you're a sword

"The Dog Days Are Over..."

2012-01-11T20:50:00.002-07:00

Hello all!

Wow. A lot has happened since Christmas. Can you believe it? lol. It's only been about three weeks! Oh well.

So, I'll just recap the details since Christmas. I was off from work for the last week and a half of the year. So, Ames and I went to Salt Lake to hang out with Ames' family for New Years. I have never had any luck with New Year celebrations. Seriously. I think last year was the first one I have ever had where nothing stupid happened. It was pretty rad. We hung out and played Just Dance on Wii and relaxed, which was what I totally needed. :)

Anywho. Work and school has started up again. I need to really nail down a schedule for school and work and working out. It's tough because I either have to exercise EARLY in the morning (let's be honest...is this really even an option? I can barely get up by 7:15 every morning. :S) or after work...either right after work or around 9:00. In all honesty, I don't really want to work out after work. I am EXHAUSTED after work. All I want to do is chill out. I mean I have homework, but I would rather just focus on homework after work. I guess early in the morning is the only time. Maybe I'll try it a couple times next week to see how I like it.

Have you made resolutions for 2012? I have a few. I decided this year that I need to just make three or four resolutions so that I can realistically accomplish them all. So, here it goes:

1. Get healthy.

• This has been a life-long goal, but I think I am ready for it this year. I have broke it down into a couple sub-resos so I can focus on small steps:

- Go to the gym at least twice a week. I think I'll start this in February. I need to figure out what will work with my schedule.

- Eat out MUCH less than last year. I eat out a lot. I am honestly working on cutting back on that. I have started cooking at home. All I have to do is start bringing it to work. :)

- Work on the "mental" obstacles that I have regarding weight, and develop a healthy relationship with food. I know that this is probably going to be the hardest step, but I am stronger now than I have ever been when it comes to self-mastery. I can do it. :)

2. Get a new car.

• Sadly, Blanche is going the way of the world. :(

3. Pass all my classes.

• This is non-negotiable. I had to pay for a class once that I failed, and I won't do it again! :S

4. Work on my spiritual worthiness.

• This will probably be the toughest on me emotionally. I have a lot of things to work out within myself. Sadly there isn't anything that anyone can really do to help with this other than be supportive. However, this is something that is becoming more and more imperative for me to accomplish. This IS the year.

That's is! 2011 was a rough year for me, so I am looking to make 2012 AMAZING-er. :)

Here is the song for the day. A hui hou! (Until next time!)

Dog DaysAre Over

by: Florence And The Machine

Happiness, hit her like a train on atrack
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back
She hidaround corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kissesand from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
Andwashed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
Thedog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Runfast for your mother run fast for your father
Run for yourchildren for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love andyour longing behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want tosurvive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Canyou hear the horses
'Cause here they come

And I neverwanted anything from you
Except everything you had
And what wasleft after that too. oh.

Happiness hit her like a bullet inthe back
Struck from a great height
By someone who should knowbetter than that

The dog days are over
The dog days aregone
Can you hear the horses
'Cause here they come

Runfast for your mother and fast for your father
Run for yourchildren for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love andyour longing behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want tosurvive

The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Canyou hear the horses
Because here they come

The dog days areover
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses
Becausehere they come

Christmas in Review

2011-12-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

Aloha!!!

Many of you have posted a "Christmas in Review" type of blog, and while usually, I try to stay away from those, I just had to tell you about my Christmas.

This year, I decided to go and spend my Christmas with my Grandma, Great Grandma (who is 100), my Uncle Aaron, his family, and their friend Debbie.

It was AMAZING to say the least. There is something that puts me at ease when I am with my family. There is nothing quite like it, and sadly I don't think I'm ever 100% myself when I am away from my family. Anywho...

Before I get into the awesome parts, let me tell you a story.

Blanche has been giving me trouble (I think it's about time to retire her... :( ), so I decided to rent a car from Enterprise--who I have rented from many times before. I have always enjoyed their customer service and the friendliness of the staff.

I made my reservation with them online a couple of weeks before because I knew that holidays are a busy time for them. When I went to get my car (thanks for the ride Susi!), there were NONE at all. I asked where all the cars were, and they stated that many of the renters from the day before hadn't returned their cars on time. I can understand that, so while being a little put out (I had a time schedule to keep), I was willing to wait. However, as the man checked me in (I think his name was Brad...) he asked where I was going. I stated I was going to Page, which is just a hop skip and a jump over the Utah-Arizona border. He told me that I was only allotted 100 miles a day. I told him I understood, and that I wouldn't be going over the mileage, as Page is only about 150 miles away.

He told me he bumped me up to unlimited miles because Arizona was far away, which bumped my price up to $100 more than I was originally budgeting for this trip. I told him that I wasn't going to go over my miles and I assumed that since he printed off my statement, that he took it off and it was all good. He told me he would call me when my car was there.

An hour later I got a call and went back to get a car. He gave me all the paperwork to sign and asked if I needed insurance. I told him that my insurance covered it, but it didn't seem that he heard me. He asked me again, ad when I repeated my answer, he kept pushing me to get the insurance with them. After I bluntly told him no, he rudely asked what my deductible was. When I told him, he told me that was too high, and that I was mistaken (which I wasn't). In the end, had me initial the paper work and literally ran away from me while I was asking if he had taken off the unlimited miles, which I found he didn't.

I was shocked. I have NEVER been treated like that...EVER. However, since I was so low on time, I just jumped in the car and left. I am STILL upset about it and unfortunately, after my experience with them this time, I don't think that I will be renting from them again. I'm going to talk to the manager when I get there tomorrow to see if he can rectify some of this...so hopefully he will. :S

Anyway let's move on.

After driving to Page and getting here just before dark (you never want to drive to Page in the dark from St. George. There are a TON of deer, and the drivers are just plain SCARY). It was good to see my grandma and great grandma. My great grandma asked me if we could sing one of the songs that I sang at her 100th birthday together. It is called "Welcome to my World" and is sung by...a lot of people. Most famously Elvis and Jim Reeves.

If you ever get the chance to sing a song with a 100 year old person, you should definitely do it! :) It was so cute to hear her sing with me! :) If I can get a digital copy, I may post it. It was ADORABLE! :)

I also got the chance to make eggs benedict for the first time! :) It was super delicious. Next time, I will make my hollandaise sauce last. As I was trying to keep my sauce warm, it broke and I ended up not being able to save it--even after seeking the help of Google. Oh well. It still tasted delightful! :) Poaching eggs wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, and I found the secret is the temperature of the water. If it is too hot, the egg will cook too quickly and the yolk will cook outside of the whites. If it is too cold, it takes the eggs forever to cook and the whites are more likely to disconnect from the yolk. You need the water to be at the temperature just before boiling. There will be little baby bubbles forming on the bottom of the pan. :)

For Christmas dinner, my Aunty Stacy made beef wellington. This was the first time I was trying it, and it was delicious! We also had asparagus with bacon and a bearnaise sauce, Arkansas dressing, and rolls. It was really good. We chatted with the family, and ended up watching John Wayne movies. I haven't really watched many John Wayne movies, but the one we saw was pretty awesome. Dean Martin and Angie Dickinson were in it. I think the name of it is Rio Bravo. Anyway. It was super cool.

All in all it was a great Christmas. I got a lot of awesome presents, and got to spend time with some of my favorite people. It makes me sad to leave...but I know that they are just a hop, skip, and a jump away. :)

I'll leave you with the lyrics to the song me and my GG sang together. :) Wish me luck at the rental car place!

Welcome to My World
by: Jim Reeves

Welcome to my world
Won't you come on in
Miracles I guess
Still happen now and then

Step into my heart
Leave your cares behind
Welcome to my world
Built with you in mind

Knock and the door will open
Seek and you will find
Ask and you'll be given
The key to this heart of mine

I'll be waiting here
With my arms unfurled
Waiting just for you
Welcome to my world

Waiting just for you
Welcome to my world

My family.

2011-12-11T20:20:00.002-07:00

SO...

I recently found a picture on my brothers blog of my family. Here it is:

If you notice...there is someone important missing. ME! lol. So I made some improvements:

You're welcome. :)

Unholy Mess

2011-12-07T17:09:00.001-07:00

It's interesting what an emotional "vomit-sesh" will do for a woman. I think I've been feeling extremely stressed lately. Pair that with a short temper and lack of sleep, and it makes a killer combo...literally. I have been on edge for the past week, and last night I finally was able to purge out all of that emotion.

Afterwards I felt AMAZING. However, I know that there are the occasional casualties from my unhealthy methods of coping with my emotions. Sorry everyone. :( I'm learning as I go here.

Anyway, I got some news today that, while in my opinion is a long time in coming, is super unfortunate for a select group of people. I don't particularly like these people. In fact, you could say that I borderline hate one of them. However, I still feel badly that they got caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar.

I think that is something that I have always believed in--the fact that if you are not being honest, it will ALWAYS catch up to you. Always. It might not be today, but eventually down the road, everything "will out" as the Brits say.

Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Hmmm...I guess I would say Modern Family, although I usually watch it online. The same with Naruto Shippuden. If I'm watching TV, I will usually have it on Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother. :)

Anywho. I'm thinking about putting up a video on YouTube of me singing a song. I haven't decided if I want to actually do it yet, but just know that it's in the works. :)

Song for the day. This is a great music vid...but you can get a seizure if you watch it, so be careful. :)

All Of The Lights
Kanye West feat. John Legend, The-Dream, Elly Jackson, Alicia Keys, Fergie, Kid Cudi, Elton John & Rihanna

[Tony Williams & Kanye West]
All of the lights
All of the lights
All of the lights
All of the lights

[Rihanna]
Turn up the lights in here, baby
Extra bright, I want y'all to see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need
Want you to see everything
Want you to see all of the lights

(all of the lights)

[Alicia Keys]
Fast cars, shooting stars

[Rihanna & Alicia Keys]
(all of the lights, all of the lights)
Until it's Vegas everywhere we are
(all of the lights, all of the lights)
If you want it you can get it for the rest of your life [x2]

[Kanye West]
Something wrong
I hold my head
MJ gone, our nigga dead!
I slapped my girl, she called the feds
I did that time and spent that bread
I’m heading home, I’m almost there
I’m on my way heading up the stairs
To my surprise a nigga replacing me
I had to take 'em to that ghetto university

All of the lights
Cop lights, flash lights, spot lights
Strobe lights, street lights
All of the lights
All of the lights
Fast life, drug life
Thug life, rock life
Every night
(all of the lights)

[Rihanna]
Turn up the lights in here, baby
Extra bright, I want y'all to see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need
Want you to see everything
Want you to see all of the lights

[Kanye West]
Restraining order
Can’t see my daughter
Her mother, brother, grandmother hate me in that order
Public visitation
We met at Borders
Told her she take me back
I’ll be more supportive
I made mistakes
I bump my head
Courts suck me dry
I spent that bread
She need a daddy
Baby please, can’t let her grow up in that ghetto university

All of the lights
Cop lights, flash lights, spot lights
Strobe lights, street lights
All of the lights
All of the lights
Fast life, drug life
Thug life, rock life
Every night
(all of the lights)

[Rihanna]
Turn up the lights in here, baby
Extra bright, I want y'all to see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need
Want you to see everything
Want you to see all of the lights

[Kid Cudi]
Getting mine, baby
Gotta let these niggas know, yeah
Get it right, ay
You should go and get your own

Getting mine, baby
Gotta let these niggas know, yeah
Get it right, ay
You should go and get your own

[Fergie]
Unemployment line, credit card declined
Did I not mention I was about to lose my mind?
(my mind, my mind, my mind)
And also was about to do that line
Okay, okay, you know we going all the way this time
(this time, this time, this time)
We going all the way this time
(time, time, time, time)
We going all the way this time

[Alicia Keys]
We going all the way this time

[Rihanna]
We going all the way this time

[Alicia Keys, Rihanna, Drake]
We going all the way this time

[The Dream, Tony Williams, Ryan Leslie, John Legend, Charlie Wilson, Alvin Fields, Ken Lewis]
Turn up the lights in here, baby
Extra bright, I want y'all to see this
Turn up the lights in here, baby
You know what I need, want you to see everything
Want you to see all of the lights

[Alicia Keys & La Roux]
Whoaa-oh-whoa
Whoaa-oh-whoa-oh

[Elton John]
I tried to tell you but all I could say is oh

[Alicia Keys & La Roux]
Whoaa-oh-whoa
Whoaa-oh-whoa-oh

[Elton John]
I tried to tell you but all I could say is oh

[Alicia Keys & La Roux]
Whoaa-oh-whoa
Whoaa-oh-whoa-oh

[Elton John]
I tried to tell you but all I could say is oh

[Alicia Keys & La Roux]
Whoaa-oh-whoa
Whoaa-oh-whoa-oh

[Elton John]
I tried to tell you but all I could say is oh

Music...revisited

2011-11-30T16:59:00.001-07:00

Today's topic is MUSIC. I know it's cheating a little to blog about what my blog challenge is, but A simple blog challenge can't sum up the way I feel about music. Music flows in my veins. I always have a song in my head. When I wake up, it's with lyrics on my lips. I can't go a day without listening to music...and I wouldn't want to. Music is my life. I love listening to it, playing it, and (toying around with) writing it. Anyway... Here is the challenge.

Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?

This is a seriously hard question...mostly because I love music so much, and I have many musicians that inspire and motivate me. SO, I'm going to cheat and name off more than one.

Family--First and foremost are the musicians that are in my family. My dad, my brothers, my uncles, my aunties, my grandparents...I don't think that I would be the same person if I didn't grow up in a musical home. Each of them has inspired me and molded me into a better person.

Fleetwood Mac--I am relatively new to the Fleetwood Mac fan club, but I LOVE their stuff!

Average White Band--A Jazz/Funk band from the 70s. Can't get better than "Cloudy."

Earth Wind & Fire--EWF. They were and are still a musical phenomenon. What else can I say???

IDK who else to put down as of this moment. I have so many musical influences, from Hawaiian music to Rock and Classical.

I would say that if you are a true music lover, it's too hard to pick just one group or artist that is your favorite, because every piece of music has the potential to fundamentally change your life. :)

Here is a song that will get your toes tappin!

Two Blogs in One Night

2011-11-28T23:42:00.001-07:00

Man...I need to learn how to get my readership up! :)

Once again, my roommate is the only one that has noticed that I need to catch up on my blog challenge. :) Thanks Amy. :)

Anywho--since I have done a lot of free writing, I'm moving on to Day 12.

Day 12 – 15 Random Facts about you.

1. I look amazing in the color BLUE.

2. My hair is awesome. Seriously... I don't really know anyone that is wash and wear like me. :)

3. I have an obsession with flashlights. And ball point pens.

4. I just got back from a vacation in Portland. It was AWESOME. :)

5. My feet are my best feature overall. :)

6. I use emoticons ALL THE TIME. :D

7. Things that are sparkly make me happy.

8. My ring size is 12.5.

9. If I could do one thing right now, I would make a chocolate souffle.

10. I secretly love school because I get to learn new things everyday. (Guess the secret's out! ;) )

11. I want to get a new car, but I love Blanche too much to really put effort into the search for one. That, and I am the best procrastinator EVER!

12. Having a post office box makes me feel like an adult.

13. When I was on the plane ride home (from OR) I saw a girl knitting and thought it was amazing. I still like crochet better than knitting, but I thought that was random enough for inclusion in this list.

14. Sometimes I feel like I'm an "animal whisperer." I do really well with animals...and kids for that matter.

15. I was thinking the other day about dreams. Wouldn't it be cool if we transported every night to another dimension through our dreams, and that is why sometimes they are super vivid and stuff? I like to think about things like that in my spare time.

Anyway. I know that I've been sort of a slacker lately, but I promise that I'll be better about posting. Have a great night!

Drinking for 11
by: Mad Caddies

Drinking for eleven, that's just what I do,
When I'm not with you, my heart goes to bed

End of the bar, that's just where I'll be,
Don't try and come find me,
'Cause I'm already dead

With one eye tied upon the open road,
I feel your presence and I can't let it go
It moves so slowly as it creeps into my mind,
Steals every breath I have and leaves my heart behind

I wanna know what you're feeling if you're feeling alone,
I wanna hear if you still care
The last time I remember you was the last time I wasn't scared

When the night starts fadin' and the mornin' arrives,
I wanna still feel you around
Will you creep into my head again and pick me up off the ground?
Once more, tell me what you're fighting for

Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
There's nowhere left to stay

Sometimes I feel like I'm out here all alone,
Just one in a million stuck with no place left to go

Fear steps up to me with every move that I make
Following close behind my soul it wants to take

I wanna know what you're feeling if you're feeling alone,
I wanna hear if you still care
The last time I remember you was the last time I wasn't scared

When the night starts fadin' and the mornin' arrives
I wanna still feel you around
Will you creep into my head again and pick me up off the ground?
Once more, tell me what you're fighting for

Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
There's nowhere left to stay

Drinking for eleven, that's just what I do,
When I'm not with you, my heart goes to bed.

Motivation

2011-11-28T19:09:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about life lately.

What defines success in your life??? Or success in general?

I know there is the 'typical' view of success, but what is success for you?

If you aren't successful are you automatically a failure?

I always thought that success would be marriage, a great job, a big house, a nice car, and raising my own family. Did I mention that I wanted to achieve all of this within the first 25 years of my life?

It may seem to be strange that I would want to do all of that so early in my life--but that is what I wanted, and what I was taught meant success. Not attaining what I perceived as "success" in life meant I was a failure.

Now, I am 27 years old, and I haven't done any of those things. At one point in my life I felt like a failure. A HUGE failure. How could I move forward in life if I was such a huge failure at EVERYTHING I wanted for myself?

However, as I have matured I can honestly say that now I feel accomplished and overall...just GRATEFUL for what I have. I have been able to achieve so much and do so many things that I have always wanted to do. And I still am.

I was talking to a friend of mine and we were discussing things that we have done and things we hope to do in the near future. I'm not really the type of person to make an actual list of things that I want to do during my life, but during this discussion I realized that I have done a lot in my life. I am a successful woman. Even though my culture, religion, and even at times my family and friends have told me that I'm not enough, I know that I am.

I don't know why I'm writing this right now. I felt like it was important...so I'll leave you with a thought.

Discovering and achieving your dreams is not easy. You may not always be the best at whatever you are doing. You may not be following the "success timeline" you or someone else has set up for your life. However, it is never too late to find what you are passionate about. It is never too late to live your life.

Life is here for the living. We aren't meant to whittle our time away because we are afraid or because we don't think we have the ability to attain our dreams. If you want to do something, do it. If you want to go somewhere, go! Life is too short to limit yourself because of fear. Success is achieving your dreams. But happiness and fulfillment are found in the journey.

Get out there and start LIVING YOUR DREAMS!!!

Instead of lyrics, here is a little something from one of my favorite websites holstee.

Radio

2011-10-02T20:26:00.001-06:00

I

am

so

EXCITED!

:)

In just a week or so, I will start training for my first ever RADIO show! :) I am SO excited. I can't even start to tell you. It's going to be epic! Me and my friend Susi will be featured in a show called "Island Fever" on KTIM, which is a grassroots community radio station here is Southern Utah. It's going to be EPIC. Seriously. When we start doing podcasts, I'll let you guys know. :)

Anyway, today was a day for learning things. I learned how to put up a large banner with stakes and zip ties. I also learned how to make a ringtone from music files! :) I made one today from one of my favorite video games, Bust-A-Groove, called Kitty-N's theme. Check it out. It's AMAZING. Anyway, I made it on a website called Myxer. It's pretty awesome! :)

Anyway, General Conference was amazing. I don't think I've ever had more spiritual guidance in a conference before. :)

Have a great week!

Weekend

2011-09-19T20:07:00.002-06:00

Aloha!!!
How have you all been? Here, life has been pretty awesome and crazy and stressful, and overall... life! :) This weekend was the Young Single Adult Conference for our stake.

It was...AMAZING. More than amazing. I just posted this on my facebook, but it was a life-changing experience. I went to the conference with a lot on my plate and a lot of questions. I left with a light heart and a happy feeling. I haven't really felt that happy in a LONG time.

I am just SO grateful for this life. I am grateful for the love that is shown to me, even though I know I don't deserve it most days.

I took a personality test the other day with my brothers, and I was faced with the Karyn that they have known their entire life. It wasn't pretty. I would be lying if I said that their portrayal of me and the clarity in which they have seen me in the past wasn't hurtful. However, it was true.

Too true.

I have made a resolution to try to be better. I don't want people to think I'm critical of them, or that I won't listen to them if they need me.

This weekend was the best place to see that I need to focus on what really matters. I get so...distracted by things that are so trivial. I need to take a step back and refocus my life.

A really good friend of mine is moving this week to Vegas for a job.

I am SUPER happy for him. He has been looking for a while and is going to start working at a company that offers really good opportunities for advancement.

