently than I see myself.

40. I am extremely loyal to my friends.

41. I'll admit that I am a music snob at times.

42. I want a HUGE luau for my funeral. I think people should celebrate life at funerals... is that wierd? (I know I spelt weird 'wierd'... look at #16.)

43. I have never ridden a horse. Truthfully, I don't think it would be able to hold me.

44. I am HORRIBLE at math... but I'm okay with that.

45. I LOVE spicy food

46. I don't know how to swim... YET!

47. I have a secret fascination with Chinese astrology.

48. I have a hard time balancing things in life if my family life is interrupted.

49. I think if I cut my hair short, I would look like a boy.

50. I collect pens.

51. I don't like people that walk behind my desk at work without an invitation.

52. I think the Japanese culture is really interesting

53. I am an aspiring novelist.

54. I've always wanted to pet a bear. They look so fluffy!

55. Eventually I want to own a llama

56. I am currently seeking my degree. :) Thank you University of Phoenix! >i am a phoenix!<

57. I believe in the power of the mind. I use it all the time. :)

58. The most embarrassing moment of my life doesn't embarrass me. Does that mean it doesn't count?

59. I miss the ocean more than anything else in Hawaii

60. I know some sort of 'karma' exists...

61. My favorite TV shows are: Bones, Pushing Daisies (sad that they cancelled it...), NCIS, How I Met Your Mother, Chuck, and Project Runway

62. I have always wanted a photographic memory.

63. I don't understand people that are two-faced.

64. I think honesty really is the best policy.

65. I have had a crush on Glenn Frey from the Eagles for... forever. :)

66. I am a sushi connoisseur. I LOVE sushi!

67. At times, I find life too strange to be real.

68. I LOVE COOKIES!

69. I experience déjà vu on a regular basis.

70. I love indie films.

71. Apples make me hyper.

72. Although I am ‘OCD,’ most of the time my room, car and office are messy. I am now learning that being ‘OCD’ doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be a clean freak…

73. I am a clean freak from time to time…

74. I also collect keys. I have a bag of them at home.

75. I just recently started texting, and truthfully, it’s overrated. I’d rather just talk to someone.

76. I love peridots… and have always secretly wished it was my birthstone.

77. I have a quirky sense of humor, and have yet to find anyone that ‘gets it.’

78. I am atrociously bad at grammar. I blame it on the Hawai’i school system…

79. Water is my favorite drink next to orange juice.

80. I desperately want a dog when I get my own place. It will be either an American Bully or Mastiff

81. I am good at what I do. :)

82. Being happy and positive is the only way to be!

83. I am a perfectionist.

84. My favorite color is chartreuse

85. I taught myself how to play the uke… off the internet, no less. :)

86. It takes me a long time to ‘rouse my faculties’ in the morning.

87. If I could do anything right now, I would go base jumping. :)

88. My favorite flowers are (in order of preference): Pakalana, Lehua, Tube Rose, Pikake & Pukenikeni

89. My head is 23” in circumference.

90. I never seem to have ‘luck’ with anything. (You probably don’t want me to go to Vegas with you…)

91. I think my best feature are my feet.

92. I can listen to a person talk and not hear a word.

93. If you want me to wake up, all you have to do is say my name.

94. I secretly love the fashions of the 1970’s.

95. If someone asks me for a random word, “potato” is the first word that always comes to mind.

96. I make my own sound effects…

97. Pistachios are my favorite nut.

98. I am VERY particular with my bedding. I like Down Comforters, Soft pillows, and Egyptian Cotton sheets.

99. My dream car is a 97 Ford Bronco.

100. FINALLY!!! :) My nationalities include: Hawaiian, Filipino, German, Scottish, Irish, and possibly British.

Potato Salad

I don't necessarily have anything important to say. I had an emotional breakdown last night. I've been overdue, so it was nice. I feel Extraordinarily tired today... probably due to the fact that I was in hysterics and had to call my brother Adam to calm me down. Thanks Adam! I know I can always call you at 1 am here (9pm there) when I'm having emotional turmoil. :)

I decided that I really will need some sort of way to weed out bad future husband 'potentials.' Like a survey or something like a 'pop quiz.' The reason being that I don't want some guy that will say something similar to:

"Well, I didn't really think they meant eternity... did you?"
"This is just getting too hard."
"If you don't stay home with the kids, it's over."
or my favorite:
"I think 20 years is good enough... and I don't love you anymore."