BUT, I am WAY sad about it...even though it's only 2 hours away. I guess what really makes me sad is that I can't just drop by his place or tell him to come over to hang out. He's rambunctious and loud, but he's also really fun and we have the awesomest conversations about stuff. lol.

It's such a mixture of emotions, but I keep coming back to happy. I'm glad that he has this opportunity, and that he's moving forward with life. :)

Anywho. Life is good, and will keep getting better. I just need to get back to the basics. :)

Okay. I don't listen to a lot of country, but this one is for Chris - who played this on his iPhone three times this past weekend. lol. I think he likes it, but I can't be sure. ;)

Enjoy!

New Life

2011-09-15T18:49:00.001-06:00

Lately I have been...

Hmm... I can't really think of the right word. Stretched thin? Over-extended?

Anyway. You get what I mean.

When I get like this (and it does happen from time to time) I try to avoid people because if you have known me for any length of time, I tend to be ... unpleasant. Grumpy. Cantankerous. (lol)

However, when you have someone who is typically in a good mood and really happy and doing what they are supposed to as your roommate (I'm talking about you, Amy), it is nearly impossible to have a bad day or to be in a bad mood for any length of time.

In fact, I find myself intrigued, enlightened, and amused at the smallest and least likely of things. It's been really cool. For instance, I made a calendar AGES ago for work, and the color combination I created on October 7th is phenomenal. It's like a spring green, orangey-pink and golden rod. It's seriously amazing.

What really inspired this blog though happened last night after a birthday party I went to. My good friend Wyatt was there playing volleyball, and he stopped playing the game and hugged me. He also told me that he missed having me around and that he wished I would make more of an effort to be a part of our social group again.

I was seriously surprised. I didn't think that it really made that much of a difference to people if I was around or not. I have been buried in school, and make that excuse to people when they ask me about where I've been, but it was nice.

Another thing happened last night that was cool too. My roomie came to my office (where I was doing homework) and just chilled with me until I was done. So, as we were sitting in the office, I finished a particularly difficult piece of my accounting homework and exclaimed, "I am amazing!"

Do you know what she said?

"It took you that long to figure that out?"

Not only was that super cool of her to say that, but it made me think.

I think I undervalue myself.

I mean...I'm not trying to be cocky or arrogant. However, I do "have a particular set of skills" (movie quote?) that I think are unique and are valuable. I think I'm pretty awesome at what I do. People come and ask me for things, and I can give them what they ask for. How fantastic is that?

I guess what I really want to say is...THANK YOU. Thanks to friends and family that support me, and inspire me to be better, and that love me unconditionally. This week I have definitely needed it, and you all have delivered beautifully.

Now, this song is the EXACT opposite of what I just said, but it has been in my head, so here you go:

2011-09-03T02:34:00.000-06:00

I am an optimist.

I always like to look on the bright side of things. I guess I figure that it's too depressing to be pessimistic all the time. I do have pessimistic moments...I will actually seek out the worst case scenario, plan for it, and then hope for the best case scenario to happen. :)

I suppose that makes me a cautious optimist. lol.

Anyway. The reason I am writing this is because of one thing. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

People are sometimes bad and mean. They are sometimes hurtful and violent. However, I believe in the goodness of people. I believe that if you give someone a chance to prove themselves as a good and honest person, that they will.

Some people see this point of view as naive or foolish. Trust me, I know how it sounds. Rest assured that I will always have the little planner in my head preparing me for the worst case scenario. However, most of me will trust people until they prove that they aren't trustworthy. Even then, I will give people second, third, even fourth chances.

I don't know exactly how I learned this, but I think I get it from my dad. He is one of the most forgiving and friendly people I know. I have seen people do some pretty messed up things to my dad, and he just lets it roll off his shoulders. I think I also get some of it from my mom...who invariably puts up with us (her family) even though sometimes we say or do things that are really hurtful towards her.

If you have read past posts I have written about my family, you will know that I consider myself the "black sheep" of the family. I have always gone my own way. I make my friends my family... especially when I am away from my actual family (like I am now). My brothers seem content to have their wives and kids, and that's it. I'm not sure if I would be that way.

However, I think that fact is the reason I am so forgiving of my friends. When they hurt me, when they betray me, etc. I forgive them...because that is what you do when it's your family.

I may not have the most perfect home life, and I never claimed I was anywhere near perfect. However, I DO think I have this right.

Forgiveness (is more than saying sorry! ;) What movie???) is something I am good at. Not only forgiving, but forgetting as well. I think there is a reason I have a leaky sieve for a brain. I can't remember stuff to save my life. (As is surely frustrating for everyone around me. Sorry. I can't help it.) I do remember love though. I love my family. I love my friends. I even love perfect strangers.

I know that there are bad people out there. I consider myself a pretty good judge of character, so don't worry. I won't be playing the martyr and getting myself into trouble with people that are sketchy.

I do know one thing though. People deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Challenge this week--trust someone. It might turn sour, I know... but maybe, just maybe you'll be surprised at the awesomeness that ensues.

The Case of the Missing Blogger

2011-09-01T21:08:00.002-06:00

Wow. It's been what? Months?

You may be wondering where I've been, or what I've been doing.

Truthfully, I don't have anything super entertaining to tell you. I started my Bachelor's program and I honestly think that if I write another paper, I'll explode.

Wait for it...

Here it comes......

Huh. Nothing. I guess I can go on.

I have to write so much for school that it makes writing for fun much less appealing. However, because I love you all and because I am procrastinating some homework tonight, I am going to write a blog post. :)

I can see the excitement in your eyes. lol. Hopefully I will be able to live up to all of your blogging expectations!

A lot has happened in the past three months...and yet it has gone by so quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was starting my first class, and now it's been 16 weeks and I'm in my fourth class.

I don't know how to describe to you the feeling of accomplishing something that I never thought was possible. I never thought that I would ever get my degree, and here I am--about 16 months away from achieving that goal. It's pretty cool.

Of course it isn't all fun and games. I'm tired. Like all the time. I think I have carpal tunnel from typing at a desk all day, and I'm pretty sure my eyes are starting to go.

It's all for the cause I guess. :S When I'm blind and unable to move my hands, my degree will keep me warm at night. :)

Work hasn't been too shabby either. Truth be told, I think I'm more frustrated with things now than I have EVER been, but it's manageable, and my boss is cool about confrontation, so I get to put in my 2 cents.

Have I ever told you that I love confrontation??? That and awkward moments. :) Give me an awkward moment, and I'll give you a big high five!!!

Oh, and musically, I have been exploring. It's been pretty awesome. Lately I have been listening to a lot of house, funk, electronic, and reggae. Oh, and oldies. So many oldies. I love oldies. Anything from the 90s and older... preferably from the 70s.

I really do love the 70s. Such great music, fashion, design...everything about the 70s is inspiring to me.

Anyway.

I think this is where I'll stop for tonight. I really need to do homework, and then it's off to bed for me. Tomorrow morning is do or die time. I find out tomorrow morning if the new battery I bought fixed my car or not.

Here's hoping!

---

Feels Like Home
by: Randy Newman

There's something in your eyes,
Makes me want to lose myself,
Makes me want to lose myself, in your arms.
There's something in your voice,
Makes my heart beat fast.
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life.

If you knew how lonely my life has been,
And how long I've been so alone.
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come a - long,
And change my life the way you've done.

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from.
It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.

A window breaks down a long dark street,
And a siren wails, in the night.
But I'm all right, 'cause I have you here with me.
And I can almost see through the dark there's light.

If you knew how much this moment means to me,
And how long I've waited for your touch.
And if you knew how happy you are ma - king me,
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much.

It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from.
It feels like home to me, feels like home to me,
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.

How today has been...

2011-06-16T15:39:00.017-06:00

Have you ever felt like someone must be playing a prank on you??? I wouldn't be surprised if Ashton Kutcher came out and punk'd me right now. lol.

---

Without You
by: Pure Heart

Been a little restless since you left me.
Been thinking about all the things you've said.
And even though they say that lovin don't come easy--
Still I thought it would be different for me.

Oh you know mama, she said don't do it on your own.
But even mama needed help now and then

And I don't know if I can go any further
Without you in my life
And I don't know why the hell I even bother
Without you by my side.
Without you by my side.

Said everyone needs a hand to guide them,
but oh sometime pride gets in the way.
And my god it seems at times I'm going crazy...
still I gotta just take it day by day.

Oh you know Moses, he didn't do it on his own.
And even Daniel needed help out the den.

And I don't know if I can go any further
Without you in my life
And i don't know why the hell I even bother
Without you by my side.
Without you by my side.

Said everyone needs a hand to guide them,
but oh sometime pride gets in the way.
And my god it seems at times I'm going crazy...
still I gotta just take it day by day.

Oh you know Moses, he didn't do it on his own.
And even Daniel needed help out the den.

And I don't know if I can go any further
Without you in my life
And i don't know why the hell I even bother
Without you by my side.
Without you by my side.

Long time coming.

2011-06-14T21:57:00.045-06:00

Wow.

I know. It's been FOREVER. Truthfully...I haven't really had a lot to say. I mean, how many times should I go over how tough school is, or how frustrating work can be? I've been trying to be more positive, so I haven't wanted to blog about that stuff.

However, I also haven't really had a lot of good going on either. Until this last week.

So it started out like any other week. I went to work...and was working on school.

On Tuesday, I made the decision t start Weight Watchers. I have been looking for a way to discipline myself, and it has been good so far. :)

On Wednesday...well. It was an interesting day. I went into work and started on some projects. Sporadically throughout my day I'll take mini breaks to refresh my perspective. These breaks can include Facebook, surfing design sites, downloading fonts... you know. Whatever I feel like doing.

Anyway. I was on Facebook, and I get a friend request from a guy from my hometown. He was good friends with my older bro, so I was like--awesome. So, I added him. In 5 mins he was messaging me, and asked me if I was married or dating someone. Within 30 mins, he had told me he had a crush on me in high school, and had given me his number and asked me to call him.
I'm not going to lie. It sort of freaked me out.

Don't get me wrong. He was nice when we were younger, and I'm sure he's still a nice guy. I guess I'm just not used to guys being so direct with me. I don't know if I'll ever call him... mostly because I have a lot of stuff to sort out in my life before I get into any relationship. ALso--I don't really know him that well, so it would be hard for me to even consider dating. AND--my brothers told me some stuff about guys that has stuck with me through the years. Anyway.

I was flattered, but it also got me thinking. Where am I at in the "relationship" arena? Am I ready to get in the game, or am I still nursing that "old injury" and benching myself? Have I outgrown the game? Have I let myself go?

I guess that is really what I have been thinking about lately. When am I going to take control of my life again? When will simply "getting by" not be enough? I think that I'm starting to take a positive move forward.

I'm just taking life one step at a time.

---

This song has been stuck in my head. Not applicable to anything really...just a nice song. :)

How Do I Live
by: LeAnn Rimes

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?

Tumblr and Life.

2011-04-15T17:49:00.002-06:00

So, I am a recent user of Tumblr.

By recent I mean for a couple weeks.

And by user I mean I randomly post things on it.

It is so much more simple to post on Tumblr than it is to post a blog. It takes little to no brain power at all...whereas it takes me at least a couple of days to build up the motivation to blog. Oh well. Here I am. :)

Moving along...

I logged into school to see what my overall grade for the Math class I took was. This is what I found:

I'll admit--it wasn't my finest hour. In fact--if you can find someone who can teach themselves math, getting it 100% right the first time, I would like to meet them. BUT it is a passing grade, and I'll take what I can get when it comes to ~~the bane of my existence~~ math. This was the last class for me to get my Associates and move forward into my Bachelors program, so I'm glad that I passed and that I did pretty well on my final. :) Gotta love school, right???

On another note--

I've been saving up and I'm in the market for a computer. I'm looking to convert to Mac...aka Apple, because it's supposedly better for people who design. Having never used a Mac before, I don't know what the big deal is...but every single person I have talked to has recommended a Mac to me. I may be a little behind on the times, but I think I'll take the leap into the 21st century. :) Here is the one I want:

Isn't it pretty???

I haven't really decided on where I want to get it...but I like it a lot. I have been getting "hook-ups" with programs and stuff, so I think I'm headed down the right path...since everything is working out so well. :)

Anyways. I don't really have anything else to say...I made a garland for our house. It's way cute. :) lol. Okay. here are your lyrics. :) I LOVE Keri Hilson. :) She has a fab voice, and she's way pretty. :) I like this video. Look it up. :)

Enjoy your weekend!!!

Pretty Girl Rock
by: Keri Hilson

Uh uh uh ah uh uh
I can do the pretty girl rock, rock
Rock to the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Now what's your name

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my, it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's with you
I don't gotta talk about it baby you can see it
But if you want I'll be happy to repeat it

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my, it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry, looking at my derrière
And you can stare but if you touch it Imma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's with you
I can talk about it 'cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault, so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Aye, now do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock

(Now where you at)
If your looking for me you can catch me (that's why)
Cameras flashing, daddy turned his head just as soon as I passed him
Girls think I'm conceited 'cause I know I'm attractive
Don't worry about what I think, why don't you ask him? (owoaah!)

Get yourself together, don't hate (never do it)
Jealousy is the ugliest trait (don't, never do it)
I can talk about it 'cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Doing the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock
Do the pretty girl rock, rock

All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Get along with your pretty girl rock, rock, rock
Still show me your pretty girl rock, rock, rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock, rock, rock

Sing it with me now
All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk, the way I drip
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

Owoahaha!

The past week!

2011-04-03T19:29:00.000-06:00

Hello, hello!

Life has a funny way of cramming all the things that need to be done all into one clump of time. That is how this last week has been for me. I hate to keep giving you excuses as to why I'm not really writing a lot, but it really is because I have been inordinately busy lately! :S

Anyway. I happen to have a spare moment now before I start working on my homework for the day. :)

SO this last week was my birthday. :) It was pretty awesome. I ended up having a birthday dinner with a bunch of friends at one of my favorite restaurants--Benja's Thai Garden. :) The party was planned by my awesome friends Susi and Amy. :)It was cool to just hang out and talk with a bunch of my friends.

Also on my birthday I got to go to the funeral of one of the Hawaiian "aunties" here in town--Aunty Dustie. I never really got to talk very much to her, but she always had a smile for me. :)

Anyway--the funeral was really nice. I think I've become a little "desensitized" to funerals. There was a point in time where I was going to funerals around once every other week--resulting in me not really getting emotional or weepy at a funeral.

I guess that's beside the point, but I was glad I went. I know the family pretty well. They are always sort of stoic and polite, but at the funeral they were so emotional. I couldn't help but to feel the loss they had just experienced. It was such a beautiful service.

Life is so fragile. I have a lot of friends that come to me for advice--and I find myself telling them to LIVE their lives and find what makes them happiest. Our lives are here for us to experience them. We should go and do those things that make us happy. We should spend our time with the people we love and care about.

I am so glad I got that reminder. :)

Moving right along--here is the challenge for the day:

Day 10 – A photo of your favorite place to eat.

My favorite place to eat is a subject of dispute. Some people would say that my favorite food is sushi, some people think it's Thai food...and some people think my favorite food is hamburgers. I happen to LOVE food in general...but my favorite place to eat is a little hole in the wall called Hayashi's You Make the Roll in Kona, HI. :)

DELISH!!! :)

Anyway--This weekend I got to go see my grandma. :) She is so awesome! :) I totally needed a break and it was awesome to be able to get out of town and chill with my fam. :)

Anywho--here is the song for the day. I hope that you all have a great week. :) Hopefully I will be blogging more than once a week, but no promises. :) Have a good one!

Stay With Me
by: Faces

In the mornin' don't say you love me,
'Cause I'll only kick you out of the door
I know your name is Rita 'cause your perfume's smellin' sweeter
Since when I saw you down on the floor.

Won't need to much pursuadin'
I don't mean to sound degradin',
But with a face like that you got nothin' to laugh about.
Red lips, hair and fingernails,
I hear you're a mean old Jezebel
Lets go up stairs and read my Tarot cards

Stay with me, stay with me
For tonight you'd better stay with me
Stay with me, stay with me
For tonight you'd better stay with me

So, in the mornin', please don't say you love me
'Cause you know I'll only kick you out the door
Yeah, I'll pay your cab fare home, you can even use my best cologne,
Just don't be here in the mornin' when I wake up

Stay with me, stay with me
For tonight you'd gonna stay with me
Sit down, get up, get out.

Two Videos and an Opinion

2011-03-25T12:29:00.000-06:00

If any of you have been reading or have know me for any length of time--you will know that I'm not one to go "political" on someone. I rarely take an absolute stand on politics...because truthfully, I like to be able to analyze things and decide if it resonates with truth as I know it. If my position shifts on something, I like to be able to reevaluate where I stand with things.

Of course there are things that I do believe firmly in--but that is for another discussion.

Today I want to talk briefly about our president--Barack Obama.

I'm not necessarily against him, but I don't like how he has been representing/leading our country.

Yes, he's from Hawaii. Yes, he's African American. Believe me when I say that I was even surprised that I didn't like him.

Plain and simple--I don't like his politics. I don't like how shady he is about his past. I don't see the big deal with the whole "birth certificate" thing. I was watching a video that was taken from "The View" where Donald Trump was calling Obama out to show us the original B.C. and it erupted into chaos! Everyone was yelling--Whoopi was going off about Hawaii being a state, everyone else was hard to hear because they were screeching like outraged chickens, and Barbara was trying to make it a 20/20 interview.

If you ask me, and most of you didn't/never really will... but if you did--I would tell you that when you are talking about your leaders, it should be with respect and calm. The person you decide to be your leader shouldn't confuse you or make you feel insecure. They shouldn't incite arguments and dissension within "the ranks". A Good leader should bring order. They can definitely stir the pot--in fact, they should stir the pot, but they should do it in a diplomatic and fair way. They should keep their word and lead with an even hand.

I can't say that Obama has done any of that for me. If anything since he has become the president I've actually QUESTIONED my citizenship in this great country. I've been more fearful of my future than I have ever been. I love America. I LOVE this country. I am NOT in love with our leaders.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Obama. From what I can gather (as I don't know him personally...) he is an educated, savvy person that is very charismatic. I just wish his agenda wasn't based on fear or confusion. I want a leader with a transparent agenda. Even if they are against what I believe in politically, it doesn't matter to me. I want to know where you stand. I want to see what you are trying to get at. Don't play games. Don't make me guess at where we are headed as a country.

I want change. I want to make a difference. I may not have the resources that Obama has, but I would hope that whoever our next president will be (because we DO need one--for all my anarchist friends/readers out there...we really do) that he or she will lead us away from the chaos and get us started to rebuild the country.

I know many people love Obama. I don't know if I love him. I do respect him for what he has accomplished. I would respect him more if he fit the "bill" that I have measured him against, but I don't really know if there is anyone who fits that at the moment.

There are so many things I want to say...and so many things that are on my mind. I'm even at the point where I'm getting teary eyed and emotional just trying to proof read this. lol.

Okay Karyn. Let's get to the point.

I guess the bottom line is that we need to change. We need to become better and expect more of our leaders. We need to rise against the fear and confusion and seek out calm and peace. We need to love each other more and hate each other less. We need to stop lying and cheating each other out of stuff and be more charitable. We all can make a difference. We all can make the changes that we are looking for happen.

I'm sorry if this is disjointed. It started because of one video and its ending because of another. I didn't want to post the Trump/View video because it was so negative. So, I decided to post another one. This video was shared with me by my holistic healer--Cat. There are a lot of things that I agree with in this video, as well as some stuff that I’m not too sure about. Nevertheless, I'm posting it because the overall message is what I wanted to share. I hope you watch it. I hope you think about it.

No Challenge today. My challenge to you is to look at this and let me know what you think.

Why I love my Dad.

2011-03-23T16:54:00.000-06:00

I have been at a loss for the last two weeks.

I had a song stuck in my head and I didn't know any of the words.

Usually if I have a song stuck in my head, I can find the lyrics by mentally going over the parts I have of the song, picking out key lyrics and Googling them. However, this was NOT the case with this song. I had some lyrics but I KNEW they were wrong...so it just circled and circled in my head.

FOR TWO WEEKS!!!

"Like a splinter in your mind..." (what movie??? lol)

Anyway, one call to my Dad...who is the most amazing musician I know (so of course he knows EVERY song in the universe...well that's how it feels. :) ), and I got the song.

Just like that!

I hummed the tune to him with the iconic "la, la, la, la" on the end and he knew exactly what song had been haunting me for two weeks.

AMAZING!

I wish I was that awesome. I have a slice of it...as I am his daughter...but he has the whole cake. :)

There are more reasons why I love my Dad...I could probably write an Encyclopaedia Britannica with all the reasons why I love my Dad...but always being able to rely on him for the small things is probably one of the #1 reasons. :)

Moving right along...here is the challenge for today:

Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.

The A1 Steakhouse Burger
from Applebees!

Sad day that this was the last thing I purchased...but oh well. It was delightful! :) Go Applebees!!!

Thanks for joining us today at "you're a sword." :) Enjoy the smooth sultry lyrics of the song that haunted me for the past two weeks AND that inspired me to blog today. :) PEACE!!!

Poetry Man
by: Phoebe Snow

You make me laugh
'Cause your eyes they light the night
They look right through me
You bashful boy
You're hiding something sweet
Please give it to me yeah, to me

Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the poetry man
You make things all rhyme

You are a genie
All I ask for is your smile
Each time I rub the lamp
When I am with you
I have a giggling teenage crush
Then I'm a sultry vamp, yeah sultry vamp

Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the poetry man
You make things all right, yeah, yeah

Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the poetry man
You make things all right, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah

So, once again
It's time to say so long
And so recall the cull of life
You're going home now
Home's that place somewhere you go each day
To see your wife, to see your wife

Talk to me some more
You know that you don't have to go
You're the poetry man
You make things all right, yeah

Talk to me some more
You don't have to go
You're the poetry man
You make things all right

Moo! D

2011-03-20T19:05:00.000-06:00

Day 8 – A song to match your mood.

Always Be My Baby
by: Mariah Carey

Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
Do do doop do doop da dum

Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
Do do doop do doop da dum

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
'Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on and on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
Do do doop do doop da dum

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave boy
I will not stand in your way

But inevitably you'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart babe
Our love will never end, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on and on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling,'cause you'll always be my baby

(I know that you'll be back boy)
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh
(I know that)
You'll be right back, baby
Well, baby believe me it's only a matter of time, time

You'll always be apart of me
And I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on and on
(And we will linger on and on)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
(Ooh baby)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

You'll always be apart of me
And I'm part of you indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
(No, no)

(You and I will always be)
And we'll linger on and on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
(You and I)
No way you're never gonna shake me
(You and I)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

(You and I will always be)
Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
(No way your never gonna shake me)
Do do doop dum
(No way your never gonna shake me)
Do do doop do doop da dum

(You and I will always be)
Do do doop
Do do doop do doop da dum
Do do doop dum
(No matter what you do baby)
Do do doop do doop da dum

The Key to Success?

2011-03-19T00:45:00.000-06:00

So, I've been super sick the past two days. It's alright. I've actually have been WAY productive. I paid off a bill, went grocery shopping, learned to make soup, decorated my bedroom, did homework (and understood it) and started playing Guitar Hero. lol. I know the last one isn't necessarily something to be proud of...lol.

Anyway. I came to the conclusion--is being sick the key to success for me??? I seem to get a TON more done when I don't work. Isn't that weird??? I have to work to pay bills and to LIVE..but truthfully, work is a necessary evil. ;)

If it were up to me--I would never have to work. I would LOVE to be able to move forward with my life and travel all around...or to do something that I wouldn't see as work...that would be even better. well...maybe that would be a bad idea. I like to be busy too. I like having a routine and being able to have deadlines and projects. :) lol.

I don't really know what I want. I just want to be happy. :)

Anyway. I guess I should keep going with my challenge...

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

Hmm. This is a hard one. I don't really know what my dream wedding would be because it would change depending on who I marry. I have the broad strokes of what I want...I want to marry in the temple to a worthy preisthood holder. I know I want my family there...and I want to have a reception in Hawaii...but really, after that I don't really know.

Anywho.

She Works Hard For The Money
by: Donna Summer

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

Onetta there in the corner stand
and wonders where she is and
it's strange to her
some people seem to have everything

Nine a.m. on the hour hand
and she's waiting for the bell
and she's looking real pretty
just wait for her clientele

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

Twenty five years have
come and gone
and she' seen a lot of tears
of the ones who come in
they really seem to need her there

It's a sacrifice working day to day
for little money just tips for pay
But it's worth it all
just to hear them say that they care

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

She already knows
she's seen her bad times
she already knows
these are the good times

She'll never sell out
she never will
not for a dollar bill
she works hard

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

She works hard for the money
so hard for it honey
she works hard for the money
so you better treat her right

Forget you! ;)

2011-03-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to memorize a song. Something you should know about me is that I am really awesome at memorizing songs. Like...really good. I listen to the song enough and can recompose the song in my mind...drum beats, back up singers...whatever. lol. I guess I would be REALLY awesome if I knew how to write all that information into music...but I can't. :) It's all god though. I have more than enough songs in my mind to keep me happily entertained for years to come. :)

Challenge for the day:

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

---

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted a...

Polar Bear! :)

I love Love LOVE polar bears. I don't really know what it is about them that is so awesome to me...but when I saw the Golden Compass (which I recommend...almost as good as the book) I was SO jealous! ;) Well... he wasn't really a pet, but he did pledge his allegiance to the girl...so same thing right?

Moving right along. :) I started working out this week. I need to stay on track this time...if for nothing else than the fact that working out regulates my moods and keeps me happy. :) This isn't the first time I've attempted to have a "work out program," but this IS the first time that I have actually been able to find a way to have fun with it, so wish me luck! :)

Anyway. Life is pretty awesome. Last night I made curry chicken and mashed butternut squash. It was SOOO good. Seriously. I have never cooked squash or curry before and it ended up being AMAZING! ;) Seriously though. It was good. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything. It was really delicious. lol.

Okay. I'll end it before I go overboard about how much of a WONDERFUL cook I am. ;)

Lovefool
by:The Cardigans

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!

So I cry, and I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me

So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

(anything but you)

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

Of course!

2011-03-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

Something you all should know about me is that I have no problem saying no to someone if they ask me for something I don't either have to ability to do or the motivation to do. Some people have a hard time saying no...but I have never struggled with it.

However, lately I have been asked by many different people to do a lot of design stuff. I like doing design...don"t get me wrong. BUT, it's been really overwhelming. I have so much to do and so little time. One of these days I'll catch up. I hope. :S

Here is the challenge for today:

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

A GLORIOUS picture of me. :) You're welcome!!!

Anywho. Here's the song for today. :)

Don't You Want Me
by: Human League

You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
When I met you
I picked you out, I shook you up, and turned you around
Turned you into someone new
Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet
Success has been so easy for you
But don't forget it's me who put you where you are now
And I can put you back down too

Don't, don't you want me?
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me

It's much too late to find
You think you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry

Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
That much is true
But even then I knew I'd find a much better place
Either with or without you
The five years we have had have been such good times
I still love you
But now I think it's time I lived my life on my own
I guess it's just what I must do

Don't, don't you want me?
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me

It's much too late to find
You think you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry

Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me oh

Nostalgic Mountain

2011-02-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today's challenge was difficult because it was supposed to be a picture of my best friend. Well, I have a bunch of best friends, so I made a collage. Of course this is only a small sampling as I don't have pictures of everyone. :)

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend(s).

I LOVE these people... and I love these pictures!!! :) Good times!!!!!

Anyway. today was pretty cool. We got a new director at work. I'm pretty stoked. I think he'll be awesome. :) Anyway. I have to get going. More on life later. Take care of you!!!!!

Victory
by: Trampled by Turtles

All of us lonely, it ain't a sin
to want something better, then the shape your in.
The rain came at the break of day
your light in the window pane, said come on in.

It's a broken heart babe, I know the sound
Feels like your hands, are nailed to the ground,
but it'll pass just like everything else.
You won't let it get to me, the next time around

It's a hard earned victory
The life that came from you to me
Could never be wrong

Grown from a moment and a million miles
Here lies the stardust and it slowly dies
Borrowed from nothing come back half alive,
and the stars the whisper blessings as you walk by

Post it

2011-02-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

This is not a challenge blog. I am compiling things for that. I just thought I would get on here and say...

I'm sorry. :'(

Behind in...

2011-02-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

Aloha All!

Well, I'm behind...in EVERYTHING! I've been fighting off whatever sickness is going around as well as trying to get a decent grade in my newest math class. It's been stressful, but it's all good. I like taking classes one at a time. It makes me feel like I'm actually able to absorb everything. :)

Anyway...this is a couple of days late, but here is the challenge:

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

My perfect date would be August 25, because its not too hot not too cold...all you need is a light jacket. ;)

Just kidding. (what movie???)

Hmm. I'm not really the romantic type, so I guess my perfect date would be a barbecue at his house with a bunch of friends and games. :) I just really like hanging out with people...and what better way to bring people together than a good old fashioned BBQ??? ;)

Anywho.

Life has been...fascinating to say the least. There have been a lot of stuff going down. I guess I shouldn't have complained about life being boring, because there is just a lot going on now. lol. It will be interesting to see how it all works out.

I guess since Valentines was a couple of days ago that it's safe for me to talk about my love life without being lumped into that category...you know. The one where people talk about love because it's "in the air" or whatever. lol. IDK what I'm saying really, but here it goes.

I thought that I had everything figured out. I really thought that I was in a good place with love and what I wanted out of life in regards to a relationship, etc. It seems that things always seem to get shot to hell when I'm comfortable. (sorry. I don't now how else to say it...) Maybe I just need to make it a habit to never have opinions or set ideas about things because they always change.

Love (in this instance aka "like," "lust," and "infatuation") is a lot like a storm. When you're in the middle of it, sometimes it's hard to think that there is anything around you that is more important that what is happening to you right at that moment. Sometimes it's so thick in there that you fail to see things that are right in front of you. Sometimes we choose to not see it. Like the ostrich, we stick out heads in the sand and try to wait any problems out..Hoping against all hope that it will all settle down into a comfortable place ans that we can continue on as we did before.

Unfortunately it isn't true. It's there and it's real (in most cases). However, we need to remind ourselves that there are things that are bigger and more important than our little "storm." I've been caught up in a storm. I've ignored the signs around me that there was danger. I have been that ostrich. Sticking my head in the ground so that I don't have to face the truth.

Sometimes we have to pull out heads out and take a breath of fresh air to get perspective.

Some people say that love makes the world go around. I don't know if I believe that is true. Love is a strong emotion, and through great emotion we can accomplish a lot. But for me...love doesn't make the world move. Love isn't what makes me want to live day to day. I feel like that girl in that movie that says, "I don't feel anything about love."

I know I haven't always felt that way.

I know that I won't feel like this forever.

But it's how I feel today. Not in a depressed, "My life sucks" kind of way. It's more like just a statement of the facts.

Is it bad to feel apathetic right now??? Huh.

Anyway.

Meant To Live
by: Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

I'm hungry... :S

2011-02-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

Aloha. :)

So, this post is sort of perfect becuase as of this moment, I am extremely hungry. lol.

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Delicious! :)

Have you ever had this cereal??? A lot of people would probably say that it is tasteless. It's not really. It has a nutty-fiber flavor... and it's good for my digestive system so it's a

WIN :)

So anyway...

Today was pretty cool. I had a TON of work to do which was a nice change. It's always a good day when I can actually work. I hate being BORED all the time... so yeah.

I cooked tacos last night. :) It was awesome. lol. Also got a job from my friend Mark to design a postcard. I'm pretty stoked about it...even if I haven't exactly worked on it as hard as I should.

Overall a good day. I should have a new boss soon. Don't know how I feel about that yet.

Ice Box
by: Omarion, feat. Timbaland

Fussin' an? fightin', we back at it again
I know that it's my fault but you don't understand
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothin' like the girl I used to know

Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my friends
I should try to decide, wanna let you in
That means memories and it's crazy
You ain't nothin' like the girl I used to know

Girl, I really wanna work this out 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said, I really wanna work this out, yo girl, I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse

But I got this ice box where my heart used to be
But I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

But I got this ice box where my heart used to be
Said I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

Why can't I get it right? Just can't let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won't feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothin' like the girl I used to know

Don't mean to take it out on you, baby, but I can't help it
'Cause my heart is in the same ol' condition that baby left it
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/o/omarion-lyrics/ice-box-lyrics.html]
And I, I apologize for makin' you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won't do me the same

Girl, I really wanna work this out 'cause I'm tired of fightin'
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said, I really wanna work this out, yo girl, I'm tryin'
It's no excuse, no excuse

But I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I got this ice box where my heart used to be
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold, cold world
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl

I don't wanna be stuck up in this cold, cold world
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl
Don't wanna mess this up, better keep your eye on me, girl

Starting

2011-02-09T15:49:00.001-07:00

Okay. So I know I was supposed to start the challenge FOREVER ago. Truthfully I wanted to hold off to see if someone would notice that I haven't started. The only person that brought it up was my roommate...so I guess that's a little comforting. ;) lol. Anyway, here goes the first day of the challenge. :)

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

Here is the photo of me. I was just going to post the picture on the right...but people usually get mad at me because I always make faces in pictures. SO I posted both. Personally I like the one where I'm making face. At least you can see my eyes. ;) Because my eyelashes slant downwards and my cheeks are cheeky...My eyes look closed when I smile. lol.

Anyway. Today I am feeling...happy for the most part. I was on facebook earlier and I came across THIS VIDEO. It makes me feel...well blessed for sure. But it also gives me hope. It's hard to believe that there are people like this that are out there. People who think nothing of themselves and who love and serve the people around them. My favorite quote from the vid is:

"Food is one part. Love is another part. So, the food will give them physical nutrition. The love and affection which you show, will give them mental nutrition."
-Narayanan Krishnan

How amazing is that? Not only is he giving to people on a daily basis...but he is showing them the love and respect that they deserve. SO INSPIRATIONAL!!! I would love to take part in something like that. Hmm... Maybe I'll look into it; :)

This week is the first week of my last class for my associates degree. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm WAY stoked about it. I think it'll be awesome! :) I can't believe how close I am to having a degree. LOL.

Song for the day is one that makes me smile. :) Enjoy!!!

Beautiful Life
by: Ace of Base

You can do what you want just seize the day
What you're doing tomorrow's gonna come your way
Don't you ever consider givin' up, you will find, oooh

It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
I just wanna be here beside you
And stay until the break of dawn

Take a walk in the park when you feel down
There's so many things there
That's gonna lift you up
See the nature in bloom a laughing child
Such a dream, oooh

It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
I just wanna be here beside you
I just wanna be here beside you
And stay until the break of dawn

You're looking for somewhere to belong
You're standing all alone
For someone to guide you on your way
Now and Forever

It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
It's a beautiful life, oh oh ooo
I just wanna be anybody

Living in different ways
It's a beautiful life
I'm gonna take you to a place I've never been
Before oh yeah
It's a beautiful life
I'm gonna take you in my arms and fly away
With you tonight

It's a beautiful life, oooh
It's a beautiful life, oooh

It's a beautiful life, oooh
It's a beautiful life, oooh
It's a beautiful life, oooh
It's a beautiful life

Revelation

2011-02-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

Okay.

So I know that I have been lame about blogging. Truthfully, I literally haven't had anything that I have wanted to write about. There have been some things that have been mildly interesting, but most of my recent experiences have been too personal or insignificant to put on this blog.

I've been looking back at all of my past blogs, and the most regular I have been able to blog has been when I am doing a Challenge or when I am observing the mundane and trivial things in my life. I have also realized that I really like to talk about myself. lol. Looking back at my past posts, there is a lot of me just talking about me. I guess that's what the point of a blog is...

So, for all of us (myself included), I decided to continue the narcissistic focus of this blog and do a blog challenge. ;) lol. It just seems like it will be an easier thing to do than picking out random things to write about. I'll start it tomorrow...since I want to leave soon. :) So--here are the questions/topics as well as a song to round it out. :)

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat.
Day 11 – FREE WRITE! :)
Day 12 – 15 Random Facts about you.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your favorite color
Day 17 – 10 Things I Want To Do Before I Die
Day 18 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 19 – Your favorite movie.
Day 20 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 21 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 22 – A photo of you as a child.
Day 23 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – Someone you admire.

Cool. We'll start it off tomorrow! :) Here's the song for the day. A new find...today actually. :)

Rhythm Of Love
by: the Plain White T's

My head is stuck in the clouds
She begs me to come down
Says "Boy quit foolin' around"
I told her "I love the view from up here
The warm sun and wind in my ear
We'll watch the world from above
As it turns to the rhythm of love"
We may only have tonight
But till the morning sun you're mine all mine
Play the Music low and sway to the rhythm of love
My heart beats like a drum
A guitar string to the strum
A beautiful song to be sung
She's got blue eyes deep like the sea
That roll back when she's laughing at me

She rises up like the tide
The moment her lips meet mine
We may only have tonight
But till the morning sun you're mine all mine
Play the Music low and sway to the rhythm of love
When the moon is low
We can dance in slow motion
And all your tears will subside
All your tears will dry
And long after I've gone
You'll still be humming along
And I will keep you in my mind
The way you make love so fine
We may only have tonight
But till the morning sun you're mine all mine
Play the music low and sway to the rhythm of love

Perspective

2011-02-01T20:57:00.002-07:00

Life is...

I can't really say that it's good of bad right now. There are awesome things going on and there are super crappy things going on as well. This year for me is going to be a year of self mastery. Already I feel like a failure...but something I was told recently is helping me to feel like not too much of a failure. I still feel like one...but it helps me to remember that I need to keep going and to keep moving forward. Here it is:

Even though you may fail, you can't let that failure define you. You can pick yourself up and realize that you are better than your failures.

I know that is true. It's hard for me to be...disciplined and dedicated. I have always run from things I deemed to be 'too hard' or 'too complicated.' Sometimes I feel like all of my struggles would be alleviated if I just stuck around long enough to fix them.

I am better than this moment. I am better than my short-comings. All I need is a little perspective.

Let me tell you a story.

I have danced hula for...a long time. Lately I've fallen off...as I've been in more demand as a musician than a dancer...but that's beside the point.

So, I was dancing hula, and I felt like the ugliest and least coordinated dancer in the entire group. I mean...hula is a Hawaiian dance...but I just wasn't as graceful and coordinated as the other dancers. So, I started practicing...a lot. I am a stickler for practice, and I was dancing almost everyday for at least two hours outside of regular classes.

We had a "test" or more like our teacher wanted to see how well we would dance alone. I went out there, did the dang thing and danced my heart out. I got all kinds of positive remarks, but the one that meant the most to me was one from our alaka'i or head dancer. She commented that she could tell I was working hard. Even over the teacher or kumu, her praise meant the world to me. She was the epitome of what I was hoping to be, and she thought I was good enough.

Some people may not see the purpose of this story, but for me...this story is a reassurance that I can do anything I want to. I can accomplish anything. What seemed like something that I was inept at or unable to accomplish...I did it. Of course this is only one story of many where I have been able to rise above expectations and shine...but still.

If life is truly what we make of it...I can make it a success story for myself. I won't be trodden on or made to feel inferior to who I truly am. I can achieve my dreams and live the life I am destined to live...and so can you.

Rise up to the challenge. Make 2011 a truly unforgettable year. You can do it. We'll shoot for the stars together. :)

Dream On
by: Aerosmith

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
Is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and
From sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream until the dream comes true
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream until your dream comes true
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On
Dream On

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away...

A New Year?

2011-01-05T18:10:00.002-07:00

Hello world. :)

So it's a new year. Honestly...it doesn't really feel like my new years usually do. It feels...different. A good different. My new years are usually SUPER depressing and screwed up. However, this year was cool. Went and partied in Nevada and found some cool bands. It was way fun and I'm glad I did it.

So, what now? I usually make resolutions for the new year...but as this year feels different, I want to try something different. I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm getting there. When I know, you'll know. :)

Lately I've been sort of bummed out though. A lot of my friends are leaving this year, and it has prompted me to take inventory of my time here. What have I accomplished? What do I want to accomplish? Where do I see myself in the next year? Five years? Ten years???

I feel like I am at a turning point in my life, but it's sort of scary! I have finally made a decision about what I want to do career-wise, but what about everything else???

I know that eventually down the line I would like to settle down and get married. I know that I want to buy a house...I know I want a truck. lol. But those are more superficial, aesthetic things that I seek to accomplish because they are indicators of success. I want success. I want to have a comfortable life, but, what else???

This may come as a surprise to a lot of you, but I'm not really in a hurry to get married. As a member of the LDS church that is almost unheard of, but it's true. I am working on a lot of things currently and the thought of being married makes it almost too much. Of course I would LOVE to date... but obviously that isn't happening. AND--I really don't think that LDS guys know how to date. (just a side note).

Anywho. As for the house and the truck... I will hopefully be getting the latter sometime this year. A house is a ways off. I need to get my shtuff together to even think about getting into that.

IDK. I've been really introspective lately. I guess I just need to figure out my life! lol.

Anywho. Work is pretty crazy. My boss got laid off. It's weird to not have him here, but I've always been good with change, so I'm sure it will all be okay. :)

I have been craving Hawaii. lol. Is it possible to crave a location??? ;) You can chalk it up to the cold weather we've been getting. I'm ready for some HEAT! ;)

Well, Happy New year. Hopefully your new year goals and resolutions are a little more structured than mine are. You could say that I'm still in the conceptual phase. hehe. :)

Song for the day is a music video my friend Jared posted today on his Facebook. They are RAD. :)

Boring

2010-12-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Hello world!!!