These are all actual things people who are close to me have been told by their spouse in the past 2 years. If you think about it, marriage really is a lot like Russian roulette now days. How are you supposed to know that whoever you're marrying won't turn out to be a jerk? That they won't decide one day that marriage is just too hard, and they want out?

Marriage is supposed to be hard sometimes. If you don't struggle with someone, how can you expect to stay together? Life isn't easy. It never will be, and when you're married, you have to deal with a lot of crap. Don't people understand that out of adversity comes understanding? Heavenly Father KNOWS what we are capable of, but how will we know unless we are pushed to the limit?

I guess I'm becoming jaded to the concept of marriage.

I was reading this blog, and I really do agree with her. I'm tired of what my friend Susi calls the "Peter Pan" Syndrome. Guys (It seems especially here in St. George) just don't want to 'grow up'. They think marriage is something amounting to them slacking off for the rest of their lives, and the women clean up after them, cook their meals, and make babies.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy to have my own family, and I love cooking, but marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Since when has it become the 'standard' that women stay at home and men go "bring home the bacon"? I think that's why I love my family so much. My older brother is a stay at home dad. He is pursuing his career, but his wife has the steady job. AND my oldest brother is always encouraging his wife to pursue her career and be the best she can be. What up guys?

I guess I'm mostly irritated at the fact that guys here are looking for a "Stepford Wife" or as Susi calls it, the potato salad. You know... when you're at a bbq, you always try the potato salad. It's the same with some girls. They get all the attention, and the other side dishes are overlooked. (I know I'm referring to women as food, which seems counter productive... but we all know that Mormons Like Analogies.) But, like I said to Susi the other night. I don't want to be the potato salad. I want a man to love me for who I am... not what I look like. AND, If you find someone that likes (for instance) rice, they will eat rice for every meal for the rest of their lives. You can only eat so much potato salad...

A note from me to all you 'Peter Pans' out there. Stop being intimidated by strong, educated women. We're AWESOME!!! Funny, interesting, thought provoking, and I'd like to think, way good looking. (I'm referring to myself... ;) )

meh. I have my whole life ahead of me.

Fixing my face

SO, a lot of you know that I have 3 brothers.

I was chatting today with the youngest, Sean. We were basically complaining to each other... him about the costs of education, me about life in general...

Anyway, at the end of the conversation, he told me to 'Fix my face.' Some of you may not know my family, but we are straight up with each other when something is bothering us, when we're being too emotional or WHATEVER. 'Fix your face' is something we say to each other as a way to express: "You are being entirely too critical and emotional. You need to readjust your attitude and stop complaining. Thank you for your cooperation."

So, I'm blogging to fix my face.

I don't know why I am emotional. I don't know why I've been whining. It's not like me to complain all the time. I've never been one to be envious, etc. Why is it that when I come to the mainland, all I can do is complain? I should be GRATEFUL!!!

I Love my life. I have good friends, an awesome place to live, a great job, a fantastic family... I should be shouting from the rooftops about how amazing this life is. I'm a lot better off than a lot of other people...

I'm going to stop complaining.

Face = Fixed. :)

off-putting...

I think something about my personality is off-putting to some people. I like to think that I am a nice person, but... who knows??? My friend Susi says it's because I don't care. Care about what??? I care. Just because I don't think I should have to pretend to care when I really don't...

Is that what is comes down to??? Pretending things matter so that other people can feel good about themselves??? Wouldn't it be better for all of us if everyone just told the truth??? Maybe not. What would the world be like if everyone told the truth, no matter what? I'd like to think that it would be a lot better than it is now... but maybe we need those lies. Are the lies we tell to each other AND ourselves really that important to a civilized society? Who knows...

I've been feeling especially philosophical and punchy lately. I just want to argue. With everyone. Argue isn't the right word... DEBATE!!! I want a debate. Do they have debate clubs for the elderly? I need to join one.

I just have to keep to my mantra: Life is good... life is good... life is good...