I haven't been blogging a lot.. but truth be told it is because I just haven't had a lot going on. Life is sort of cruisin by for me lately, so there isn't really anything to say...

I guess I'll tell you a little about what I've been doing to gear up for Christmas. Well, we (aka me and my roommate Amy) decorated the house and I decided that it needed a little something more. So, I decided to make a garland of ornaments. Let me tell you that if you have never made a garland before, it can be challenging. What I thought would only take about a half hour, ended up taking THREE HOURS! I mean, I'm not gonna lie...it looks AMAZING. However, it took a FREAKING LONG TIME to make. We also got a little baby tree and some stocking hangers. Overall, our apartment looks pretty awesome.. although I need to clean. :S

Anywho. OH!!! So, there is this website called Mystery Joy Attack. It was something I signed up for AGES ago for kicks and giggles. Well, last night I get home and my landlord/friend calls me and tells me I got a package. I don't typically get mail at the house (we have a PO Box) so I was a little confused as to how my mail got to the house. She brings it down to me and it is a small little brown package with my name on it. It is mailed from England, and I'm like, "What the..." I open it up and what do I see???

A cute little rubber ducky eraser!!!

lol. I was so confused until I saw a little piece of paper in the bottom of the package that said it was Mystery Joy Attack. I never really thought I would ever get anything... but I totally did!!!!! :) It was def a joy attack. It is so CUTE!!!!!

Oh the awesomeness and randomness of the internet. Seriously. You never know what will happen next! Anyway--thank you Mystery Joy Attack. Your ninja-like moves purloined my gloomy mood with joy.

Until next time...

Happy
by:The Rolling Stones

Well I never kept a dollar past sunset,
It always burned a hole in my pants.
Never made a school mama happy,
Never blew a second chance, oh no

I need a love to keep me happy,
I need a love to keep me happy.
Baby, baby keep me happy.
Baby, baby keep me happy.

Always took candy from strangers,
Didn't wanna get me no trade.
Never want to be like papa,
Working for the boss ev'ry night and day.

I need a love to keep me happy,
I need a love, baby won't ya keep me happy.
Baby, won't ya keep me happy.
Baby, please keep me

I need a love to keep me happy,
I need a love to keep me happy.
Baby, baby keep me happy.
Baby, baby keep me happy.

Never got a flash out of cocktails,
When I got some flesh off the bone.
Never got a lift out of Lear jets,
When I can fly way back home.

I need a love to keep me happy,
I need a love to keep me happy.
Baby, baby keep me happy.
Baby, baby keep me happy.

In which our heroine discloses her "kryptonite" equivalent. :)

2010-12-10T16:38:00.007-07:00

No, it's not old men. I just REALLY love Old School AND Blue. ;)
Anyway, random pic of the day. You're my boy Blue!!!

Aloha all.

How are you? Good I hope. It has been quite a while. :) My bad!!! You can blame work, school, and a general lack of sleep.

Sleep. I used to think it was overrated. However, as I get older, I can see that my body needs it. I can't function on two and three hours of sleep anymore.

Why, you ask. Why would someone do that to themselves.

Well, I'll let you in on a little secret.

I am addicted...to....FUN!

I can't get enough of it. I love people, I love talking to people, I love helping people, I love watching people... to me that is the most fun any one person can have. The cool thing is that I have amazingly awesome, interesting, and overall fun people as friends. Seriously. You could make a TV series about us and we would be more entertaining than the cast of Friends.

So now you know. My kryptonite is people...my people. I can't live without them. They are the awesomest and most amazing people EVER. ;)

Anyway. Christmas is coming up. This year will be an interesting Christmas. I'm trying something new, and I hope it works. I'm doing one generic gift and personalized cards. I'm pretty stoked about it. I've always done gifts for everyone... but I think this will not only save me money and some time, it will also... well, I guess that's what it does. LOL! It saves me time and money. ;)

I've been so unmotivated lately. I can't seem to focus on anything. I just don't really want to do anything. I think it's linked to my latest bout of insomnia... but I also think it's linked to some other stuff that has been going down lately...

Anywho.

Life is going pretty good. Let's get to the song for the day. This is such a cool song. My friend Andrew put this on a mixed CD for my Thanksgiving trip. I'm not going to lie... the CD was AMAZING and I truly love this song. :) Thanks Andrew!!! Some of you may not know this...but I took 4 years of French in high school and college. :) This is a SASSY song. :)

Ta Douleur
by: Camille

Lève-toi, c'est décidé
Laisse moi te remplacer
Je vais prendre ta douleur

Doucement, sans faire de bruit
Comme on réveille la pluie
Je vais prendre ta douleur
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur

Elle lutte elle se débat
Mais ne résistera pas
Je vais bloquer l'ascenseur...
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur
Saboter l'interrupteur
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur

Mais c'est qui cette incrustée
Cet orage avant l'été
Sale chipie de petite soeur ?

Je vais tout lui confisquer
Ses fléchettes et son sifflet
J'vais lui donner la fessée...
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur
La virer de la récré
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur

Mais c'est qui cette héritière
Qui se baigne qui se terre
Dans l'eau tiède de tes reins ?
J'vais la priver de dessert
Lui faire mordre la poussière
De tous ceux qui n'ont plus faim...
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur
De tous ceux qui n'ont plus rien
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur

Dites moi que fout la science
A quand ce pont entre nos panses ?
Si tu as mal là où t'as peur
Tu n'as pas mal là où je pense !

Qu'est-ce-qu'elle veut cette connasse
Le beurre ou l'argent du beurre?
Que tu vives ou que tu meures ?
Faut qu'elle crève de bonheur
Ou qu'elle change de godasses
Faut qu'elle croule sous les fleurs
Change de couleur...
Je vais prendre ta douleur
Je vais jouer au docteur
Prendre ta douleur
Je vais prendre ta douleur

Dites moi que fout la science
A quand ce pont entre nos panses ?
Si tu as mal là où t'as peur
Tu n'as pas mal là où je chante !

Lève-toi lève-toi lève-toi
Elle a envie de toi ta douleur
Elle a envie de toi ta douleur
Elle a envie de ttt ttt tt…

Get up, it's a done deal

Let me take your place

I'm going to take your pain

Gradually, without a noise

As one wakes up the rain

I'm going to take your pain

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

She fights, she struggles,

But she won't overcome

I am going to stop the lift...

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Mess up the switch

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Well, who is she, settled down,

Such a storm before summer

Such a brat little sister?

I'm going to seize everything of hers

Her darts and whistle

I am going to spank her…

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Kick her out of the break

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Well, who is that heiress,

Who has a bath, who goes to earth

In the warm water of your back?

I'm going to deprive her of dessert

Make her bite the dust

Of those who are not hungry any more...

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Of those who don't have anything left

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Tell me what the hell science is up to

When for a bridge between our bellies?

If you're aching where you're scared

You're not aching where I think!

What does she want, that bitch?

Your cake or she eats it?

You living or you dying?

She must be full of happiness

Or change her shoes

She must be snowed under with flowers

Change your color…

I'm going to take your pain

I'm going to play at doctors

Take your pain

I'm going to take your pain

Tell me what the hell science is up to

When for a bridge between our bellies?

If you're aching where you're scared

You're not aching where I sing!

Get up get up get up

She wants you, your pain

She wants…

Rinse and REPEAT! :)

2010-11-22T15:54:00.001-07:00

Hello blogging world! :)

I have been feeling so scattered lately. We had an AMAZING house warming party this weekend--which was the perfect end to the craziness that was my week last week. Here is the little announcement picture I made up:

It was a SUPER awesome Hot Chocolate party. :) The theme was... marshmallows! lol. The little mallow on the announcement was the inspiration for our "directions" signs and the cookies that Amy made (with the help of our friends Wyatt and Eli. :) Thanks guys!!!) It was an amazing time--and we went to a great dance party afterward.

I had forgotten about how great REALLY GOOD guy friends can be. I mean...I have a lot of guy friends, and they are AMAZING. However, after a super awkward yet platonic situation, I now have a better appreciation for all that is good about male friends.

I know this will come as a news flash-- but guys and girls think differently. lol.

Girls are almost too compassionate and caring for their own good. Where a girl will tell you that you look amazing in the sweater you want to buy--a guy friend will tell you that it looks...okay, and that you should keep looking. lol

Of course most of my guy friends wouldn't even GO sweater shopping with me.

GOSH WHATEVER!---Maybe some would. I don't even care anymore. lol. (That was sarcasm if you missed it. ;) )

Anywho--this blog goes out to my male friends. Thanks for being awesome and fun and willing to put up with the craziness that is my personality.

This week--Thanksgiving!

I am excited for it, but at the same time, I'm just...tired. I want to sleep for three days straight. LOL. Is that bad??? Maybe so.

I am managing myself better though. I actually have a semblance of a "schedule" now. Who would have thunk? <--- Thunk. he he he...

I haven't really been posting pictures lately. I like to blame it on the fact that I have had NO TIME at ALL to do what I love to do... aka BLOG and play video games/volleyball and basically live a life with good times on repeat. :)

I have had time however to make a HUGE leap for myself in the way of personal betterment. I'm pretty excited fro the changes that will be happening in my life. I feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. Life can get better... and it is! That's the most amazing thing of all!!! :)

For my next blog--I'll be posting the pics from my AMAZING 10 year friend-iversary with Leo. :) She wrote a super sweet post about me. You guys should go to read it. HERE is the link. The title of the post is Devilish. I will tell you now that the title was a high school nick name...and that's all I have to say about that. :)

Song for the day--super appropriate for the post today.

Let's Hear It For The Boy
by: Deniece Williams

My baby he don't talk sweet
He ain't got much to say
But he loves me, loves me, loves me
I know that he loves me anyway.

And maybe he don't dress fine
But I don't really mind
'Cause every time he pulls me near
I just want to cheer

Let's hear it for the boy
Let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby
You know you gotta understand

Whoa, maybe he's no romeo
But he's my lovin' one-man show
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Let's hear it for the boy

My baby may not be rich
He's wathcin' every dime
But he loves me, loves me, loves me
We always have a real good time

And maybe he sings off key
But that's alright by me
'Cause what he does, he does so well
Makes me wanna yell

Let's hear it for the boy
Ah--let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby
You know you gotta understand

Oh, maybe he's no romeo
But he's my lovin' one-man show
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Let's hear it for the boy

'Cause what he does, he does so well
Makes me wanna yell

Let's hear it for the boy
Ah--let's give the boy a hand
Let's hear it for my baby
You know you gotta understand

Oh, maybe he's no romeo
But he's my lovin' one-man show
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Let's hear it for the boy

Let's hear it for the boy
Hear it for my man
Let's hear it for my baby (until fade)

Dedication

2010-11-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

Aloha Everyone!!!

Many of you that know me may also know or have heard of my cousin Leo. :)

Leo two Halloweens ago as Snookie/She-Ra. :)

You may also know that I am the only girl in my family. Having only brothers has been AWESOME, but my "sisters by choice" are FREAKING AMAZING. I have (about) four of them, and Leo is the second one. :)

Anyway--this blog post is dedicated to her because it is our ten year anniversary of friendship this Saturday. Happy Ten Year Friendship Birthday Anniversary Leo!!! We gon' ROCK the hi--zzouse tomorrow night! :) Watch out Roy's! lol!

No, we aren't crazy. We just picked a day that was roughly around the time we met. lol!

Let me tell you a little about us. We met randomly at church one Sunday and were basically best friends from the get-go... actually, when I think about it, all of my SBCs (sisters by choice) have started out this way. Anywho...

Leo and I have had a rough past. To sum it up, some stupid people came between us and ALMOST dissolved the friendship. When I think about it...well, let's just not think about it. Jumping forward, she and I are now besties, and I like it that way. Leo knows a LOT about me... probably more than most people know about me. She and I talk about EVERYTHING and we give each other awesome advice. She reads my blog as religiously as I read hers. ;) AND she LOVES the Lord and reminds me to be better than I am--which I am extremely grateful for.

I have been trying to get her to move to St. George for AGES. Hopefully that "dream" will become a reality soon. :) We're just trying to get her a job, so cross your fingers for her. :)

Anywho...To Leo-- I totally heart you.

Song for the day--a dedication to us for our 10 year. :) It makes it dually hilarious because we talked about going to V.S. as well as dinner. LOL!!! GOOD TIMES! Also--takes me back to the days where it was just GOOD music and not the garbage you hear today. A slight innuendo is all there is. Nothing about "hittin' that" or "backin' it up on me" or whatever. I miss music like this. It was in a time before cell phones and texting...when the internet was practically new, and people actually talked to each other...lol. K. I'm off the soap box. :)

Anniversary
by: Tony! Toni! Tone!

Tomorrow will come and girl, I can't wait
It's our anniversary, anniversary
The first thing I'll do is run straight to you
It's our anniversary, anniversary

It's our anniversary
It's our anniversary, Anniversary
It's our anniversary
It's our anniversary
Made for you and me

And I've only made plans to hold your little hand
It's our anniversary, anniversary
The pleasure's all mine 'cause we have seen good times
It's our anniversary, anniversary
Victoria won't be no secret at the end of the day
It's our anniversary, anniversary
A small cup of tea to you and me
It's our anniversary

All I really want to say my darling
Today is a special day we call our own
So take me in your arms and hold me
And tell me you love me
And I'll be there
For you

Do you know what today is
Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary (It's our special day)
It's our anniversary, anniversary
Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary
Made for you and me

Today is a special day
Not just any day 'cause
You can have everything you want your way
Tell your supervisor you're leaving early today
And I'm going to pay
For the rest of your day

Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary
It's our anniversary, anniversary
Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary
It's our anniversary [x2]

Today I have lots of fun stuff for you girl

Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary
It's our anniversary, anniversary
Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary
It's our anniversary
Made for you and me
I know girl
I know
It's our anniversary.

And I love you in a special way
I remember the first letter
I remember the first day

Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary [fade]

Dreaming...

2010-11-08T16:32:00.001-07:00

I had a dream.

It has been the first scary dream I have had in a WHILE. I mean...I have dreams. I have them all the time. However, this dream was weird and scary and disturbing. I looked up all the parts of the dream, and here is what I came up with (not particularly in order):

To see broken jewelry in your dream, signifies disappointments in achieving your goals and attaining your highest desires.

To dream that objects around you are breaking, suggests that you are under tremendous stress. The dream could be a metaphor that you are literally at your breaking point.

To dream that you are shot, represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are ashamed of or are not proud of.

To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may be feeling victimized in some situation.

To dream that you are floating in water, suggests that you have a handle on your emotions.

To dream that you are floating, but are afraid to move, suggests that you are questioning your own abilities. You are experiencing doubts in yourself.

To dream that someone is using a video camera, indicates that you are reflecting back on your past and old memories. You may be trying to learn from previous mistakes or relive the good and bad times.

Crazy, yeah??? Apparently I have a lot of self improvement to do. :)

Today's music is appropriate and AWESOME! it is from Les Miserables.

I Dreamed a Dream
from the musical, Les Miserables

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

GRRRRRRREAT!!

2010-11-05T16:17:00.000-06:00

How are things???

They're GRRRRRRREAT!!! ;)

Thanks Tony the Tiger for making it possible for everyone to know how I feel today! :)

I am a big believer in things working out as they are supposed to. I really and truly believe that the people, place and circumstances we encounter in this life are for our benefit and are for us to learn and grow.

I was watching some old Lauryn Hill music videos. Lauryn Hill is... for lack of a better word--amazing. her voice is REAL. I have yet to hear an artist today that is up to her caliber of soul, artistic creativity, and just overall quality. Love, love, LOVE her voice and talent. She started out rough...basically being booed off stage at "Amateur Night" at the Apollo. She was only 13, but pushed through and became a musical icon.

I wish I had that kind of courage and class. I am always so worried about people accepting me for who I am. She knew who she was from the beginning...and she wasn't scared of showing people that she still had and still has more to learn.

For today, I have a music video instead of lyrics. I hope you all watch it and feel the raw beauty of why I love Lauryn Hill. :)

Video

I know what I know...

2010-11-02T17:34:00.002-06:00

Hello All!!!

So, If you don't know me very well, let me tell you a little tidbit about me as a friend. I am the friend that "gently" reminds you that you are being dumb when you are making a bad decision. I am the friend that will drop everything to come and help you. Whenever. I am also the friend that can be loud and obnoxious. However, I can be the friend that you confide in. Like my friend Chris said last night, "she's a vault." I really am. I know a lot about my friends, and I'm glad that they trust me enough to tell me those things.

I wasn't always like this. I like to think that I have evolved over time into this person. I am still evolving...hopefully.

I don't say this to be prideful or arrogant. I say this because I feel like sometimes people need to know who we are. They need to know how we can help them. I love this quote from one of my favorite movies, Elizabethtown:

"I don't know a lot about everything, but I do know a lot about the part of everything that I know--which is people."

I know people. My people. I think it's because I pay attention. It's not rocket science.

However, there are times when people tend to surprise me. For instance:

I have a friend of mine that was dating a huge jerk.

They broke up for a while, but they got back together and got engaged.

Well, surprise, surprise...he totally called off the engagement (with the wedding three weeks away) and left town.

I thought that I knew him better than this. I really thought that he would have stuck through, but alas he didn't.

I guess I'm surprised because although he was a jerk and super mean to her, I was hoping to see the positive potential that I saw in him. I guess people just don't see the potential in themselves...or want to achieve it.

IDK. It makes me look back at my life and remember the different relationships that I have been in. Some were really bad. A lot of them were good. :)

I feel bad for my friend, but I know that she'll bounce back from it.

We all do.

Reminiscing
by: Little River Band

Friday night, it was late
I was walking you home
We got down to the gate
And I was dreaming of the night
Would it turn out right
How to tell you girl
I wanna build my world around you
Tell you that it's true
I wanna make you understand
I'm talkin' about a lifetime plan

That's the way it began, we were hand in hand
Glenn Miller's Band was better than before
We yelled and screamed for more
And the Porter tunes "Night and Day"
Made us dance across the room
It ended all too soon
And on the way back home
I promised you'd never be alone

Hurry, don't be late
I can hardly wait
I said to myself when we're old
We'll go dancing in the dark
Walking through the park and reminiscing

[Instrumental Interlude]

Friday night, it was late
I was walking you home
We got down to the gate
And I was dreaming of the night
Would it turn out right
Now as the years roll on
Each time we hear our favorite song
The memories come along
Older times we're missing
Spending the hours reminiscing

Hurry, don't be late, I can hardly wait
I said to myself when we're old
We'll go dancing in the dark
Walking through the park and reminiscing

Who??

2010-11-01T18:35:00.000-06:00

Aloha all!!!

So, finals are over and we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief...

>>SIGH<<

Doesn't that feel better?

I, like many of the people that did the 30 Days of Truth Challenge feel somewhat of a hole in my life now that I don't have a "directed" blog every day. However, I have decided that I will post my musings once every couple of days. I'm assuming of course that I will be mused in some way shape or form. ;)

Today I want to talk about what is on everyone's mind. The British.

What's up with them??? I mean, I'm all for bad teeth and for bloody being a bad word, but really?? What is at their core??? What is the social psyche that drives this noble people forward???

I recently watched a movie called Pirate Radio... and shortly thereafter read the Amazon sample text of a book on the subject. Apparently they like to talk about the weather as a precursor to figuring out if you would be willing to carry on a conversation with them. Good times!

However, as I was driving home today, I was musing about something else entirely. What is with the British and their fetish for combining words??? Have you ever noticed that they do that??? I came up with a list (that is in no way comprehensive) of words that the British came up with that are compromised of two or more words. They are:

Hereafter
Thereafter
Nevertheless
Hitherto
Moreover
Forthwith
Aforementioned
Posthaste

etc.

Isn't that weird? And AWESOME???!!! I am a FAN of these words and all the others that I didn't put in this list. I say we all use these words daily and bring them back! :)

Song for the day. A little ditty from the British Invasion. No, not the one that Paul Revere announced. ;) The one from the 80s. :)

I Can't Explain
by: The Who

Got a feeling inside (Can't explain)
It's a certain kind (Can't explain)
I feel hot and cold (Can't explain)
Yeah, down in my soul, yeah (Can't explain)

I said ... (Can't explain)
I'm feeling good now, yeah, but (Can't explain)

Dizzy in the head and I'm feeling blue
The things you've said, well, maybe they're true
I'm gettin' funny dreams again and again
I know what it means, but …

Can't explain
I think it's love
Try to say it to you
When I feel blue

But I can't explain (Can't explain)
Yeah, hear what I'm saying, girl (Can't explain)

Dizzy in the head and I'm feeling bad
The things you've said have got me real mad
I'm gettin' funny dreams again and again
I know what it means but

Can't explain
I think it's love
Try to say it to you
When I feel blue

But I can't explain (Can't explain)
Forgive me one more time, now (Can't explain)

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE)

I said I can't explain, yeah
You drive me out of my mind
Yeah, I'm the worrying kind, babe
I said I can't explain

The last stretch

2010-10-30T19:59:00.000-06:00

WOW. Well, I have literally had NO time to blog for the last three days of this challenge. I have finals this week, so it's been all about the finals. :) So, the last three days will be in this post. :)

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, first of all, if I got someone pregnant, that would be... weird and against nature. So, I would freak out and probably turn myself into a scientific research place to be studied.

However, if I got pregnant...well, I would be scared. If I'm to the point where I would even be in a situation where I would get pregnant, there is something wrong. I am in NO PLACE to be raising a child right now. I would be terrified of being able to provide for the baby, and what about the dad. Is he going to be in the picture? What do I tell my family?

It would be insane.

---

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I hope one day to be better at self discipline. I am a party girl. I like to have fun and I like to be with people. However, I want to be able to BALANCE my life and be disciplined enough to put off the fun stuff to do things that are more important. Like laundry.

---

Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Karyn,

So, this is the end of the truth challenge. It feels nice to be able to talk candidly about things that I have never really talked to a lot of people about. I am so happy that I could get it out.

This is the last entry, and I'm writing a letter to you...aka me, or rather, us that entails all the things that we love about ourself. lol. So here it is:

My sense of humor
My talent for music
My ability to make anyone into a friend
My ability to help people see their problems more clearly
My eyes
My legs! ;)
My compassion
My love for my family and friends
My willingness to learn new things
My testimony...even though I still feel like a fledgling in that area
My tolerance of others and their faults
My love for everyone around me
My ability to see beauty in all God's creations
My easygoing nature
My "aggressive" side

All of this and more compromise what I love about myself. Thank you for being you...aka us. ;)

--Karyn

---

So, today was a Young Single Adult Conference. I LOVED it SO much! It was fantastic. The speakers were awesome, and it was great to see so many YSAs out and about. :) Today was a great day... and it keeps getting better. :)

Have a Happy Halloween. In honor of tomorrow's holiday, a Halloween song.

Thriller
by: Michael Jackson

It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You're paralyzed

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind
You're out of time

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl
Thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time
(They're open wide)
This is the end of your life

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see

That this is thriller, thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try
Thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!

(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'
Thriller night, baby, ooh!

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

30 Days of Truth--Day 27

2010-10-28T00:55:00.001-06:00

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Hmm. Well, I have a couple awesome things are are going well for me right now. The first one is my job. It provides me with income, so I am grateful for it. EVERYDAY.

Next is my new place. Our landlords/friends are freaking awesome, and I love the house. It smells like cookies and children's wishes. lol.

Last is my FREAKING awesome friends. They are literally what keeps me going. Sometimes I think that I am a horrible friend back to them, but they continue in our friendship, so I figure that is a good thing.

---

Tonight a lot happened. I don't really want to get into it, but it's pretty crazy.

It ended well though. I got to go carve pumpkins...and I may or may not think that one of the guys I carved pumpkins with is amazing. ;)

The song for today kept me awake when I was falling asleep while trying to do homework. Thank you Janet Jackson. Your soulful and sassy tunes always perk me up.

I Get So Lonely
by:Janet Jackson

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x2)

Sitting here with my tears
All alone with my fears
I'm wondering if I have to do
Without ya
But there's no reason why

I feel asleep late last night
Crying like a newborn child
Holding myself close
Pretending my arms are yours
I want no one but you

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x2)

I still remember to the day
In fact is was a third Monday
You came along to be the one for me
Now I'm alone

Sitting here by the phone
Call and say that you're okay
So that I'll have the chance
To beg you to stay
I want no one but you

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x4)

Gonna break it down
Break it down, break it down
Gotta break it down
Break it down, break it down
Whoa

You know
That I know
That I get so lonely thinking of you
Oooh
Noo whoa nooo. . .

I get so lonely,
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you (x4)

30 Days of Truth--Day 26

2010-10-27T20:02:00.001-06:00

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so when and why

Hmmm. Well, I have to say that I have never given serious thought to ending my life. BUT, that's not really what the question was, was it?

I have given up on life. I was in that state of mind when I moved here. I just didn't see the point in trying anymore. I still feel that way sometimes, but I get over it.

I think that's one of the things I love the most about myself. Not to sound conceited or anything, but I'm a naturally optimistic and happy person. :) I have an uncanny ability to see the bright side of any solution.

When I moved to Utah, it was the deepest funk I've ever been in, but it only lasted about a year and a half. I had residual stuff for a while, but overall, I was happy and moving forward.

Does that answer the question??? lol

---

Okay. So, life is moving forward, and I really haven't had anything to day lately. Is that weird???

Lyrics for today:

Seriously
by: Katchafire

Seriously, its been a long time
Since I’ve heard from thee
Since you dropped me a line
Well I know
What you’ve been going through
And I know
What I’ve been telling you
Girl seriously give me another one
Wo yeah

I happen to know what’s gonna happen next
The rhythm will pull you into this here jam
I reckon the rhythm just can’t stop you moving
And everywhere you look people be dancing near – yeah

I don’t drive no flashy car
I don’t wear no flashy ring girl
You don’t see me trying bling bling girl yeah
Give me another one…

30 Days of Truth--Day 25

2010-10-25T11:41:00.000-06:00

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re alive today.

I think the reason I'm alive today is because I have something to do with my life still. Well, aside from church stuff, I think that I have a purpose on this earth, and that I haven't fulfilled that purpose yet.

I also think I'm here to make sure that everyone still has good times. :) People often tend to forget how to have fun and let loose. I'm here to remind them of that fact. :)

---

Tonight was pretty EPIC. I DJ-ed a dance tonight. There wasn't anyone there...which was super sad for me, because I like a full house. However, there were about 12 people there that danced pretty much all night. It really was super fun and awesome.

I have realized that I can't have expectations for the people around me. I just need to accept them the way they are.

Lyrics for today is a song I played tonight. :) GREAT song and super fun to dance to!!!

Only Girl
by: Rihanna

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la

[VERSE 1]
I want you to love me, like I'm a hot guy
Keep thinkin' of me, doin' what you like
So boy forget about the world cuz it's gon' be me and you tonight
I wanna make your bed for ya,
then imma make you swallow your pride

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel
Like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands
How to make you feel like a man
Want you to make me feel
Like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...

[VERSE 2]
Want you to take me like a thief in the night
Hold me like a pillow, make me feel right
Baby I'll tell you all my secrets that I'm keepin', you can come inside
And when you enter, you ain't leavin', be my prisoner for the night

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel
Like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands,
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only one...

[BRIDGE]
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Oh make it last all night
Take me for a ride
Oh baby, take me high
Let me make you first
Make it last all night

[CHORUS]
Want you to make me feel
like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world...
Like I'm the only one that's in command
Cuz I'm the only one who understands
How to make you feel like a man
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...
Only girl in the world...
Girl in the world...

30 Days of Truth--Day 24

2010-10-24T23:51:00.001-06:00

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)

I don't really know who I would want to make a playlist for. It may be a combination of tiredness and my brain being dead... but whatever. This is a truth challenge, so I guess I need to be truthful.

I suppose I'll make a playlist for the love of my life. I don't know who he will be, but it's the only thing I can think of at the moment. :S

Caught Up In the Rapture--Anita Baker

This song is on the list because I love Anita Baker...but aside from that. I think that this is a "beginning love" kind of song. So caught up in the moment that you feel like you can achieve anything. :)

The Best of My Love--'Ale'a

This is a great cover of the original Eagles tune. I love this song (and it is on the list) because it talks about the "rough" patches that relationships go through... in the end, all you can do is give the best of yourself and meet in the middle somewhere.

Cloudy--Average White Band

An amazing and truly beautiful song. It talks about feeling like you are losing someone when they are still with you. In the song, the singer asks if there is something they can do, and that that they hope that they don't "drift away." Sort of a sad song, but I think that every relationship goes through the "waxing and waning" of love.

Tell Him--Lauryn Hill

I really love this song. It says, "Tell him I need him/Tell him I love him/ And it'll be alright." and "I know I'm imperfect/and not without sin/ But now that I'm older all childish things end." Basically, Love is being humble and making compromises. Love is worth the fight.

At Last--Etta James

lol. I chose this song because, I truly feel that I have been waiting for a WHILE for the right man to come along. Of course I have no idea who he is... but I know that when it happens, that it will be EPIC. :)

Here With You--Cecilio & Kapono

I have always wanted this song for my wedding song. It seems to fit that it would be the last song that is on the playlist, because after all the drama and craziness, we would have eternity to look forward to. I know that there will still be hard times, but I would hope that we could work out whatever problems there could be. I'm not planning on ever getting divorced, so I hope that 20 years down the road that he still feels about me the way that we felt when we first got together. :)

I guess that's it. They aren't really in order... but whatever. I love these songs, and in my experience, they sort of follow the "life stages" of a relationship. IDK. I could just be super tired and delusional. lol!!!

---

So, this week was pretty crazy. I watched Pirate Radio for the first time. It was pretty hilarious, I'm not going to lie. It is not for the faint of heart... there is vulgarities and awkward moments, but the plot is really good, and it was funny.

Next week is finals. I hope I can keep up with my challenge. :S

Lyrics for today are actually a music video because I couldn't find the lyrics.

Here With You--Cecilio & Kapono

30 Days of Truth--Day 23

2010-10-23T12:49:00.000-06:00

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Well, if you read the previous post, that is one. A big one. :)

But another thing that I wish I had done is applied myself more in high school and college. I think that my life would have turned out very differently if I had decided to focus on school instead of boys and partying. :) lol

I guess some things never change. ;)

---

I'm tired. :(

Separate Ways
by: Journey

Here we stand
World's apart, hearts broken in two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you

Feelin' that it's gone
Can change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide love divides

*Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched and went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched and went our separate ways

Troubled times
Caught between confusion and pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain

If you must go, I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love

(*chorus*)

I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
No....no...

Susi's Birthday--a blog in picture

2010-10-22T15:36:00.000-06:00

Hello world!!!

So, like i said yesterday, it was my friend, Susi's birthday. It was super fun and hilarious. I have a video of a fast walk competition that is AWESOME!!

We took her to Cheesecake Factory. I have to say that it was one of the awesomest visits I've ever had. The waiter was SUPER nice (and hott) ;) and the food was PHENOMENAL. We also took a side trip to Whole Foods, and I have to say that I want to make a return trip. :)

Interesting fact about Karyn #91: I love to peruse grocery stores. It is relaxing for me. I like to look at the different foods and read the labels. lol. I know. I'm crazy!!! lol.

Anywho--overall a great trip, and Susi said she had fun, and that's what matters. I took a TON of pictures and made a collage of them. Here they are:

30 Days of Truth--22

2010-10-22T09:00:00.001-06:00

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

This is sort of complicated and hard to talk about.

When I was...22-ish, I decided that I would pray and see if going on a mission was the right thing for me. I didn't really think that I would get an answer. I didn't think that that answer would be yes.

Well, I was wrong. I did, and it was. Not only was it a yes, but it was a RESOUNDING, SOUL SHAKING yes. I had never gotten an answer like that to a prayer before. Then more than anytime in my life, I KNEW God was REAL. I had never felt that way before. I knew what I had to do...and I would never feel complete until I did it. I was going on a mission.

So, I did what I had to do and got ready for it and sent in my papers.

I can't even tell you how elated I was. I knew that I was supposed to go on a mission.

Then came the day where my bishop...who at the time was my dad, got a letter about it. About me. The First Presidency had sent him a letter. I needed to be healthier. They were concerned about my weight. They were worried that I would struggle out in the field.

My dad called me in and told me. At first I laughed it off. Of course they would bring up the ONE thing that I have struggled with my entire life. The one thing that I have never been able to control. But then my dad stood up and hugged me.

You think that after having the heartbreaks I have, that I would be prepared for what happened next. I have since learned that some things can cut you deeper than small things like heartbreak.

My entire world shattered. I was sad... and then I got mad. More than mad. I was PISSED. How dare they question what I knew? How could they turn ME away.

Of course I completely overlooked the part where they asked me to lose weight as a call to action. As a test to prove that this is what I wanted.

***I feel I need to interject for a little bit here and explain something. I have always been bigger than all the girls around me. It has been something of a sensitive subject for me, and I have built my entire personality around the fact that I know people will judge me for being a large woman. So, I developed a loud, apathetic personality to compensate for the hurtful things that are said and done to me. I think that is why I reacted the way I did. Okay. On to the story.***

I saw it as an attack on ME. They didn't want me to serve. They were questioning my ability to receive revelation...it spiraled out from here to a lot of assumptions and irrational thoughts that turned me into a bitter and angry person.

It lasted for a long time. I stopped trying. I stopped caring.

Only recently have I been able to move past it and realize that what I felt was still real, and I was the one who chose to turn my back on the Lord. He never left me.

So... to answer today's question...I wish I didn't doubt the Lord when he asked me to prove my faith. I wish I had listened to my family when they offered their help, and practically begged me to soften my heart.

I wish I could go back. I wish I didn't still feel the hurt and anger from that moment. I want to forgive myself for that moment...

Maybe one day I will.

---

I hate blog posts that make me cry.

Just to pay this blog post back, I will leave you with lyrics that make me happy. :)

So there blog post. There.

Green Light
by: John Legend, featuring Andre 3000

[John Legend:]
Give me the Green light
Give me just one night
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I see you move, I'm checking your smile
Working your back like it's going out of style
Shake just a little bit faster
Shake just a little now girl
Dying to meet you, so let's mess around
I've got an obsession of us getting down
Come just a little bit closer
I just need permission so just...

Give me the green light
Give me just one night
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now
We can go all night
Give me the green light
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I want your green green light
But if it's what it seems like
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it's gonna be right

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green red light
I wanna see what you dance like
But if I can be your buddy
Help you study and get your head right

[John Legend:]
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

Do I have a girlfriend... technically no.
If you'll be my girlfriend then I'll make it so
You'll be my only true lover
No competition, no others
Baby it's just the thrill of the chase
But I've got a feeling that I'm winning this race!
Baby I'm in much closer
I just need permission so...

[John Legend:]
Give me the green light...
Give me just one night.
I'm ready to go right now!
I'm ready to go right now
We can go all night
Give me the green light
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green green light
But if it's what it seems like
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it's gonna be right

[John Legend:]
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

[Andre 3000:]
I want your green red light
I wanna see what you dance like
But if I can be your buddy
Help you study and get your head right

[Andre 3000:]
So I went hard like Medusa staring at me
I told her let's go, let's blow this lame nigga factory
She said, What type of girl do you think I are
The kind that you meet in a bar
You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star
No I'm a comet
I just want you woman
Hey, If I were you then It would be me that I go home with
3, the one and only
One thing you ain't considered
I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it"
Admit it
You did it
Let's hop a cab and split it
I'm kiddin
We both going to where you livin
HA, I got you gigglin like I'm piglet
Oh that's the ticket
I hope you are more like anita baker than robin givens
No, I don't know that lady so let me quit it
I'm just style freein, freestylin with ya'll soundin you
That's just what I'm telling you
Should be in bed with you
Like I've been in jail for two
Years and then they let me loose

[Chorus]

[Andre 3000:]
You got you one legend
Sometimes you gotta step from behind the piano
And let em know what's going on
Even Stevie Wonder got down sometimes
I'm ready to go

30 Days of Truth--Day 21

2010-10-21T12:26:00.002-06:00

Day 21: Scenario: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

You do what friends do. You forget the fight and go to help. No fight is more important than a life.

---

Today is my friend Susi's birthday. We're taking her to go do something AWESOME tonight. It's a surprise... so I'll give you the details and possibly pictures tomorrow. :)

Happy Birthday Susi. :)

Today's song is dedicated to you.

Electric Boogie
by: Marcia Griffiths

It's Electric!

You can't see it
[It's electric!]
You gotta feel it
[It's electric!]
Ooh, it's shakin'
[It's electric!]
[Jiggle-a-mesa-cara
She's a pumpin' like a matic
She's a movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie]

You gotta know it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie!]
Now you can't hold it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie!]
But you know it there,
Yeah here there everywhere

I've got to move,
I'm going on a party ride
I've got to groove, groove, groove,
And from this music
I just can't hide.

Are you comin' with me?
Come let me take you on a party ride
And I'll teach you, teach you, teach you
I'll teach you the electric slide

Some say it's mystic
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can't resist it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can'y do without it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic
She's movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie

Don't wanna lose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you can't choose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you know it's there,
Yeah here there everywhere

Horn Instrumental

I've got to move,
Come let me take you on a party ride
And I'll teach you, teach you, teach you
I'll teach you the electric slide

Horn Instrumental

Some say it's mystic
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can't resist it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
You can'y do without it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
Jiggle-a-mesa-cara she's a pumpin' like a matic
She's movin' like electric
She sure got the boogie

Don't wanna lose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you can't choose it
[It's electric
Boogie woogie, woogie]
But you know it's there,
Yeah here there everywhere

30 Days of Truth--Day 20

2010-10-20T12:05:00.008-06:00

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Hmm. Well, My views on drugs are that unless they help you medically, they are wrong.

Alcohol... I wish that I didn't have first-hand knowledge of that bad things that can happen when you drink alcohol. It is a "substance" and therefore can affect you adversely. I believe that consuming alcohol is wrong.

I do believe that abusing either one of these substances is wrong...and extremely bad for you.

---

Today was a CRAZY day. We had a candidate forum (aka a debate) at work. People + Political Passion + Debate = Riotous action/Religious revival.

It was awesome.

Now, lyrics. I could apply it to how I felt about the last 3 elections... lol.

Holding Out For A Hero
by: Bonnie Tyler

Where have all the good men gone
and where are all the gods?
Where's the streetwise Hercules
to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight
upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss
and I turn
and I dream of what I need.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life!
larger than life.

Somewhere after midnight
in my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
there's someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder
and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman
to sweep me off my feet.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there is someone
somewhere
watching me.

Through the wind
and the chill
and the rain
And the storm
and the flood

I can feel his approach
like a fire in my blood.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.

I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero
'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life.

30 Days of Truth--Day 19

2010-10-19T16:38:00.003-06:00

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Many of you know that I am LDS (aka Mormon). AND since I pretty much covered everything I have to say on politics in this post, I'll talk about religion.

I know that a lot of people don't believe in God or Jesus. I know that a lot of people think religion is a croc...a way for humanity to feel better about their lives. I can't change what people think, but I know what I know.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the truest form of the Lords church on earth. I know that we are created in God's image. I know that Jesus is the Savior of the world. I know that he died for me. I know that a teenage boy named Joseph Smith restored Jesus Christ's church on earth. I know that same man translated the Book of Mormon and that that book is another testament of Jesus Christ, and the truest book on earth. I know that if I live my life the best I can and do the things that are asked of me, that I can be with my family forever...that death can't break us apart. I know that Thomas Monson is the Lord's prophet on the earth today and that he leads us in the paths of righteousness.

I know that God lives.

I know that He loves me unconditionally.

What do I think about religion???

Life without religion is like a world without sunlight. :)

---

Today has been pretty awesome. :) I've been having a pretty good day overall. There have been...obstacles today. However, I have decided that if I care about them too much, they'll overcome me, so I'm setting them aside.

Last night was another great night of volleyball. I think that I'm cursed though. I hurt my thumb trying to hit a ball. Some people say that I am too violent when I play volleyball. I'm not violent. I'm loud and I like to hit the ball hard, but that is NOT violent. ;) All my team members know that if I play on their team, I will be yelling at them to hit the ball. lol. Of course it's all in good fun, and no one takes me too seriously.

Today's song was in my head this morning and has stayed with me all day. I think that it was meant to be posted today. :)

Defying Gravity
from the musical Wicked--as performed in the TV series, Glee
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!

30 Days of Truth--Day 18

2010-10-18T18:08:00.000-06:00

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Wow. This has potential to be a post that loses readers for me. However, I can't LIE in my own Truth Challenge, so here it goes.

I am split on the topic of gay marriage. On one side, I think--why not??? It's not that big of a deal. If people want a piece of paper that says they're married... whatever.

BUT on the other side of things--I think that homosexuality is wrong. I don't really understand "same-sex" attraction. Personally, I think it's gross. So, that side of me says--no freaking way. That is disgusting...

However, I am too tolerant to take it further than that thought. I am a big believer in the fact that people will pay the consequences of their actions--positive or negative. I am not responsible for other people's decisions, and I won't ever force someone to believe what I believe.

Yes. I believe that homosexuality is WRONG. However, persecution is also wrong. We are all in this together, but I don't want other people to judge me for my beliefs. What right do I have to judge others? Christ said, "Love one another as I have loved you." I love people as a whole, and I try not to judge them.

My hope is that people won't judge me and that they will allow me to believe in what I see as truth. I don't support gay marriage. I do support tolerance and love.

---

Today is going alright. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I'm cold. However, I get to work today, and that is always a good thing. I like to be busy. It helps to relax me. lol. I know that sounds funny, but it really does. I like to have something to do. :)

The song for today is a GREAT one. I hope you like it!!!

I listen to it when I need a perk for my day! :)

Just Like Heaven
by: The Cure

"Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face I kissed her neck
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Oh, won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

30 Days of Truth--Day 17

2010-10-17T09:58:00.000-06:00

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Hmm. This is an extremely hard question. I love reading. A lot. I can't tell you how many books I've read, because honestly I don't really know. I would say well into the thousands, but I couldn't be sure. Of course, aside from religious books, there are many that I would say changed my views on things. The most recent would be The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.

This book is...for lack of a better word--AMAZING! It talks about fulfilling your dreams and going to your limits to find out who you are. One of my favorite quotes from it is: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

Truly awesome. Go read it...NOW! ;)

---

Today was church. It was so freaking awesome! My day started out badly, but it ended up AMAZING!!! I love to go to church. My favorite part is singing. I love to sing in church. It makes me feel like I am speaking directly to the heavens. :)

Also today, got to talk to my roomie for a while AND I went to my friend, Cherie's place and hung out. :)

The lyrics for today are inspired by a conversation I had today with a friend. Have a great Sunday!!!

Hair
from the musical Hair

She asks me why
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why
Don't know
It's not for lack of break
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling

Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!

Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short

Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself

They'll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical hair

My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me?

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair

30 Days of Truth--Day 16

2010-10-16T09:39:00.000-06:00

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. :)

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without stupid drivers. Why can't people just drive like NORMAL??? Especially in Utah. It feels almost like I'm following people and they haven't decided what they want to do with their lives... "To work or not to work??? Maybe if I drive 15 miles under the speed limit, everyone will love me for stalling the inevitable work week... Maybe if I slam on my breaks for no apparent reason, the people behind me will thank me endlessly, because I brake for text messages."

I HATE STUPID DRIVERS. :[

---

So today was pretty cool. I went to Vegas last night with Susi and we worked at an event for her business, yellowpix.com. They are a super cool event photography company that specializes in green-screen technology like this:

This is my Herbalife fan club. :) lol. Actually they are my coach, his coach, and the most inspirational guy I know! :)

It was cool. My knee was bothering me, but overall, there were a lot of awesome people there that were walking or running for cancer. :)

Lyrics for today are an amazing song that has made my life happier while driving. :) Enjoy it and I'll see you on the flip side!!!

Get Over It
by: The Eagles

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, Get over it

It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little a--

Get over it
Get over it
All this b-tchin' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it

30 Days of Truth--Day 15

2010-10-15T14:33:00.001-06:00

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I cannot live without friends and family. Literally. I slowly die each day without them. Especially when I am struggling with life... which is like every day.

I LOVE MY FREAKING FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!

Seriously. They are so amazingly awesome.

Of course if you read my blog about how much I love my family, the first part comes as no surprise to you.

However, I don't know if I have talked to you about my friends. Everywhere I live, I try to make a group of friends that is SO EPIC--that we will literally tip the earth off it's axis because of the magnitude of our awesomeness. I have to say that I have come pretty close to that here in St. George. Seriously. Everyone I hang out with is STELLAR! I don't even know how to start saying how cool and neat and marvelous and happy-making and wonderful and crazy and cool and awesome they are. But they are. You will just have t trust that I have the most amazing friends in the universe and that we have momentous good times when we get together. :)

oh, and I can't live without fruit. I love fruit. It is delicious. Except for grapefruit... which is disgusting.

---

Today I am also going to Vegas with my bff Sus. lol. (did you get my bff Rose reference??) lol.

Anyway, we're going to work, but it will be fun still. :) That is all I have to say. Have a great evening, and I'll see ya on the flip side!!!

Night by Night
by: Chromeo

I know inside of me sooner or later we gon' be free
C'mon girl, don't make a fuss
Let's have a conversation that's not just about us

When we don't know which way to go
... and it doesn't really matter what we do
there's gotta be one good way to know
If all this is worth it we can work it night by night.

She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night

I know inside of me if we wait a bit longer we'll see what's meant to be
C'mon girl, we can't be apart
A special kind of lovin reaches right through my heart

When we don't know which way to go
... and it doesn't really matter what we do
there's gotta be one good way to know
If all this is worth it we can work it night by night.

She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night
Night by Night

[Instrumental Solo]

... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night
... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night
... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night
... Not Romantic
... Too Dramatic
We can work it night by night

She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night
She says I'm not romantic
I say she's too dramatic
I tell her while we're at it we can work it night by night

(belated) 30 Days of Truth Challenge--Day 14

2010-10-15T12:56:00.000-06:00

Day 14: A hero that has let you down.

I don't have a lot of heroes. Here is the short list:
    • My parents
    • My grandparents
    • My brothers
It's hard to write about heroes because how can your family let you down??? BUT, there was a point in my life where i felt like one of my heroes let me down. I was angry and hurt for a good 3-4 months, until I learned the real story. I am still a little disappointed, but I realize that it is for the greater good. I am talking about when my oldest brother left his wife and kids.

I haven't really talked about how I REALLY felt when he left...mostly because I felt selfish. I have since changed my perspective on this, but when he left, I felt like he betrayed me. I felt like the brother that raised me and taught me to be better, had lost his DAMN MIND. How dare he break this family? How dare he leave ME?! I was so...soo...IDK.

Weird. I can't even properly convey the emotions that I was feeling.

How do I show you in type how much that hurt me? How angry I was??? I literally don't have words for that kind of hurt.

However, after actually talking to him and attempting to talk to his wife, I realize that he really didn't let me down. He tried to make it work for 6 years. SIX YEARS!!! That is a long time to try to fix something.

Sometimes we judge others where we should love, and sometimes we love where we should leave. I don't know a lot about love. I've only loved three men in my life other than my family. However, I do know that love should make everything around you better. There is no love left in that marriage. It's a sad but true fact. I wish my brother luck. I really do. He has a lot to sort out, and I hope that he makes smart and compassionate choices.

---

My roomie, Ames, is FINALLY moving in!!! I'm super happy and excited about it. Our place is SUPER AWESOME! :) I'm so stoked!!!

Today we (aka my band--the Waimea Trucking Company) have a gig. It's going to be awesome!

Lyrics for today... a great song. Truly a classic. I LOVE it!!!

Fire and Rain
by: James Taylor

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

Won't you look down on me, Jesus
You've got to help me make a stand
You've just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again

I’ve been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line
To talk about things to come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around,
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now
Thought I'd see you just one more time again.

Apology

2010-10-15T11:11:00.000-06:00

Hello fair readers.

I know that you all have been ENTHRALLED with my 30 Days of Truth Challenge to myself (just go with it). I have opened the gateway to my soul (is that the eyes??? Because if it is, they are open most days. ;) ) and shared with you the TRUTH of all things.

However, to reward your loyalty and faith in my awesomeness... I have let you down.

This is the THIRD time that I am doubling up on Challenge Days. I have no excuse... Except for the fact that I am extremely tired and haven't been able to sleep and I'm slowly unpacking my new place and I hurt my knee in volleyball, and I'm worried that Blanche is on her last leg... but no excuses for this bloggerella.

I will repay you with THREE..count them..THREE blog posts today. This one, Day 14, and day 15.

I hope that my humble offering will make up for the horrible time frame that I have been keeping.

Enjoy your day. This post won't have a song attached, but a music video. Enjoy it. Enjoy your day, and enjoy my posts. :) (All three of them.)

Remember the post I wrote about the kid that was gawking at me??? Becaue I love you ALL, and because I trust you all to love me back, I decided to post a video of ME singing that song... my dad's favorite Hawaiian mele (song) that I sing... "Ke Aloha." <3 ya!!!

HERE IS THE VIDEO!!!

30 Days of Truth--12 & 13

2010-10-13T17:13:00.003-06:00

So, I have been SUPER busy at work. My computer has been acting up. After running every scan I know of, I think it's finally okay. So--here it goes. Sorry I missed yesterday!
---

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

There are a lot of things that I don't get compliments on. However, something I never get compliments on that I would like to get a compliment on are my eyes. :) I think that I have really nice eyes, but I rarely get complimented on them. Also, I don't get compliments on my graphic design that often. Maybe people just don't know that I design stuff... or maybe it isn't that good, but I would like to get more compliments on those things eventually. Maybe I get them, but I don't pay attention. That could be a part of it too! ;) lol.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some really tough days.

Hmm. This is tough because I LOVE music. Almost more than life. AND so, I listen to a lot of different stuff. However, I think that one of the groups that has affected me deeply is a Hawaiian group called Malino. They are AMAZING. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE their songs. They are a Hawaiian/reggae group, and they are awesome. I love Switchback. They have a lot of songs that have helped me. There are so many more... The Cure, Amy Hanaialii-Gilliom, The Eagles, Earth Wind and Fire, Boyz II Men, Nat King Cole, and so many more!!! Gosh. I love music.

---

I've been reading a book called the 12 Pillars of Success by Jim Rohn. It is a FANTASTIC motivational book by one of my favorite people--Jim Rohn. He is an amazing motivator, and a great teacher. I have been learning a lot about how to draw success to myself,and it starts with personal change.

I know that as I tell you the next part, that you are probably thinking..."she has said this before. When it will actually happen???" lol. Well, change is coming. lol. Finally. I think that I have been holding on to the past for so long that I was scared as to what might happen to me if I let it go. Well, NO WORRIES! I am getting geared up to change things up a bit. Life is only as awesome as you make it, and I plan on making it AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!!

On another note--it is October. The month of...Halloween! I have to admit that I haven't ever really been that big into Halloween. I just haven't ever really seen the draw. You dress up in costumes, scare yourself (and others) and get candy. Isn't it easier to just buy the candy you want and hang out??? lol. I totally sound like a hermit right there.

Moving along... This year I think I'm getting more into it. I think it has a lot to do with friends of mine that are WAY into Halloween. It makes me want to participate for the sheer fun of hanging out with those people. We'll see how it goes. I think I may fulfill my life-long dream of being a pumpkin this year. lol. I have always wanted to be a pumpkin for Halloween, and maybe I will actually do it this year! :)

Anywho--song for the day. From my favorite band, Malino. It's a great song. Enjoy it, and this link to a YouTube video of it. :) Not the original video, but a beautiful rendition. :)

Second Chance
by: Malino

Since you been gone
I feel my life slipping away
I look to the sky, but everything Is turning gray
All I've made was one mistake
How much more will I have to pay?
Why can't you think it over?
Why can't you forget about the past?

'Cause love makes a sound baby
Our heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
Can't you see I love you?
Since you've been gone, I've been in a trance
This heart needs a second chance
Don't say it's over, I just can't say goodbye

So this is love
I'm standing In the pouring rain
I fooled on you, but she never meant a thing
And I know I ain't got no right
To ask you to sympathize
Why can't you think it over?
Why can't you forget the past?

'Cause love makes a sound baby
Our heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
Can't you see I love you?
Since you've been gone, I've been in a trance
This heart needs a second chance
Don't say it's over, I just can't say goodbye

My heart needs a second chance
Don't put me down baby
My heart needs a second chance
My heart needs a second chance
Don't say goodbye, don't ever, ever say goodbye
My heart needs a second chance...

30 Days of Truth--Day 11

2010-10-11T16:52:00.001-06:00

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Well, people often compliment me on my voice or my height. I am tall for a woman, so I guess when people only see me without hearing me sing, they compliment me on that. However, when people hear me sing, that is usually the only thing they notice about me.

A funny story--I was visiting my grandma for her birthday this last week, and she asked me to bring my uke so that I could sing her a song. We got to my uncle's house (who was throwing the party) and started eating. A half hour into the evening, the local missionaries came over with two guys they were going on splits (or partnering up with) on. No one really paid any attention to me other than my Uncle, who just got home from Iraq and my grandma.

Later that evening, my grandma asked me to sing for her. I sang one of her favorite songs, Ke Aloha. One of the guys that was with the missionaries stopped everything he was doing and as my grandma put it, "sat in rapture" the entire time I sang. Afterwards, he was staring at me and was sort of "all up in my grill." He then told me (extremely loudly), "that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard!"

lol. I laugh only because he was super obsessed with me the rest of the night, and asked my Grandma if he could buy my CD (which she mentioned that she had... troublemaker!) AND that I inspired him to buy a ukulele and start singing.

I know better than most that I can be weird about this kind of thing, but he CREEPED me out. Big time. I understand that I have a nice voice, but please be discreet with your compliments. lol. Also--I tend to not like to sing in front of people because it alters their perception of me. If you like me, I hope that it is because of who I am... not because of what I sound like! ;)

---

Well, it's great to be back in St. George...mostly because I have finally started unpacking. :) It was cool--last night, me and my roomie Amy just talked and stuff while we moved my bed and furniture into my room and stuff. I love our new place and our landlord. :) She and her family are AMAZING, so I'm stoked to be there.

I don't really have much to say, other than I am SUPER excited for this week. :) It's going to be AWESOME!

The song for today is pretty awesome. I post it in homage of a voice that I wish I could emulate...although I don't really know if I want to change my voice. I like it. ;) lol. Anyway...Stevie Nicks is AMAZING. I love her voice...it's so raspy and amazing.

Landslide (Acoustic Version)<--which is really the only version I like...
by: Fleetwood Mac

Took this love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Oh oh I don't know, ooh I don't know

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older too
Yes I'm getting older too, oh...

I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Yes, I'm getting older too

So, take this love, take it down
Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring you down, down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe--the landslide will bring you down
Well, well, the landslide will bring it down.

30 Days of Truth--Day 10

2010-10-10T09:00:00.011-06:00

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Wow. There aren't a lot of people that I know that I don't like. Hmm. There are people that I do need to let go though. I think the most important person that I need to let go is who I was...aka the "old" Karyn.

Let me explain.

The person that i am now is not the person I was eight to ten years ago. That version of me was a loud, obnoxious, violent and I hate to say this--a drunk. I was not a good person, and I hurt and physically assaulted a lot of people. The good thing about that version of me is that I never held back anything. It is extremely liberating to say exactly what you want to whenever you want to. However, it is also often hurtful, spiteful, and insulting. I also loved feeling like an individual. I did what I wanted and unleashed the full power of my personality...which was exhilarating. There are so many other aspect of who I used to be, but I won't go into it.

I am only learning now (aka in the last 5 years) that I can still be me without the stupidity. I can still be fun and spunky while being respectful and nice. AND, giving up drinking was one of the best things I've ever done. DON'T DO IT!!! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!!

I need to fully let her go before I can move on with life. It's taking some time, but it's happening! :)

---

I go back to the SG today. I have to say that I am a little sad about it. This weekend has been AWESOME, and I alway miss my family when I leave. A LOT. Oh well. A hui hou. Until we meet again.

Lyrics.

One Foot on Sand
by: Justin Young

Chant    (Oli)
Eia Hawai'i   (Behold Hawai'i)
He motu    (An island)
He kanaka    (A man)
He kanaka Hawai'i e    (A Hawaiian man)
'Anno'ai me ke aloha nui e Hawai'i    (Greetings with great love Hawai'i)
Aloha no e ku'u one hanau e,    (Love indeed to Hawai’i the sands of my birth)
Aloha e, aloha e, aloha e   (Love...)

On my own, on the wind
A moment ends and one begins
Sense of freedom over the sea
But I watch my home get further from me
Sometimes I reach to meet the clouds
But I always keep on foot on the ground

My horizons widening
But nights are cold here, sometimes lonely
Eyes are open, so much to see
But sometimes they long for familiarity
And away on distant lands
I always keep one foot on the sand

'Anno'ai me ke aloha nui e Hawai'i    (Greetings with great love Hawai'i)
Aloha no e ku'u one hanau e,    (Love indeed to Hawai’i the sands of my birth)

Holidays bring me home
My appreciation has grown
Warmer waters, smaller pond
But some thing here circle on
Sometimes I reach to meet the clouds
But I always on the ground
And away on distant lands
I always keep one foot on the sand

30 Days of Truth--Day 09

2010-10-09T09:00:00.007-06:00

Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Hmm. There are a lot of people who have drifted away from me. Mostly because I am horrible at keeping up correspondence. However, I think that someone who I really wanted to keep in touch with that just drifted away is my good friend Elyse. We were SUPER close from the time I moved to Hawaii all through high school, but as time wore on, we just drifted apart. I totally miss her, and we still talk occasionally, but it just isn't the same.

---

Wow! Well, Prescott is AWESOME! We are staying at this sweet vacation rental, and so it's been super fun. I think the part I love most is just being around my family. I never really grew up knowing my mom's side of the family, so it has been super awesome to forge relationships with them in the last 5 years. :)

Song for today is an oldie, but I totally love this version. You can't find the CD anymore (it was before the era of iTunes and Kazaa) because the band broke up, but it is still one of my VERY favorite songs. :)

Drift Away
by: Colon

Day after day I'm more confused,
I look for the light in the mornin' rain,
you know that's the game that i hate to lose,
but I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

beginning to think that I'm wastin' time,
I don't understand the things i do,
the world outside is so unkind,
but I'm countin' on you, to carry me through.

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

And when my mind is free,
no melody can move me,
when I'm feelin' blue,
guitars are comin'through to soothe me

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah.

And thanks for the joy that you're givin' me,
I want you to know I believe in your song,
rhythm and rhyme and harmony,
you help me along, makin' me strong.

Chorus:
Oh, give the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Give me the beat boys and free my soul,
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
won't you take me awa--y, yeah. (x2)

30 Days of Truth--Day 08

2010-10-08T09:00:00.012-06:00

Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.

Well, this is not a hard one to answer. There were a group of people (whom I will not mention the names of...because I just don't think I have to) who were horrible to me all through high school and up until college. This group was compromised of some extended family members and their friends. I never quite understood why they hated me so much, but I guess I don't really want to know. The saddest part is that I am only now coming to the conclusion that I don't want or need them in my life, and I have been making a conscious effort to avoid them.

---

Today I am going to Prescott to see my 99 year old great-grandmother, Ione. I am SO stoked about it!!! She is truly an amazing woman, and I love to talk to her about the "old days." She always has the BEST stories... like:

She was about 6 or maybe 8, and her mom was pregnant. Her dad was a rancher in Northern AZ, and there wasn't any doctor or even a neighbor that was closer than 10 miles or so. Her mom taught her how to deliver a baby, just in case she had to do it while her dad was out with the cattle. The day came when her mom went into labor, and her dad came at the last minute (aka when the baby was basically coming out) so that my gg didn't have to finish it off.

Can you imagine having to do that??? It's incredible! She lived a great life, and she is just so interesting!!! :) Anywho. I am completely loving my time here in AZ. It's so nice to be with family. :)

Song for today... a great song, and one that you should probably go get RIGHT NOW!!! ;) lol.

Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days)
by: The Judds

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

Grandpa, everything is changing fast
We call it progress, but I just don't know
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
And paint me the picture of long ago

Did lovers really fall in love to stay
And stand beside each other, come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray
Did daddies really never go away?
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days

30 Days of Truth--Day 07

2010-10-07T13:36:00.002-06:00

Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Despite the risk of getting extremely emotional and crying my eyes out, I will answer this as honestly as possible without disclosing too much. My nieces and nephews make my life worth living for. It all started with the oldest--Keala. I was in a bad place in my life, and he was born prematurely. Seeing him struggle to live, and being able to hold his tiny little hands changed me in a way that I can't fully describe or comprehend. (Great...now I'm crying...lol.) His strength and will to live made me want to be better than I was. It made me want to change the world so that he could be safe and happy. That feeling has only grown with each successive child that my brothers have. Keala, Kawika, Lilia, Peter, and Nani are my inspiration to make a difference. They are my guiding light in this world. I owe everything to them. They inspired me to change my life when I was in my darkest hour. I love them more than words can say, and I will never forget their love for me.

---

:) That felt really good. :)

You Bring Me Joy
by: Anita Baker

You bring me joy when I'm down oh, so much joy
When I lose my way your love comes smiling on me
I saw your face and them I knew we would be friends
I was so afraid but your arms, they'd say, "Come to me"

So I'd say to you, "Can we talk for a while?"
You'd say, "Alright" when you love me, I smile
I feel you hands and you feel mine
You bring me joy

You bring me joy, don't go too far away
If I can't see your face, I will remember that smile
But can this be right or when should we be friends?
I get lonely sometimes and I'm mixed up again
'Cause you're the finest thing I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy

My joy, my joy
I believe this is gonna be what you want it to be
I just love you, I just love you, can't you see?
I'll show my finest thing, I've seen in all my life
You bring me joy

My joy, you're my joy
My joy, my, my joy

Thank you, baby, thank you, baby
I just love you, baby, I just love you, baby, I just love you
When I lose my way, your love comes smiling on me

30 Days of Truth--Day 06

2010-10-06T23:50:00.001-06:00

Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do

I never want to have to choose between someone I care about and my family. When I love someone, even if they can't get a long with my family, I expect them to put on a brave face and be there with me when I go to see them. My family is awesome, and I like to think that anyone can get along with them. However, after seeing my aunty get married to an abusive guy and never be able to spend time with us, I have sworn to myself that it would never be me. Both parties are a part of me. I could never and would never choose.

---

SO!!! I've been in Arizona for the last day and a half. I love coming down here to spend time with my grandma. She is so funny and smart. She is also one of my best friends. I talk to her about everything, and she listens to me and gives me advice. She is so amazingly wonderful!!! She's funny and kind, and always wanting to make you feel comfortable and happy. She also reads as much as if not more than I do and she does genealogy constantly. She is a part of the woman I would like to become.

I'm keeping it short today. I have a lot to do and only a short amount of time to do it, so I'll just leave you with today's lyrics. One of my all time favorite oldies but goodies. :) Ella is so beautiful and sings like an angel. :)

Misty
by: Ella Fitzgerald

Look at me
I’m as helpless as a kitten up a tree;
And I feel like I’m clingin’ to a cloud,
I can’ t understand
I get misty
Just holding your hand.

Walk my way,
And a thousand violins begin to play,
Or it might be the sound of your hello,
That music I hear,
I get misty
The moment you’re near.

Can’t you see that you’re leading me on?
And it’s just what I want you to do,
Don’t you notice how hopelessly I’m lost
That’s why I’m following you.

On my own,
When I wander through this wonderland alone,
Never knowing my right foot from my left
My hat from my glove
I’m too misty
And too much in love.
Too misty,
And too much
In love.

30 Days of Truth--Day 04 and 05

2010-10-05T16:33:00.001-06:00

Aloha all!!!

Sorry! I forgot to post yesterday. Here it is:

Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I can't really think of something that I have to forgive other people for... hmm. I guess I need to forgive certain family members for treating me like garbage growing up. I don't think that I have ever fully forgiven any of them for being huge gigantic jerks to me. I don't know if I will ever be able to either. The way that they treated me was unacceptable, and they don't think that they are--in any way--in the wrong for doing so.

Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.

I hope one day to write a book. I'm not really disciplined enough to do it right now, but I think eventually that would be something that would mark my accomplishments in life. :)

---

Okay. I'll keep this short--as I am leaving town hopefully in the next half hour. Things are going well. Last night for FHE, our ward played volleyball. It was SUPER fun! :) I keep forgetting how much I love to play volleyball...which makes it all the fun-ner when I play again! It also reminds me of how out of shape I am. I gotta get back into the groove. :) Anyone know how to tape an ankle???

Love The Way You Lie
by: Eminem featuring Rihanna

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She f---ing hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting f---ing sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in eachother's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull eachother's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to f---ing leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

30 Days of Truth--Day 03

2010-10-03T21:26:00.001-06:00

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This is a hard one too. I think that I need to forgive myself for making life altering mistakes. I don't regret a lot of my life--but what I do regret is holding me back from happiness. I need to forgive myself for being human. For making mistakes. Maybe they were stupid, but I need to realize that no one is perfect and the mistakes I have made maybe have changed my life for the better. Who knows. Maybe I will be a better person on the other side of things.

I also need to forgive myself for giving up on myself. I had an opportunity a while back to do something truly amazing, but I chose instead to turn away and basically give up on myself. I know now that I could have accomplished a lot, but I chose to give up. I think it was due to what was going on in my life at the time, but at the same time, I wish I had made a different choice...but the time is past now. Maybe I'll consider things again in the future...who knows.

---

I had a dream last night that my cousin Leo called my ex and told him that she had to stop being his friend because it was hurting me too much. That isn't that bad, but she said it in front of his wife! That, and a couple of other revelations (in my dreamland) made it so that she was going to leave him. I really surprised my non-dream self because I went to her (even though in real life, she hates my guts) and convinced her to take him back. I remember telling her that even though we had shared something great, that he CHOSE her. The awesomest thing is that I totally meant it.

I am completely done.

t's like a cloud has been lifted. I'm done. lol. It feels AWESOME! :)

This weekend had been super awesome. :) My move went awesome and I have been crashing at my good friend/sister by choice -- Susi's house. It has been fun, but I like to have my own space and whatnot, so I'll be glad to be able to FINALLY move in. :) I am also taking a trip to Arizona to have a welcome home fest for my Uncle Aaron. :) He has been in Iraq for basically the last 20 years, and he is finally permanently state-side. :) It's gonna be AWESOME! :)

Well, take care all. Lyrics for today are AWESOME! :)

One Drop
by: Bob Marley

Oo-oo-ooh, yea-ah. Wo-yoy! Wo-yoy! Wo-yoy! Wo-yoy-yoy-yoy!
Feel it in the one drop;
And we'll still find time to rap;
We're makin' the one stop,
The generation gap;
Now feel this drumbeat
As it beats within,
Playin' a riddim,
Resisting against the system, ooh-wee!

I know Jah's never let us down;
Pull your rights from wrong
(I know Jah would never let us down)
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
They made their world so hard (so hard):
Every day we got to keep on fighting (fighting);
They made their world so hard (so hard):
Every day the people are dyin' (dying), yeah!
(It dread, dread) For hunger (dread, dread) and starvation
(dread, dread, dread, dread),
Lamentation (dread dread),
But read it in Revelation (dread, dread, dread, dread):
You'll find your redemption
And then you give us the teachings of His Majesty,
For we no want no devil philosophy;
A you fe give us the teachings of His Majesty,
A we no want no devil philosophy:

Feel it in the one drop;
And we still find time to rap;
We're making the one stop,
And we filling the gap:
So feel this drumbeat
As it beats within
Playing a riddim, uh!
Fighting against ism and skism,

Singing: I know Jah's never let us down;
Pull your rights from wrong:
I know Jah's never let us down.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
They made their world so hard
Every day (we got to keep on fighting), every day;
They made their world so hard
Every day (the people are dying), eh!
(dread, dread, it dread, dread) Oh, whoa! Make dem a-go on so:
(dread, dread, it dread on dread) Ah, whoa!
(dread, dread) I'll walk (it dread, dread)
Ah, whoa! Frighten dem, ah whoa!
(dread, dread) Ah, whoa! Frighten dem, eh!
Give us the teachings of His Majesty - with a stick-up!
We no want no devil philosophy. Can you hear?
Give us the teachings of His Majesty,
For we no want no devil philosophy.

We feel it in the one drop; you're lucky!
For we still got time to rap,
And we're making the one stop
Let me tell ya: this generation gap.
So feel this drumbeat;
I tell you what: it's beating within
Feel you heart playing a riddim - /fadeout/

30 Days of Truth--Day 02

2010-10-02T20:07:00.001-06:00

Day 02: Something you love about yourself.

This is a hard one. Just because I have to pick just one. ;)

Hmm. Well, I have to say that my favorite thing about me is my easygoing nature. I have a talent to make people feel comfortable and relaxed around me. I also let things roll off my back. For instance--my roommate drama in my Day 01 post. I am pretty much over it. Yes. She was a jerk, but you know what??? Some people have had social experiences that don't teach them how to be kind to others. Anyway. I love that about myself. I just like to chill and have fun. :)

---

So, my friend Chris reminded me of something that I want to try. Free writing. I basically will be blogging out my feelings until the core of my recent funk comes out. :)

Right on. :) I have something to admit. Lately I have been...what is the word??? Not worried... maybe longing??? No. That's wrong too. I guess hopeful??? IDK. I've been wanting a relationship. It has been almost 5 years since my last serious relationship. I don't think that I'm looking for something serious, but I would like some sort of romantic feelings between me and a member of the male species. :) lol. I think that I just have been surrounded by "romance" and me--someone who hates sickly sweet romance and pda above a peck or hand holding--is admitting to being lonely. Hmm. I guess I am. lol. Wow. It feels a little deeper than that though.

I think that I am feeling a little abandoned and at the same time like I am a burden. I hate feeling like this too.

Gosh...I never knew that the reason I'm frustrated with my old roommate is because I feel abandoned by her, and that brings up my lingering feelings of abandonment by my family.

Which brings up the reason I feel like a burden. It's because I had to ask for help from people to move. It's not that I am not appreciative and EXTREMELY grateful for my friends. I totally am, but I also feel like I made them go out of their way to help me. I technically could have done everything myself, and I feel bad for asking for help.

Is that weird??? Because I am literally feeling like crying right now because I inconvenienced my friends and made them help me move. I'm messed up. lol. I have the compulsion to help others around me, but I can't ask for it in return. Maybe it means that I'm making strides by even asking them to help. Why can't I just ask people for help???

lol. Man are you regretting reading this post, huh??? lol. I guess that's what I get for free writing. Sometimes things should stay inside. lol.

Anyway. I guess I am as complicated and insane as any other woman.

Ooh--interesting fact #379: I actually laugh out loud if I type "lol." Is that weird? Are you supposed to do that? lol. I'm crazy! lol.

Moving right along.

The music lyrics for today. A song that was recently featured on one of my favorite television shows--Glee. Never heard this song before the episode, but it has been stuck in my head all week. :) Here it goes!

The Only Exception
by: Paramore

When I was younger I saw
My daddy cry and curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that she would
Never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

30 Days of Truth--Day 01

2010-10-01T16:00:00.002-06:00

Alright!!! It's the first of October, and so goes my first day of the 30 Day Truth Challenge. :) Let's do the challenge first and then we can go from there. :)

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.

I have two for this one. The first is that I have poor self control. Money, fun, food, even working too much. I can't control myself sometimes. I loose myself in the moment, and I over spend, over work or just plain go overboard with things. I've been trying to work on it, but learning self mastery is surprisingly hard. I like to over indulge. I think it comes from having very little to having the ability to have everything I could ever want. I want to experience all I can because I'm afraid that it will all go away.

The second one is my procrastination. I am a HORRIBLE procrastinator, and if I can put something off, I will. I hate to be tied down to anything--especially a time table. So, I procrastinate. I wish I could learn how to get rid of that too, because it can be REALLY bad...especially when I am taking classes.

---

Well, that wasn't so bad. :) Maybe I can do this!!! :)

So--I moved! It was pretty awesome. My friends all cam to help and we got it done in 5 cars and a truck in 2 hours. I know that it sounds like it was a lot. I do have a TON of books. IDK how I even got so many books. I counted last night and of the 22 boxes that I had, 10 or 11 of those were books. Crazy, huh??? lol.

Something else about moving. My friend--whose house I moved out of--decided that my moving out of her house is equivalent to the facts that:

    1. I hate her.
    2. I cannot be happy that she is getting married.
    3. I didn't like living with her and couldn't wait to get out.
4. I am ungrateful and didn't even try to talk to her to tell her I was moving.
    5. She deserved a face to face conversation that detailed all my plans for the future.

I never really understood why or how some people can't see past themselves to the bigger picture. I have to admit that I am guilty of this ... A LOT. BUT, I at least know how to treat people with respect and kindness. My reaction--

    1. I do NOT hate her. I am merely frustrated and irritated with her. There is a HUGE difference.
    2. I am EXTREMELY happy that she is getting married. She found a decent guy (I hope), and I hope things work out for them...I really do
    3. I was fine to live there as long as she would have me. However after changing the date that I had to move out to a weekend where I would be out of town, I was forced to move. Also--after being ignored and treated like garbage for two weeks, Yes. I couldn't wait to move out.
    4. I am very grateful that she allowed me into her home to live there. She saved me from a bad situation, and for that I will always feel I owe her that debt of gratitude. I also did try to talk to her, but it is hard to talk to someone who is either always on the phone, or will only talk about her impending nuptials. I get it. You're stoked to get married. Now let's move forward from that and talk about me moving out. Maybe if I had said it that way, I could have gotten a word or two in.
    5. This is the most ridiculous assumption that she has and let me tell you why. First, read #4. Second, when you ignore me, it makes it hard for me to talk to you face to face. Lastly, If you gave me the common courtesy of a face to face conversation, I would have done the same to you. However, since you refused to give me that courtesy--even when you alerted me via text that you changed the date you wanted me to be out of the house (again) AND when after I called to try to negotiate a date after being out of town, texted me that it wouldn't work out--I don't see why I should have to extend that courtesy to you.

Another thing I hate about myself--that I am sometimes overly aggressive. :) lol.

Okay. Really moving on this time. Overall, life is AWESOME! Things are getting better. All I have to do is just see the things I am grateful for all around me. :)

Song for the day. I really like this song, and I think it befitting for the beginning of my truth journey. :)

Juke Box Hero
by: Foreigner

Standing in the rain, with his head hung low
Couldn't get a ticket, it was a sold out show
Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the scene
Put his ear to the wall, then like a distant scream
He heard one guitar, just blew him away
He saw stars in his eyes, and the very next day

Bought a beat up six string, in a secondhand store
Didn't know how to play it, but he knew for sure
That one guitar, felt good in his hands, didn't take long, to understand
Just one guitar, slung way down low
Was a one way ticket, only one way to go
So he started rockin', ain't never gonna stop
Gotta keep on rockin', someday gonna make it to the top

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes, he's a juke box hero
He took one guitar, juke box hero, stars in his eyes
Juke box hero, (stars in his eyes) He'll come alive tonight

In a town without a name, in a heavy downpour
Thought he passed his own shadow, by the backstage door
Like a trip through the past, to that day in the rain
And that one guitar, made his whole life change
Now he needs to keep on rockin', he just can't stop
Gotta keep on rockin', that boy has got to stay on top

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
Yeah, juke box hero, stars in his eyes
With that one guitar, (stars in his eyes)
He'll come alive, come alive tonight...Woah

Yeah, he's gotta keep on rockin', just can't stop
Gotta keep on rockin', that boy has got to stay on top

And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
He's a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes
(Just one guitar) juke box hero, (aah aah aaah) got stars in his eyes
He's just a juke box hero, aah aah aaah
Juke box (stars) hero, (stars, stars) juke box hero, (stars, stars)
He's got stars in his eyes, stars in his eyes

One more

2010-09-29T23:42:00.000-06:00

One more post until October--when I start the 30 Days of Truth.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty stoked about it! :) It'll be EPIC! lol

So, something just happened to me, and even though I am supposed to be heading home to go to sleep at a decent hour, I decided that I wanted to blog first.

I recently transferred my iTunes to an external hard drive. The move was necessary to stop my comp from freezing up every 5 mins, but I lost my playlists and purchased list. :( It wouldn't be so bad, but I have a very specific group of songs that I listen to when I work or do homework. Oh well. That's just a part of life I guess. :)

Anywho. The thing that prompted this blog. About 2 years ago, I recorded a CD. It was done in my friend Susi's friend's house, and I was sick. Anyway. Needless to say it wan't the best thing that I had ever done, but I loved it, and the plan was to burn copies of the CD and send it to people for Christmas. I was super excited about it, but apparently it was crap because most of the people i sent it to didn't like it. Not only did they not like it, but they told me how bad it was.

I know that it wasn't the best thing in the world, but it was a gesture of love. I just wish that it was received as such. Anyway. Fast forward to today. Well, tonight.

One of my songs came up on my shuffle. I haven't listened to my own CD in almost 2 years. It made me cry. I don't know exactly why... well, I sort of do, but I don't want to admit it yet. Anyway, I just thought it was sad that I can't listen to myself sing on my own CD.

It frustrates people sometimes that I won't listen to my own CD or that I don't like to sing for people. I think it's because I feel like I'm not good enough. I don't want people to get tired of me. I think that is a requirement of my future husband. I want him to love my voice. Well, love me and like my voice...A LOT. :)

That is all.

A long day

2010-09-28T10:59:00.001-06:00

Hey everyone.

I wish that I was feeling better about things so I could entertain you with my bloggy wittiness. Alas, today has been a long day and it is only 10:50 in the morning. :S It only looks to be getting worse, so I wanted to blog now instead of later.

Some of you may have been hearing about the "30 Days of Truths Challenge" that people have been doing on their blogs. I looked at it, and I have decided that not only will this be a good thing for me (and you--for reading), but that it will help me to get out of the FUNK I fell into a week ago. Since it's almost the end of the month, I'm going to start up the first of October. I already know that I don't want to answer many of these questions, but I think it will be good.

I want to also apologize beforehand if I offend anyone. This is a challenge of truth. I feel the way I do about certain things and people for a good reason. I have never taken a stance on something that I haven't had experience with or have educated myself about. So, please take what you read as an opinion and not an insult. Things would be much easier if you did.

If you are still interested in what's to be said about Karyn :), here is the challenge:

30 Days of Truths Challenge

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some really tough days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: Scenario: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I will also be adding to the challenge by giving you AMAZING musical lyrics after each post. :) hope you are all ready to take the journey with me! :) It'll be AWESOME!

The song for today is appropriate with the optimism that I want to feel. :) I LOVE this song... even though some people think it's hokey...and I LOVE LOVE Barry Manilow, so here it is!!!

I Made It Through The Rain
by: Barry Manilow

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

Burning day

2010-09-27T00:36:00.000-06:00

Hello all.

So, I had my fun posts this week. This is a little more serious in nature. You know the drill. ;)

Today was a burning day for me. I feel... liberated and relieved. I have waited a long time for today. I knew that I would feel lighter without the burden of the past looming over me. What I didn't expect to feel was emptiness. All those years that were...well, not wasted. What's the word??? IDK. I'm glad to be rid of everything but at the same time I'm sad that it had to come to this. I guess the phrase I'm looking for is full of regret. I regret what happened. I regret how it ended.

...

I wish I felt the way I thought I would feel right now. It would make dealing with everything a lot easier. :S

I'm going to sleep on it. Maybe to taste of regret will leave the moment so I can enjoy moving forward with my life. It reminds me of a poem by Shel Silverstein called, "Forgotten Language"

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

I used to be good at this part. :S Anywho...

Speaking about moving forward. It is time for some REAL change in my life. I'm pretty excited and nervous about it. I'm hoping that the changes that I'm making will be POSITIVE (although I can't see how they WOULDN'T be...) and permanent. I need to start worrying about me.

Well, have a great week. I hope you all are doing amazing.

"Open Door" Policy

2010-09-23T12:02:00.001-06:00

My office has two doors. One that opens to the hallway and one that adjoins to the office next door. Here is the doorway to my office from the hallway...

I usually try to keep the adjoining door closed as much as possible. I don't like to listen to my co-worker talk about random stuff, type, or receive endless texts from her new husband and kids. However, she apparently LOVES to make me listen to her noises because I walk in everyday to see my door open.

So, like a NORMAL person, I go to close the door. However, we soon got into what I call "closing the door wars," where I would close the door and my co-worker would open it and LEAVE IT OPEN after I expressly closed it. I mean... I know that I OOZE AMAZINGAWESOMEGOODNESS, but please. PLEASE leave the door closed when I close it.

I really did think that I took care of it. That is until TODAY, when I saw that the door was open again. And there she was, chatting up her family and making NOISE! I have a hard time concentrating when what don't start out as, but end up as "annoying noises" happen. Like hearing other people type sporadically or when people's phones go off every 5 minutes. So, I've decided that a visual aid is all I can do.

That is all.

The Hilarium Ensues

2010-09-22T18:26:00.000-06:00

I have writer's block.

Seriously. I haven't been able to write one good thing in the past week. :S How does one deal with writer's block? Hmm. IDK Alls I know is that I was reading Pioneer Woman's blog, and she said that you write through it.

So LET'S DO THIS THING!!!

This week has been pretty epic. It all started with my cousin Leo coming down to visit. We had a TON of fun, including playing volleyball in the dark AND a 10 game string of my favorite card game--TRUMPS! Gosh I love that game.

Something random about me: I collect playing cards. I have over 50 decks. IDK why or how it all started, but I have them. Maybe I should build THE BIGGEST CARD ~~HOUSE~~ MANSION IN THE WORLD!!!!

...

...

Maybe not. I really don't feel like cleaning up 52*50 cards. YES! I know it's 2,600 cards. No. I don't care if you know I used a calculator. I am NO GOOD with math.

So yeah. The weekend was awesome. I also had the AWESOMEST church day EVER! I'm not really sure why I was so hyper and opinionated in church on Sunday. Maybe it was a combination of chillin' with my fav cousin, hott guys in the ward, and the fact that my friend Calvin was looking a little too "hobo-ee" for his own good. IDK, but I rocked that chapel. ;)

Monday was...meh. Well, At work it was. After work I went to FHE and it was AWESOME! I decided that our new ward is going to be epic. We did getting to know you games,and I gave a spiritual thought that reminds me of that movie...IDK what the name is. All I know is that there was a mom and (I think) her son and she has some matchsticks and she tries to break them. Hmm. Maybe I'm dreaming. Or hallucinating. Who knows!

Tuesday I spent most of my night trying to avoid going home. I just didn't want to have to do ANYTHING. You know.. like clean my bathroom or properly fold and put away my clothes. I am so lazy sometimes. :S

I was playing some music on my laptop and I re-discovered a song that I OBSESSED about back in the day. So, here you go. And, thank you for seeing me through this writer's block. It has been a pleasure to blog with you... well, not WITH you, but you know what I mean. ;) Oh, and I apologize for the weirdness of the lyrics today. I couldn't find any without the weird spelling stuff things. ;)

I Found My Everything
by: Mary J. Blige

Everything (mmmm)
In you (mmmm)
I found my everything (mmmm)
And I trust in you (mmmm)
I found my...

Can't you see, look at my face it's glowing
And it's all because of you
(Everything)

Everything about ya, ya see I need
And I thank God for sending you through

(I found my everything)
Ya see I found, my everything (in you)
In you
(I found my everything)
Ya see I found everything and I (and I trust in you)
I trust in you
(I found my everything)

Ooo, the way you kiss me it's like a real man (mmmm)
I leave the prom when I
Look in your eyes baby (mmmm yeah, every night)
And every night is like a highlight baby
And there's no better keeper than you
Oh, naw naw naw

You're someone who
Understands me
Needs to hold me
Really feels me
You're the one I love
You're the one that I need
I knew you'd find me
Stick beside me
Won't deny me
You define me now my world feels so free

(I found my everything)
Ya see I found, my everything (in you)
In you (I found my everything)
See I found my everything and I (and I trust in you)
I trust in you
(I found my everything)
Yeah, see I found
Every, every, every, every (in you)
In you (I found my everything)
I found (ooh ooh)
I found (and I trust in you)
I put my trust in you
You

Now I know just
What I wanted
What I needed
Where I'm going
I can see much clearer now
I'm glad I found you, you, you, you
I love it when ya
Love me tender
Hold me tight
Through the night
Seems like we met
In heaven before this earth

You're someone who
Understands me
Needs to hold me
Really feels me
You're the one I love
You're the one that I need
You won't deny me
Justify me
Now my world
Now my world
Feels...so... freeeeee

This time is the greatest
That I've ever felt before, oh oh (who)
You've given me a reason to smile
Cause I never had a reason to smile before
(I found my everything)
See I found e-everything in you (in you)
Youuuu (I found my everything)
I found my everything in you (and I trust in you)
Yoooou
(I found my everything)
E-e-e-everything
E-e-e-everything
E-e-e, E-e-everything, I-I-I

[CHORUS]

Great one!

2010-09-12T16:33:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! How is life???

Let me tell you--this week has been a crazy one! Like I said in my previous blog... I have been sick. Like SUPER AMAZING I CAN COUGH LOUDER THAN A FOG HORN sick. It has been tiring and I'm sure annoying on everyone else's part. I have a really loud cough, and I can't just clear my throat to clear it. I MUST cough! lol.

I haven't really said anything about this because I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I'm moving again! :) I know that it has only been about 2 months since I last moved, but my roommate decided that she was going to get married next month. She wasn't in a serious relationship when I first moved in, but she is getting married now. I guess that the Lord works in mysterious ways...and if she's happy, I can be happy for her. :)

Anyways. So, my other roommate and I are renting the basement out from one of my good friends. :) It's going to be amazing, and there is about four more times room than there is where we are currently living. :)

Also this weekend--I have been cooking and cleaning and organizing everything. :) I have been able to cook dinner with my roomie Amy for the past 3 nights. :) It has been really fun! It's awesome to have a regular, non-crazy emotional, easy going roommate. It seems that my lot in life has been to have crazy roommates, but Amy is awesome and normal and fun!!! It's been a great weekend, and I'm excited for the next year. It's gonna be good times!

Moving right a long. Today was stake conference. It was SUPER fun!!! My favorite talks were from (I think his name is) Jim, the patriarch, and the stake president. Our stake president is amazing. He gave a really good talk about not gossiping and staying optimistic. A-MAZ-ING!

All in all a great one. :) Hope it was for you too!!! Now for the song of the day. I have to say that it was a toss up between the hymnal "God Speed the Right" and this one. There is a line in "God Speed the Right" that says, "If we fail, we fail in glory." I think that is my new life motto. I never believe that I am going to fail... but if I do fail, why not go WHOLE HOG?! :) Great song, as is the song for today. Here we go!

Long As I Can See the Light
by: Creedence Clear Water

Put a candle in the window,
Cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though I'm going, going,
I'll be coming home soon,
long as I can see the light.

Pack my bag and lets get movin,
Cause I'm bound to drift a while.
When I'm gone, gone, you don't have to worry long,
long as I can see the light.

Guess Ive got that old travlin bone,
Cause this feelin wont leave me alone.
But I wont, wont be losin my way, no, no
long as I can see the light.

Yeah! yeah! yeah! Oh, yeah!

Put a candle in the window,
Cause I feel Ive got to move.
Though I'm going, going, Ill be coming home soon..

Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light.
Long as I can see the light

SICK

2010-09-07T23:04:00.000-06:00

I am enormously sick.

Have you ever seen You Got Mail??? Remember the part where she is in the apartment and he visits her and gives her daisies? I feel like that... only sans Tom Hanks, daisies, and the overall good feeling of that scene.

Kill me now.

CH-Ch-Ch-Changes!

2010-08-31T20:03:00.001-06:00

Okay, so I promise that I will get to homework after I blog and then head home.

I just needed to blog! :) lol.

So, I'm finally back into the groove with work, school, and LIFE! I can't tell you how much of a relief it has been to be able to just live my life again. I felt like I was lost for a while. Thank goodness I'm BACK! :) It feels awesome.

Life is funny. Without trying to sound too Gump-ish...you really never know what you are going to get out of it. I rarely "know" where my life is headed... but I have a vague idea as to where I would like it to be. Truthfully, I have been grateful for the past four years. Living away from my family has been hard--being basically alone (with regard to having family) has taught me to rely on myself, but it has also taught me that even though I get irritated with them, I still love them. :)

A lot of changes are happening with me...a lot of those changes are happening within myself. I am learning that being an individual doesn't mean that I have to make bad or wrong choices. I have learned that choosing to be me doesn't mean that I have to shun the opinions of others. I am also learning that I can't expect everything of someone without giving of myself.

On a larger scale, I am looking to move up and out of my current situation. I don't know when or how the changes will happen, but they are coming. It's exciting to finally feel like I am starting my life. I have been floating along without really wanting to add input into my own life.

I know that sounds weird... I don't really know how to express it in words... but floating really captures what it feels like. I haven't been an active participant in the direction or goals of my life. I have taken what other people say are good and tried to make them MY good things. I feel like I'm waking up and FINALLY realizing that I need to get going! lol. So, I think that is what you all can expect from me. I'm going to

I think that is the most important thing for me right now. I need to move forward and be positive about life! :) Things are AWESOME. I just need to realize that and share it with the people round me!!!! ;)

A wrap up for Hawaii... it was amazing. For the first time since I have moved to St. George, I didn't want to leave. It was interesting. I totally love Hawaii. I was able to spend a TON of time with my family. The reunion was so amazing. I was able to witness the talent that is my family. They are all so talented. They all have the potential to make a REAL change in the world with their talents too. It was cool to be in the presence of such wonderful people. I am so grateful that I was able to go and participate!

Okay. Song for the day. :) I hope you like it. It's a GREAT one!!!

Dream On
by: Aerosmith

Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life
Is in books' written pages
Lived and learned from fools and
From sages
You know it's true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away, yeah

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until the dream come true
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream until your dream comes true
Dream On Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On
Dream On Dream On

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laugh, sing for the tear
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Family Dayo!!!

2010-08-13T20:59:00.000-06:00

ALOHA!

How are all of you?? Good I hope. :)

So, I am in Hawaii and have been for a little over a week. Let me tell you... it has been pretty crazy. My family always has dramas... but that's why I love them. :) I'm glad that I made the trip, and that I still have a little less than a week here. :)

Things that I have enjoyed this trip over ones in the past: I have spent a lot more time with a large array of family. I also have been able to spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews. :) It has been AMAZING... and reminds me of why I love Hawaii. :)

There will be more to tell later... but for now, I have to get going. :)

"Hawaii Aloha"

Lyrics: Reverand Lorenzo Lyons
Music: James McGranahan

VERSE 1:
E Hawai'i e ku'u one hanau e
Ku'u home kulaiwi nei
'Oli no au i na pono lani ou
E Hawai'i, aloha e

HUI:
E hau'oli na 'opio o Hawai'i nei
'Oli e! 'Oli e!
Mai na aheahe makani e pa mai nei
Mau ke aloha, no Hawai'i

VERSE 2:
E ha'i mai kou mau kini lani e
Kou mau kupa aloha, e Hawai'i
Na mea 'olino kamaha'o no luna mai
E Hawai'i aloha e

(repeat hui)

VERSE 3:
Na ke Akua e malama mai ia 'oe
Kou mau kualona aloha nei
Kou mau kahawai 'olinolino mau
Kou mau mala pua nani e

(repeat hui)

Confusion *(edited)

2010-08-01T23:59:00.002-06:00

EDIT:
This post has been edited. :) Enjoy the condensed version.

Hypocrisy is a HUGE pet peeve for me. ESPECIALLY when you make a big deal out of something like that, and then just turn on it and do the opposite of what you said you weren't going to do.

ANYWAYS.

Let's move on, shall we?

I get to go to Hawaii in three days! :) WOO HOO!

I am SOOOOOOOOOO excited to go. We are having a huge family reunion, and I can't WAIT. It is going to be so awesome! :)

I really miss my family, so it will be really good to go and see them. There are a lot of things that I need to work out with my family, so I'm looking forward to that.

I think that I just REALLY need a break from St. George. I have really been better over the past 6 months, but I do need to take a break from things here.

I forgot how much DRAMA that can come up when you re-integrate yourself into a close group of friends. Don't get me wrong...I really love having close friends, but I don't miss the craziness, trust games, eggshells to walk on, etc.

All in all, a good productive week, but I have a lot to do before I leave for Hawaii.

Anyway. Song for the week is one that I have been practicing for the reunion. A GREAT song...AND if you are a friend of mine on facebook... you can see my dad singing it.

You Make Me Feel So Young
Performed by: Frank Sinatra

You make me feel so young.
You make me feel so "Spring has sprung",
And every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy individual.

The moment that you speak
I wanna go play hide-and-seek.
I wanna go and bounce the moon
Just like a toy balloon.

You and I are just like a couple of tots
Runnin' across the meadow
Pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots.

You make me feel so young.
You make me feel there are songs to be sung,
Bells to be rung, and a wonderful fling to be flung,
And even when I'm old and gray
I'm gonna feel the way I do today
'Cause you make me feel so young.

You make me feel so young.
You make me feel so "Spring has sprung",
And every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy individual.

The moment that you speak
I want to go and play hide-and-seek.
I want to go and bounce the moon
Just like a toy balloon.

You and I are just like a couple of tots
Runnin' across the meadow
Pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots.

You make me feel so young.
You make me feel there are songs to be sung,
Bells to be rung, wonderful fling to be flung.
And even when I'm old and gray
I'm gonna feel the way I do today
'Cause you - you make me feel so young.

You make me feel so young.
You make me feel so young.
Ooo - you make me feel so young.

Jose can you see?

2010-07-13T16:44:00.001-06:00

Aloha!
So, things have been getting better. I'm not in a fog all day anymore, so that's a positive thing! I also moved, which has been AMAZING! I can't tell you in words of how amazing my new roommates are. I have pictures...once I find my camera! ;)

I have to say that life is good. I have had the most amazing experiences in this last week and almost a half. It's AWESOME to know that I am loved and that people care about me. :D

I'm pretty stoked about next month. This month is preparing for it. ;) I'm going back to HAWAII!

WOO HOO!!!

I get to go back for a family reunion, and seeing as how we had a huge piece of family craziness this last month, it really will be a 'reunion' of sorts. :) IDK. I'm to the point where I know I need to go and see the fam bam, so it will be awesome. :)

Bonus--I have two different gigs this weekend. :) I'm pretty stoked about it.

All in all a pretty uneventful couple of weeks. Moving, EPIC Bowling, hanging out every night. :) I have NO complaints. I will be posting pics later this week.

OH! I almost forgot! So, Susi and I went to Las Vegas last weekend to look for our friend/former ward member Steven Koecher. He went missing last year in Henderson, and they have been looking for him ever since. I have to tell you that I didn't really know him all that well, but I am more than willing to look for him. He was a nice guy.

Anyway, this search was focused on looking for him on the bus system in Las Vegas. We rode buses in teams and tried to spot him. It was a sobering experience. I saw what a monumental task that his family has been facing. It really made me grateful for my family and our circumstances. We may not all have it together, but together we have it all. :)

I am also looking to make some pretty radical personal changes in the next couple of months. I've come to the realization that I need change. Not a scenery change, or an aesthetic change, but a change for my soul. I have been stagnant, and that is NOT good. It's time to try a little harder and get off my elemu (aka butt in Hawaiian). So, yeah. That's another thing I'm 'gearing up' for.

Another side note: My allergies have been INSANE this year. CRAZINESS!

STORY: Three, almost four weeks ago, I rented some redbox movies. I watched them in the little spare time that I had, and therefore they were in random places. Aside from a hectic schedule, I was also moving. Three weeks later, I get a charge on my account for the movies (a price that I will not disclose...because it was high. :() So...after asking everyone around what that meant, I am taking it to mean that I am now the proud owner of three more movies. I guess it's good because I like all three of them. :)

I never knew that that happened after an allotted period of time. I guess I need to read the fine print next time! ;)

LYRIC TIME!!! lol. Man. I haven't really been on the up and up with music lately, but here is a good one. :)

Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard
Words and Music by: Paul Simon

The mama pajama rolled out of bed
And she ran to the police station
When the papa found out he began to shout
And he started the investigation
Its against the law
It was against the law
What the mama saw
It was against the law

The mama looked down and spit on the ground
Every time my name gets mentioned
The papa said oy if I get that boy
I'm gonna stick him in the house of detention
Well I'm on my way
I don't know where I'm going
I'm on my way

I'm taking my time
But I don't know where
Goodbye to Rosie the queen of corona
See you, me and Julio
Down by the schoolyard
See you, me and Julio
Down by the schoolyard
Me and Julio down by the schoolyard

In a couple of days they come and take me away
But the press let the story leak
And when the radical priest
Come to get me released
We was all on the cover of Newsweek
And I'm on my way
I don't know where I'm going
I'm on my way

I'm taking my time
But I don't know where
Goodbye to Rosie the queen of corona
See you, me and Julio
Down by the schoolyard
See you, me and Julio
Down by the schoolyard
Me and Julio down by the schoolyard

So Much!

2010-06-15T20:31:00.000-06:00

Hello All!
Well, I can't say that I have not written out of laziness. So much is happening, so I thought it best to blog it out. :)

So, the biggest issues have involved a family member. I won't get into it here, but I will say that this individual is an idiot, and I hope that they come to their senses soon. We are really close as a family, and I just have to say that I feel like an appendage has been cut off. I's completely lost as to what to do about the whole situation.

Next is--I'm moving! My roommate decided to sell her house, so I am moving again. I'm almost 100% sure that I will be moving in with my friends Amy and Jenette. I'm still unsure about how long I will be there or if I want to move to Hawaii.

Everything has been off kilter since we had the family drama, so I don't really know what to do. I do know that for the first time since I have moved to St. George, I feel like I am somewhat accepted by a small group of people. I can finally be myself, and I have found that the reason I haven't liked living here is because I felt confined.

Work is...work. I can't really focus lately because I am constantly worried about my family. I've come to realize that my level-headedness and my calm comes from my family being alright. When they have problems, I'm like a ship in a storm. It's sort of unsettling to know that they have so much power over my mood...but I guess that is what happens when you are extremely close to your family. Anywho--my work (I feel) has been falling off because I can't focus. :(

School--I finished my last courses with B's. Truly the best classes I have taken. I just wish that everything outside of school would have cooled off for a bit so that I could have focused better. I am currently on a break from school for two weeks so that I can deal with all the craziness of last week. Cross your fingers for me! :)

All in all, I think that I am growing from all the experiences I have had. It hasn't been easy... not at all. However, I think that the harder your trials, the more you learn and grow. Life is rarely simple and easy, but I can strive to keep my life as simple as possible. Life is too short to have overcomplicated and dramatic problems. Looking at the world for it's face value has helped me to make realistic choices that have effected my life positively. :)

lol. I guess I'm still in school "substantive posting" mode. Sorry! ;)

Music for the day. Super appropriate for what's going on. Sometimes I wish that people could see what they were giving up when they made certain choices in their life. We often don't see what we have until it is gone. Let's hope that those that need to can see the error of their ways before it's too late.

Do You Really Mean Goodbye
by: Ekolu

Feelin' low
I guess it's just my luck to be this way
Now do you really have to go?
Cause girl you know I still want you to stay. (Oh yeah)

I've been a fool
Spending my nights in bars and having fun (Oh yeah)
And I'm leaving you home a lone
When I should have been there getting my homework done (Oh yeah)

Now do you really mean goodbye?
I can see now the hurt that you're feelin'
And I realize that I would stand the pain
And oh, all this talk about leaving,
You're gonna make me a lonesome country boy again (x2)

Yes I know (Oh, oh)
That it's my own fault if you go away (away)
But give me one more try
And girl, never again will I go astray

Now do you really mean goodbye?
I can see now the hurt that you're feelin'
And I realize that I would stand the pain
And oh, all this talk about leaving,
You're gonna make me a lonesome country boy again (x2)

Instrumental

So do you really mean goodbye?
And I realize that I would stand the pain
And oh, all this talk about leaving,
You're gonna make me a lonesome country boy again (x2)

Yes I know (Oh, oh)
That it's my own fault if you go away (away, away, away)
But give me one more try
And girl, never again will I go astray (No way)

Now do you really mean goodbye?
I can see now the hurt that you're feelin'
And I realize that I would stand the pain
And oh, all this talk about leaving,
You're gonna make me a lonesome country boy again (x2)
If I can't, if I can't stop you from leavin'
You're gonna make me a lonesome country boy again (x4)

SUUUUUUUPER BLOG!

2010-05-05T18:21:00.003-06:00

ALOOOOHA!!!! :))))))))))))))

How are all of you??? Things on my end are finally evening out. We just had another big event at work that we tackled. :) We do a yearly appreciation luncheon for our members for their employees. This year we had a 50's/Drive-In/"Creature Feature". Basically it was a 50's theme with a car show outside, a live performance, and a "drive-in" movie--Creature from the Black Lagoon. It was SUUUUUUPER fun. I've never seen that movie before. We had ladies screaming in the movie. It was AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS!

We also had the Ironman here last weekend. St. George will be home to an Ironman for the next 5 years. I may not pay attention to a lot of sports, but I DO love the Ironman. So much so, that I actually woke up at 3:00 am to get to the swim start/bike start transition at 4:15 in time to greet the athletes and usher them through the transition. It was a perfect day weather-wise. We were worried about wind int he morning, but our fears were unfounded. The water was FREEZING, and one of the athletes actually had to get hooked up to an IV. It was CRAZY to see all those people get into the water at the same time! Anywho...here are some pics:

It was so amazing to watch.

Anyway... Moving right along.

School has been... challenging. I am committed to it through December, but I have really been struggling lately. I don't know what it is. I just am not motivated to do the work. I think a lot of it has to do with having too much to do and very little sleep--but I could be wrong. ;)

I got my camera! :) It is so pretty... I have started experimenting with it, but realized that I know NOTHING of cameras. So, all you camera savvy friends out there--hook a sister up! :) I am willing to learn how to use the different functions and fancy tiddly-bits on my camera, so let me know if you have tips! It is a Nikon Coolpix S4000. I know... just a "point and shoot"er, but overall a really nice camera that deserves an educated user.

Hopefully life will settle down and I can get back into the groove of things...but don't hold your breath!

**EDIT: I almost forgot the song for the day!!! :S Here it is!

Sugar Blue
by: Jeff Finlin

Hobo songs and railroad gin
Alcohol evaporates through skin
One gift
Sugar blue

I feel his kiss in your angry eyes
To find hello when you say goodbye
One gift
Sugar blue

Holding darkness up to the light
The other side shows through
The raven's song it breaks the night
And I rise from me through broken hues
Sugar blue

Going no wheres some wheres song
Finding right in what went wrong
One gift, sugar blue
One gift, sugar blue

Holding darkness up to the light
The other side shows through
The raven's song it breaks the night
And I rise from me through broken hues
Sugar blue